AIBU to want half of the pension after divorce?

yes I am clueless
From what you’ve posted I think your very clued up.

But she wants half of his pension, but to keep ALL of her pension. Which he paid for.

OP seems to be stunningly naive, at best.

You'll be entitled to 50% of all assets, savings, investments, pensions ect. With the pension you won't just get half the value paid into a bank account, the value will be split via a pension sharing order and the half your entitled to will be paid into your pension

And how does he buy his new house?

Are you reading the posts? I’m forming my opinions based on the information presented by OP. If you don’t know why I’m being ‘so horrible’ it’s because you’re interpreting the information differently?

I'm not sure why this has dissolved into a discussion about what OP should've done, she is where she is, which is vulnerable, and in her own words, a bit clueless.

I'm pretty sure, from reading her posts, that her ex is trying to manage her expectations down. As said above, if they really only have the pensions and house, how is he travelling so much much. Unless he's listing it all as work?

OP, I'm curious, why are you in a house that "only" costs 800k if he has millions in a pension and you've both been enjoying an incredibly wealthy lifestyle? How is it that half a family home won't pay for a 1 bedroom flat? That calculation is normally very different. Eg I've looked at Bromley, which isn't London, but you can get a lovely 5 bed family home for 800-850, which is the number you mention. A very central 1 bedder in the same area, new build or Victorian conversion can be around 200-250k.

He's lucky you didn't leave 10 years ago because you would've come away with more, given that he still had the capacity to earn a large salary, and you never would. I'm guessing this close to retirement it will be more 50:50.

That solicitor appt can't come a moment too soon. Every woman I know who has been through a wealthy divorce in their 50s has had to deal with the ex being... economical with the truth. Some weren't surprised because their husbands were aholes, but even the one who was in an amicable split discovered that he had a stash of $80k he didn't think needed mentioning.

I'm not saying you need to be claws-out, but please open your eyes. You might have another 30-40 years ahead of you and you need to do everything you can to get as much as you can, to see yourself through. Going to work is still a very good idea, but that's separate and you shouldn't do that until everything is settled.

You went into this marriage in good faith, did things the way you both wanted, that he suggested, and he's the one who's changed the goal posts.l. That's entirely reasonable, bit what isn't fair is to keep moving the goal posts without talking to you about it. You have ended up with relatively little in your name, and you need to advocate for your future self.

Look through the relationships threads and find examples of how you get your ducks in a row at separation. You need copies of bank statements, pensions, portfolios, any outstanding liens, loans or mortgages. This way your solicitor is playing with all the information. If exDH has stuffed every last cent into his pension instead of having any other assets, it should be relatively easy to sort out.

I do understand the people saying why didn't you work, but within the context of your lives, it all seemed entirely normal. If he never once seemed concerned, irritated, annoyed at your staying home, if he never once suggested you could go back to education, or start working, then implicit in that is that you were a team, and that you were both happy with the status quo. Therefore, you both own everything.

Ypur DH sounds like a reasonable man. He is still supporting you fully.

You however sound like youre a bit of a burden - youve never really worked because yiu could afford not to. This is what I find really odd - why not have a purpose in life? Work gives you that, whether it's paif or charitable. Perhaps had you gained a purpose in life yoi wouldnt be waiting for your DH to retire youd be too busy getting on with your own life. 🤔

Anyways, onto the pension... It is a pension not a savings fund that you can remove money from willy nilly. I dont know if it can be broken into two, but Indo know, if you take half of it 25% is tax free the rest is taxable.

You said 'He says half the house and then we combine the value of the pensions and I get the equivalent of half the income from it.' that's spot on what you should do. The pension will give you income you need.

You need to look into things before making demands and therefore imo YABU.

Exactly !

Good luck with it.
It is impractical at 60 to do what you suggest. Eg me and dh own a house worth £550k. I have 2 final salary pensions which will pay about £20k a year. Their value in theory are hundreds of k but in practical terms if we tried to take that off the value of the house, id not be able to house myself.
If we were to split now, same age as you, it would be half the house and sharing my final salary pension.

You wouldn't get to keep your entire pension plus half of his. They would both be split.

