Page 30 | AIBU to resent funding my husband while he works part-time?

Stressedbadlydressed · 2026-09-20T20:20:34+00:00

DH has a job that averages 20 hours a week. He’s always running out of money beyond the first week of pay. He pays his part of the mortgage and bills but that’s it. I buy food and everything for the house. I am Dr and working 48 hour weeks. I am drained. I’m on £45k. our combined incomes have meant we haven’t been able to move out of an area that we both dislike immensely. I have £16k in savings, that he says I should put towards a deposit. I’ve asked him to increase his hours or find a new job. He says he will but it never materialises. Then he will say things like trust the process, or that he’s getting “paid” in time so he can pursue his “passion”. His mother has told him that as I am projected to earn more as I get more experience that it’s unfair I’m expecting him to contribute more. I find it very unattractive that I effectively fund his life and standard of living. Whenever he asks to borrow money I feel physically repulsed. Aibu?

Bluebells84 · 20/09/2026 23:27

He’s an entitled little boy. Disrespectful and dismissive. The sulking and dramatic references to work “killing him” are massive red flags (aside from the lazy arse scrounger role he’s playing).

I’ve thankfully divorced one of these, far too late sadly - two children and had to battle against the “primary caregiver” BS. He pays nothing towards the children and has half of my NHS pension as well as leaving me financially vulnerable due to the debt I’ve been left in because of him.

Get out now - it will not get any better. I regret not doing it much sooner, but am
sooo glad I did eventually. Live your best life and be proud of all the hard work you’ve done/do!

HollyhocksandPeons · 20/09/2026 23:24

Namechangewegovyjune26 · 20/09/2026 23:23

I’d question why you married this prince…

Please take all the advice and get a divorce!

Rich family, that is why?

Messedupmyusernameagain · 20/09/2026 23:24

Stressedbadlydressed · 20/09/2026 22:43

im 29, he’s 30. We met through mutual friends. we’ve been married 2 years.

He comes from a very well off family. His father lives overseas and easily has millions of pounds, houses, businesses. He used to give my DH £1k a month as he was pursuing a career but he quit this. He speaks to his father terribly and I’m not surprised the money river has been blocked by him. He still says now he’ll get money when his father dies.

At first, I didn’t have any money, so it wasn’t really an issue. We just muddled on. There was always some crisis that came up, and I’d cover him £50/£100. This actually stacked up to over £4k in the time I’ve known him. I’ve always been good with money (as I’ve never had it), and ended up with overdrafts and stress managing the both of us.

Whenever I bring up that there is disparities in our efforts and income, there’s a whole “not everyone is as lucky as you” and “I don’t have any qualifications so there’s no point in looking”.

I’ve got to the point where I look at his family’s lifestyle, his private education, international links… and I just think, lucky, me? Really? You had everything handed to you and you achieved nothing. I don’t expect him to magically end up in a lucrative career, but just some semblance of being an adult would be be nice.

It feels like there’s zero appreciation or respect for what I do for us, the hours I work, the job I do… I’ve told him I can’t live on trust the process and we’ll make it work, but it ends up with him sulking saying he can’t go back to menial jobs as it will “kill him” 🙄 join the club, my job is fucking hard!

Yuk! Divorce the entitled prick! You are darn right. He's had everything handed to him on a plate and thinks your career is ' luck'? He will only get worse.

HollyhocksandPeons · 20/09/2026 23:23

sesquipedalian · 20/09/2026 22:53

OP, why are you with this drone? He’s privately educated yet has no qualifications; he works at most four hours a day; he lives like a teenager and can’t even clear up after himself or make you a cup of tea when you get home - is this really the positive male role model you want for your DC? You need to cut and run- you’re young enough to start again. You need a partner, not a deadweight that’s going to drag you down.

Edited

A drone? Eh?

Namechangewegovyjune26 · 20/09/2026 23:23

I’d question why you married this prince…

Please take all the advice and get a divorce!

