AIBU to want half of the pension after divorce?

I don’t but that an all ? Not sure what that means ?. Not everyone wants nanny’s to raise their kids . Why pay someone to look after your child . When the parent wants to raise their own child ?
It was 'I don't buy this at all'

Nanny raising children ... Oh yes, the other sahm meme.... No the nanny doesn't raise the kids. The nanny helps when the parents are working. Not every career means working 80 hours a week. And many sahm use childcare themselves so they can enjoy their own time!

In any case, I have no issue at all with sahp. Everyone should do what works best for them.

I have an issue with people who then cry that it wasn't a choice. The good old ' I sacrificed my career so he could earn all that money I enjoyed spending'. Never an acknowledgement that it was exactly the life they aspired too.
Same with men who were happy for their wives to be sahm but then cry when they have to share 50% of the finances.

We all make choices and need to abide by them. Some people prefer to enjoy the present rather than to invest in their future. Fine, but don't cry when the future is no longer so good.

Because some of us happily swan around not working their whole life...

You definitely need specialist legal advice and not just to take his word for it! The pensions will have to valued by a specialist, as what's in the pot is not the only factor.

One of the ways it can pan out is that you get a share of his pension income, like he said. But it can also be that you get a share of the pension transferred to your pension, or that you relinquish your claim to all or part of his pension with it being offset with other assets (although if his pension "pot" is in the millions, it sounds like there aren't enough other assets to offset that completely). Anyway the calculations are pretty complex and you need independent advice. You need to push for getting the financial order settled before the divorce is finalized too as it can bigger implications. But your solicitor will know this!

It's unlikely to be true to say a wife stays home so that a husband can advance his career. I have a very advanced career and raised children as a single mother with no financial or practical help from the father. Of course you can do both. It just depends how much effort you are willing to put in.
It is correct to say the wife stays home so that they both could have an easier life, but not that he wouldn't have advanced his career without her.

You can't just get half the value of the pension fund in cash, it doesn't work like that.
Think about the tax aswell, you just want 500k from a pension fund you'll be paying the tax on that. You need to leave it to a solicitor.

Good!! Women need to start getting obsessed with money. We are so much poorer than men.

The family as a unit have paid into the system and probably a lot more than you so I wouldn't get too worked up.

The original post I quoted mentioned everything being 50-50 as in money so that’s what I was actually referring to😂

You don't live in the UK do you?

Because shes not paid into the system and its my taxes that will pay for her

Are you sure the house is worth 800k? If a one bed fat is half that locally, surely the house will be worth a lot more.

So she has plenty of experience of cooking, cleaning and home-making then. Those are saleable skills.

I know a few. I also know loads of people who have been made redundant recently are realising that they are now retired as fat chance of getting another job.

Not if she hasn't worked by choice. He has 'kept her" for years. He would have had the same career whether she was there or not.

You're still young enough to work @DivorcingDebbie25
State pension age is 66/67 so you'd normally be expected to work to that age.
No issue with you getting some part time work for a few hours a week.

My understanding is that half the marital assets means (usually) 50% of the value of your house and enough of his pension to keep you in a reasonable standard of living. That will not come as a lump sum unless he decides to take his pension as cash and live off the investment of it.

He will be able to take the maximum lump sum of around £250K tax free if he decides to go for an annual pension which is paid monthly.

you might need to consider moving further out of London OR at 60 you can still get a mortgage if you have the income to fund it to (eg) 75.

You also have a pension because you say he paid into it- what's its value per annum?

No - what he is suggesting is odd.

He seems to be suggesting the pension stays in his sole name, he draws it and gives her half each month. That's horrible.

What should happen is that half moves into her pension and she decides what, when and how to draw it. They then have no ongoing link to each other. Which is kind of the point of divorce.

Given OP was only 20 when they had their first child, do you seriously think they would have been able to afford a nanny? And while single parents may have to work full time to support their children financially that doesn't mean it is ideal. If you can afford for one parent to only work part time or not at all many would think it better for the children. And while OP didn't give up her career she did arguably sacrifice her chance to have one.

Yeah I think it's about the lack of career.

The expensive childcare years for OP and DH, setting aside the less widespread provision in the 80s, would've been before his career was established. They won't have had much money when he was still at uni and most likely not for at least a few years later. OP herself would at best have had 3-4 years FT work experience when she had the baby, and that's if she left school at 16 which obviously means fewer qualifications and corresponding impact on earning potential. Possibly they couldn't afford childcare when the kids were little, and I'd be amazed if the cost outweighed what OP could've earned.

Then by the time the numbers started to add up, they had enough cash to make it seem a bit pointless for her to go and earn NMW somewhere.

Ignoring all the nonsense about you being greedy etc....

Say his pension is £2m, and DC not db.

Yours is, say, £100k.
So, you'd get (probably) half of that put into a pension scheme for you to draw as pension yourself to live on.

Using the 4% rule, it would give you c£40k income, gross, per year. You'd pay tax, of course.

If your £400k buys you a home outright, that's enough to live on.

You could also take 25% tax free cash lump sum (this is capped at around £230k) which you can then either use to help with buying your home, or as income. You can invest it. It would of course reduce your remaining sum which reduces your income.

To answer another question - no, once divorced you have no right to future income or inheritances. Unless you agree that upfront (a friend of mine did get an agreement with her ex to get 50% of some share sake that was due in the future because they were married when the shares were purchased with joint funds).

You do need to also look into what investments and other cash assets he (/the marriage) has and add that in. Plus the Range Rovers.....

I'm in my late 50's and dont know anyone who is a housewife.

You cannot extract the money from the pension fund... it's a pension fund and it doesn't work that way. What he is suggesting is really the only way it can be done. Speak to a solicitor.

If you want to keep riding the gravy train then don't divorce him.
How will you be able to cope in a small house with limited income?
Your living standards will decline - he's not obliged to keep you in the manner to which you have been accustomed- you'll have to stand on your own two feet. For once.

I think ppl are being very harsh here, you both made decisions based on your circumstances. Yes u are entitled to a share of his pension, get legal advice. Good luck to you.

I don’t but that an all ? Not sure what that means ?. Not everyone wants nanny’s to raise their kids . Why pay someone to look after your child . When the parent wants to raise their own child ? .So it’s ok to pay for a nanny because it’s a job. But once a parent does it they are classed as lazy. Don’t you find that strange

No a marriage isn’t about pulling out a calculator it’s about being a team . So when she’s on maternity leave is she still expected to pay half the bills
Oh please! 50% means does not one fully responsible for being the money whilst the other I my looks after the kids and house. Does it really need to be clarified?