AIBU to want half of the pension after divorce?

but you get it monthly at retirement like everyone else.

Whilst that is true, Op has already passed the retirement age for taking private pensions, currently still 55. So she could start taking it once her financial settlement is finalised and the money is in a pension in her name.

Op a lot of the people I know who are divorced sold their houses and both rent. Both of you owning again isn’t a given. Not to freak you out but just your assumption that you need to buy a house- you may need to rent

True, but having someone else running your home leaves you freer to pursue a career especially with young kids in the home. It's a contribution.

I’m not sure why you’re being so horrible?

The law entitles OP to half of the marital assets.

OP didn’t have the opportunity to build a career of her own and when she had more opportunity she didn’t need to. I imagine it suited both OP and her DH for OP not to work.

No it doesn’t although it’s certainly unwise to never go back to work because of situations like this.

@thepariscrimefilesWhat has any of thst got to do with you? Nasty comments there. I was married in the 80s and have known quite a few women who didn’t work for money after dc but we’ve done everything else! So what if we have a cleaner and help with childcare! The men got great value out of us!

I would expect the op to have a larger house and when you divorce you trade down. She cannot get a mortgage so needs a reasonable sum from
the house to house herself. Some families work perfectly well without both partners chasing high earnings. They have enough without it being necessary and it releases the lower earning spouse to divert attention to other things.

You need a solicitor as with a marriage that long you are entitled to half of everything. The solicitor can calculate present value of both your pensions/ investments etc. Sometimes people divvy it up by pension sharing, other times by giving you a larger share of the house. But if you take half his pension now I'm not sure why you think he should use the remaining half to support you in future? Surely you should buy a property that you can afford from half the house, and keep your share of the pension invested for future?

That’s the way the law works though

I don’t really get this argument to be honest. The fact I wash & cook doesn’t detract from my ability to do my job same for DH.

You should get half the assets in your own name and not as maintenance paid by him. You will each have a drop in standard of living, obviously but it sounds as if there will be enough to buy a small property each . The first step of divorce is normally mediation so why not arrange that now? The mediator will explain how the division works and help you agree something.

@theresnolimits in the 70s & 80s about half of mothers worked once their dc were over the age of 5 & the vast majority was in p/t work.

OP please get legal advice asap. Do not let him control this negotiation. Yes the start point is 50/50. But you might find him willing to give more capital rather than pension. Spousal support is very unusual now so whatever the deal is you need to be able to run a house/flat on it.

I would imagine that OP still did all of the cooking and the washing and the house keeping in the years after the chicken left. All of which would have helped him to focus on his career. Things that her DH would have had to do himself or paid someone else to do if OP wasn’t there doing it.

But there is something wrong expecting half of a pension she didn’t work for

whether the op is entitled to half the pension, the husband is happy for her to have it so no issue.
the issue is that the op wants it in cash so that she can invest it in a more expensive property.
Two things wrong with this. 1) it’s a pension, not really how it works. 2)what will the op live off without an income. The pension will provide the income.
the question though is how does the op bridge the gap between now and when the pension comes in.

You are entitled to half the pension even if you'd been lying on a sunbed round the pool for 40 years. Thats marriage but you get it monthly at retirement like everyone else.
Sorry havent read whole thread Im off to work.

I assume that you live in a large property in a sought-after area so is it really true that you would need more than half the value of your house to be able to buy a property for yourself? Or do you mean that you need more than half the value of your current house because you expect to carry on with the same luxurious lifestyle once your are divorced?

Your marriage sounds really old fashioned, like one from the 1950s. Did you have domestic staff such as nannies and cleaners?

I’m not been funny but who’s going to give her a job? She has no employment history. Jobs are in short supply now with multiple applicants even for the most basic job. Even a job as a cleaner (I’m talking employed not self employed) would go to someone with employment history or someone younger. Age discrimination may be illegal but it’s going to occur still.

She could set up as a self employed cleaner I guess and might get some work.

In my friendship group of women in their 50s and early 60s there are only two of us who have worked. The rest have had high earning husbands and haven’t needed to. One in the group decided when her dc went to secondary school she’d look for a job, doing retail work or similar and could not get a job. She hadn’t worked for 20 years and nobody would touch her with a barge pole. I do think this is something people need to think about when deciding not to work. If your circumstances change it makes things very difficult for you to find work later on.

You definitely need a solicitor @DivorcingDebbie25 . Find a really good one. Do you have funds to pay a solicitor up front? I think you will come out of it a lot better off, even paying the solicitor's fees.

Why should she be entitled or allowed a penny of a pension she didn’t work for? She chose not to contribute for 40 whole years even when her children were/are grown ass adults.

Fortunately for the Op, that is not how the law sees it. They don’t know why she didn’t work. He might have been a controlling arsehole who refused to let her work, he might have been moving around the country/world and she was a trailing spouse. The law doesn’t discriminate on why someone hadn’t worked.

By law, she will be entitled to half of the assets built in the marriage, which includes his pension. They will both have to declare all financial details and their pensions will be valued by actuaries, before they agree a split.

If they can’t agree, it will go before a judge, not some random on Mumsnet!

These are all examples of well educated women. Not everyone has the opportunity. None of my parent’s friends went to university.

There are parts of the country where the men of that era did not receive the education required to have these kinds of jobs let alone the women.

There’s nothing wrong with the OP not working whilst married if that’s what was decided. Equally it’s not ridiculous to suggest she should get a job now.

The OP isn’t going to be rich though is she?

I think because whilst it is understandable not to work when bringing up children (though many people choose to or have to) there is no excuse for living off your husband once that period has passed - none at all. If you had your own money to live off, fair enough. I feel a bit sorry for your husband tbh