Bromatic · 20/09/2026 23:20

For goodness sake - imagine a friend describing this and your incredulity that they have accepted it and have not needed things. That repulsion - yeah not compatible with live and also very, very well deserved.

End it, move on, live well and never tolerate anyone who can’t put you first.

arethereanyleftatall · 20/09/2026 23:19

No one on this thread has any idea why you haven’t divorced him op. Is that not an option for you for some reason?

ImmortalSnowman · 20/09/2026 23:18

Stressedbadlydressed · 20/09/2026 21:37

No children

Why isn't he paying 50/50 on everything then? Stop paying for him.

Divorce before he gets any further entitled to your savings or pension.

BountifulPantry · 20/09/2026 23:17

Give yourself permission to choose yourself and get rid.

you can find someone better.

SodOffbacktoaibu · 20/09/2026 23:16

Divorce him before you build a decent pension and salary.

TunnocksOrDeath · 20/09/2026 23:16

It's all very nice to be creative, but if no one pays you to do it, it's a hobby, not a job.

hotmumshit · 20/09/2026 23:15

Stressedbadlydressed · 20/09/2026 22:43

im 29, he’s 30. We met through mutual friends. we’ve been married 2 years.

He comes from a very well off family. His father lives overseas and easily has millions of pounds, houses, businesses. He used to give my DH £1k a month as he was pursuing a career but he quit this. He speaks to his father terribly and I’m not surprised the money river has been blocked by him. He still says now he’ll get money when his father dies.

At first, I didn’t have any money, so it wasn’t really an issue. We just muddled on. There was always some crisis that came up, and I’d cover him £50/£100. This actually stacked up to over £4k in the time I’ve known him. I’ve always been good with money (as I’ve never had it), and ended up with overdrafts and stress managing the both of us.

Whenever I bring up that there is disparities in our efforts and income, there’s a whole “not everyone is as lucky as you” and “I don’t have any qualifications so there’s no point in looking”.

I’ve got to the point where I look at his family’s lifestyle, his private education, international links… and I just think, lucky, me? Really? You had everything handed to you and you achieved nothing. I don’t expect him to magically end up in a lucrative career, but just some semblance of being an adult would be be nice.

It feels like there’s zero appreciation or respect for what I do for us, the hours I work, the job I do… I’ve told him I can’t live on trust the process and we’ll make it work, but it ends up with him sulking saying he can’t go back to menial jobs as it will “kill him” 🙄 join the club, my job is fucking hard!

DIVORCE!

TODAY!!

RIGHT NOW, CALL ACCRINGTON STANLEY!!!

Shatteredallthetimelately · 20/09/2026 23:14

His art is a hobby and should be a side hustle until he earns decent money from it. It's not as though he can't do that after a day at FT work and weekends.
You need to show him if he chooses to work PT once he's paid his household contributions he needs to budget wisely as you'll no longer continue stepping into his father's shoes, no more handouts

Reading your latest update it's no surprise that now his dad has stopped funding him he sees it as your job, it sounds like pulling his weight is beneath him, he's an adult spoilt brat.

It's a blessing you don't have DC with him, please think really carefully before considering bringing a DC into your relationship, you're still very young and your job is incredibly worthwhile, if you want to progress you need a really supportive DH/DP that sees you as an equal to add a child into the mix, you've worked so hard to get to where you are and deserve so much more.

Toohardtofindaproperusername · 20/09/2026 23:14

Stressedbadlydressed · 20/09/2026 21:28

His father funded him until he fell out with his dad. His passion is art but he makes zero money from it

Ahh and there you have it. He hasnt grown up yet. He's entitled and wont ever sort it out unless you fall out over it.
Cock lodger.
Not gonna change ... you need to get clear if you are happy or not being his provider.
Doesnt sound good

GooglePenguinBollardsIDareYou · 20/09/2026 23:14

Speaking from bitter experience, unless the balance comes from their real effort balancing elsewhere in the house or child rearing (although don’t tie yourself to him with a child right now) then the resentment and eventual burnt out and begging for the to step up causes real damage. The passion I experienced was music and it was not worth my sanity.

