AIBU to want half of the pension after divorce?

It really depends on what the agreement was between them doesn’t it ? OP says her DH was happy for her to stay at home, so if the agreement is there, and a mutual one, the sex of the main earner is irrelevant.

I think most women would feel pity for the OP, certainly no jealousy. She's likely looking at a very bleak future.

Exactly this.

They made their decisions as a couple and none of us are privy to what went on between them. We fight for women to have rights because we want to have freedom of choice. Calling someone whose rights you allegedly care about a 'greedy mare' for asking for half the assets from a long marriage reduces human value to their paycheque. Women's labour, in and outside the house, is historically undervalued. You and I have no idea whatsoever if her life's been easy, but under the law she's entitled to half.

I don't there are lots of misogynistic posts.
The OP happens to be a woman who didn't work in 40 years. Imagine if this thread was about a man who didn't work for 40 years and was only interested in how much he could get from his hard working, successful wife, who didn't want to retire and still had drive and ambition. If the sexes were reversed, the man would be given total hell on here for being a lazy, useless, money grabbing cocklodger. There are massive double standards on here, favouring the woman. When it is a woman who hasn't worked at all, we are asked to go back to the 1950s, told that women in their 50s and 60s didn't work, how house keeping is a full time job for women (men are never mentioned) and all sorts of other sexist rubbish.
She is entitled to 50/50 which is reasonable and fair. No one wants her to be destitute but this thread is in some kind of very weird, sexist time warp.

I have some sympathy with you op as my married life started out much the same, pregnant young and then supported DHs career. There was however then a time where I wanted something for myself which I think is what typically happens. I haven’t come across anyone yet who has truly never worked. The argument for supporting someone’s career does have some truth when children are young but what support have you offered from the time your children were 18 plus. I think that’s why it comes across as greedy and entitled.

I also think you’d be best seeing a lawyer because thinking about what you can and can’t afford. My mum went for my dad’s pension and didn’t get any of it.

Another one who doesn’t think there’s any value in raising children full time and supporting their spouses’ career by taking care of the home and everything connected to it. How is that ‘lazy’ ? Her DH had a corporate career. I doubt whether OP was able to sit on her arse all day as you seem to have assumed.

God no. I was born in the early 1970s. My mum always says she would have gone crazy if she hadn't returned to her career once I started school.

Getting a job at 48 is much easier than getting one at 60.

It just wild! I really hope they are bots, because what would be the point of marriage and family life (in whatever form), if you're meant to walk away from a 40 year marriage without much, so as not to be branded 'greedy and a waste of space'.
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Agree. When you consider the advice given to working women to claim on their spouses’ pension in divorce, the hypocrisy here is palpable. They both made the decision for OP to stay at home, look after children as a full time mum and then be a housewife. If he was a high earner, and from what OP has said, a workaholic, then OP has likely supported his career and earning capacity throughout their marriage. They both bear the responsibility of what the marriage failing at this late stage will look like, but it sounds as though many posters think he should have his cake and eat it - very strange. I think there’s a lot of the green eyed monster at play.

Well she brought up two children and probably did all the housework, cooking and mental load stuff. Regardless OP isn't asking for people's opinions on her lifestyle.

Regarding his affairs making a difference? Zero. As my 48 year old mother was told by the judge 37 years ago when she divorced my father - he could have had a million affairs and it has no effect on the financial settlement. The court is a court of law, not morals.

Same judge also expected my mother, who had not worked in 25 years, to get a job. I doubt much has changed.

What you have done work wise is neither here nor there. You stayed at home and raised the children for 20 years so he could advance his career. He has been more than happy to have his shirts ironed and his dinner ready so now the "contract" has come to an end he has to pay the exit fee.
OP take every penny you are legally entitled to. Make sure you get expert legal advice.
Find a new social circle and enjoy your retirement.🌺

That’s a reach. If she’s not entitled to a pension and has no other income or savings she would be entitled to pension credit. That doesn’t sound like it will be the case. And if she’s in ill health she’s perfectly entitled to claim disability benefits if she qualifies. How is it scrounging ?

Yes, it is weird. I think another example of how the demographics on mumsnet have changed. I suspect a lot of the posters are young men who probably don't even live in the uk.

Do you really think it's that easy to get a job at 60 in the current climate?

It would be better for you financially to receive a percentage of his pension as a monthly income as it will increase annually.

Agree that you need a solicitor.

50/50 is that even a marriage or flat mates ? will he also carry the child 50 percent of the time very strange

I worked full time since 1971, through our child rearing years, until I retired. . Women certainly weren’t expected to just sit at home keeping house.. 🙄

This thread is bonkers. Many women are SAHM’s and some never return to the workplace, often their DH in support of this due to the benefits it brings to them, eg hot dinner on the table, wife cooking for colleagues etc etc. So you can’t then complain when the wife rightly wants half. Thankfully marriage protects those rights and MN harps on about protection of marriage - so why against OP claiming what is legally hers? Good luck OP. Get legal advice and don’t be pushed into accepting what your ex DH thinks you should be entitled to.

See a solicitor OP. There are a lot of weird and quite misogynistic posts on this thread. You have been married for 40 years, have done all the childcare (which well have benefited his career) and are entitled to half the marital assets. This will probably include savings so hopefully you will have enough to buy a property. You maybe able to start taking your own pension too.

This thread sounds like a hostile zone 😳!

God forbid a woman (with the support of her husband) is a SAHM then housewife should end a marriage and not want to spend her latter years on the breadline. Isn't this MN where women are normally given advice along the lines of 'don't be a martyr' - fight for what you deserve?
Does this only apply to women who are working full-time, paying half the bills amd almost single-handedly raising the children/carrying the mental load 🤔?
We really are our worst enemy.

Parents should teach their kids was marriage means from a legal perspective. My young adult kids and I have spoken lengthy about this. Both are starting very successful careers. My eldest daughter doesn't believe in marriage at the moment. My youngest will want to marry but he already knows that he doesn't want to marry a woman whose intention is to be a sahm. He wants to share everything 50/50. He will not rush into marriage. Of course, who knows what will actually happen, but they will have been prewarned!