So ,for your financial order- everything goes into a pot, pensions, property, savings, investments etc and it all gets distributed, the starting point in England is 50/50, and then it’s adjusted depending on need - so if you ( as a couple) have £5m of assets- you starting point might be 2.5m, which could be a mixture of cash and pension, you might get more and it might be a different mix - but it has to be fair on both of you

it’s unlikely that you make a claim against future earnings ( most divorces are clean break) - you need to a decent solicitor who deals with high value divorces and get proper legal advice, and when you start talking money it’s likely that your husband will have different opinions about a potential split than you ( especially if he has earned all the money) be prepared for it to become difficult and try to use mediation to avoid conflicts and court and and believe what your solicitor says to you

If his pension is worth millions then very likely has other assets you may not know

add all together and split 50/50 and you will live off that

or get a job

Exactly all assets, who evers name is on them is a marital asset.

when things are put down on paper with their asset value added up and divided by 2 They can pick and choose what they want to keep.

if his business and pension came to 4 million and house £800,000 and her pension £100,000 + cash £100,000 = £5million £2.5 million each

She keeps her pension + the house and cash and he transfers £1.5million to her pension fund

He keeps the business and the rest of the pension

He has actually suggested pension sharing / half each.
So I don't know what the issue is.
Are you expecting half of his pension as a lump sum ? Plus keeping your own? Then for stbxh to fund your living costs in the future as well? Because that sounds unreasonable.

I don't think the pension would just hand you a million anyway, it would go into a pension in your own name wouldn't it? Which is effectively what he is saying,
Continuing to fund someone's life when you've divorced them sounds awful, there aren't even any dependants.
Future inheritance, what??
People generally want to move on with their lives and have a clean break.

And yet hundreds of thousands of women with young children (not to mention adult children) and many women with high flying corporate husbands combine those ‘jobs‘ with actually working and earning. So it’s a choice.

I don't follow this. Why would women in their late 50s and 60s stop working to look after the children? And what does that have to do with OP's situation?

I think that you are confusing generations there! OP is 60, not 80. I’m 62 and when I was in second level education, the expectation amongst my peers was that we would have careers and work. My mother (88) on the other hand, was not typical of her generation, as she had a profession and worked full time while raising a family, whereas none of my friends’ or classmates’ mothers were working outside of the home. I agree with other posters who think that OP is being greedy here.

As others have said yes it's the starting point but once divorced that's it. The concept that your then entitled to any further of his income or future inheritance is delusional. Spousal support post divorce is pretty unusual in the UK now especially as your children are very much adults!

I just wanted to add that if you're correct that his pension is worth millions, he must be a high earner. It seems unlikely that you would only have an £800k house and little/no other assets. Talk to a good solicitor and please consider a forensic account because it's quite likely that he has been salting away money for years in anticipation of this day. It doesn't sound like it's been much of a marriage for a very long time. Although spousal maintenance isn't a popular move now, you would have a fair chance of claiming this.

Being the wife of a corporate high flier is also a job imho, especially when hosting/entertaining clients is involved.

Daft ...of course you cant ! You will have to take the half of the house money now and go and work for the rest to support yourself. Like the rest of us. The fact u haven't worked snd jow expect hon to hive u future income is ridiculous and not going to happen you dont have young children to look after

50/50 is the starting point for sharing assets in a divorce. That includes the house, savings investments and pensions. What that amount looks like in real terms is up to both parties. So one party could have the house and nothing else. The other keeps their own pension and savings. The cost of engaging lawyers will come out of your own assets after settlement, so if you choose to engage an expensive lawyer you’ll pay more!
Your DH may not be in a position to hand over half the value of the assets in a cash amount. Both of you need to get valuations of your pensions. What you need to realise is that your lifestyle you’ve become accustomed to is no longer viable after divorce.

No, half is fine. He clearly was happy to support you while you're married and this is reinforced by the fact he's paying your rent and expenses now. It actually doesn't matter what he says as it isn't his decision. The solicitor will sort this. Get one sorted ASAP. I filed for divorce after 24 years of marriage, also stayed at home from early pregnancy, and I got more than 50% of the house and then 75% of one of his pensions. I went for guaranteed money. The pensions were split, and my share is happily growing. It's not a case of money up front. Whether he cheated or not is irrelevant. It's a no fault divorce situation.

If you are really keeping a house you can be working from dust to dawn there is loads to do!
Without the cleaner.

i think it highly unlikely that you would have any claim on future income or inheritance. You are entitled to your share of marital assets. You also are responsible for your share of any joint debts. The pension is something to be agreed in the divorce settlement- you may or may not get half. It’s actually becoming less common, but you have had a long marriage. You have chosen not to work well beyond the time you could have retuned to work after rearing your children, which may not work in your favour and your pension may be taken into account- even if much smaller.

it is also not the case that that you will get a large lump sum from any pension award, it depends on the terms of the scheme. You may not get it until he retires in some cases (and your entitlement will freeze at the point if divorce, so anything accumulated thereafter will be exempt). If you need the cash now, you may be better agreeing to a larger share of the equity from the house. But do speak to a solicitor.