Chilly80 · 20/09/2026 23:13

Get out before he gets you pregnant and you have to pay him child maintenance

Sadius · 20/09/2026 23:13

PollyBell · 20/09/2026 21:56

It has worked for many women for many years, this is no different

I wouldn't find it attractive but many do

Yes but a woman in this situation would generally be expected to be keeping an immaculate house and having a hot dinner ready every night

InterestedDad37 · 20/09/2026 23:12

Stressedbadlydressed · 20/09/2026 21:38

I just feel completely disgusted by it. I don’t know how anyone can be so blatant in their want not to work, but still expect someone else (his dad, me) to fund him? Isn’t he embarrassed? Emasculated?

YANBU, but the word 'emasculated' is a rather outdated concept. He's just a bit of a twat freeloader.

Skyflier · 20/09/2026 23:08

Please get rid of him. He’s a drain not only on your finances but on your peace and quality of life. Once you lose respect there is no coming back from it

TheTikiTurnip · 20/09/2026 23:06

Honestly, hes taking the piss out of you.

You work hard, and your life would be so much easier without him sponging off you.

Your relationships not going to last anyway, you've already lost all respect for him and theres no coming back from that. Might as well get it over with.

socialdilemmawhattodo · 20/09/2026 23:06

henkell · 20/09/2026 21:45

Holy shit balls. You’re a doctor and get 45k??? I know I’m missing the point but wow!

I know, nothing like enough. So grateful to the lovely doctors and nurses this weekend at our A&E who dealt with my elderly mum with kindness and compassion.

Gemilo · 20/09/2026 23:05

Stressedbadlydressed · 20/09/2026 22:43

im 29, he’s 30. We met through mutual friends. we’ve been married 2 years.

He comes from a very well off family. His father lives overseas and easily has millions of pounds, houses, businesses. He used to give my DH £1k a month as he was pursuing a career but he quit this. He speaks to his father terribly and I’m not surprised the money river has been blocked by him. He still says now he’ll get money when his father dies.

At first, I didn’t have any money, so it wasn’t really an issue. We just muddled on. There was always some crisis that came up, and I’d cover him £50/£100. This actually stacked up to over £4k in the time I’ve known him. I’ve always been good with money (as I’ve never had it), and ended up with overdrafts and stress managing the both of us.

Whenever I bring up that there is disparities in our efforts and income, there’s a whole “not everyone is as lucky as you” and “I don’t have any qualifications so there’s no point in looking”.

I’ve got to the point where I look at his family’s lifestyle, his private education, international links… and I just think, lucky, me? Really? You had everything handed to you and you achieved nothing. I don’t expect him to magically end up in a lucrative career, but just some semblance of being an adult would be be nice.

It feels like there’s zero appreciation or respect for what I do for us, the hours I work, the job I do… I’ve told him I can’t live on trust the process and we’ll make it work, but it ends up with him sulking saying he can’t go back to menial jobs as it will “kill him” 🙄 join the club, my job is fucking hard!

Funny how the harder you work, the luckier you are. Honestly he’s never going to change. Get out now before you have kids.

damemaggiescurledupperlip · 20/09/2026 23:04

30 years ago, two of my friends were in this position: one with an occasionally working actor, the other with a would-be opera singer. The actor was reluctant to take on any external work in case he got a role on tour (turned out he bonked extensively on rep tours) The opera singer wanted to spend more and more of what my friend earned on courses in Italy, and private lessons, etc etc etc, which he’d pay back of course when he made it big.

Both my friends divorced and have never looked back. Neither man made a dent in their respective industries

Icecreamisthebest · 20/09/2026 23:02

Just end it now. It won't get any better.

You already resent him and that's fair enough, most people would.

Move on and be happy.

Happyjoe · 20/09/2026 23:01

Sorry, OP. You seem to have married a petulant, spoiled child who isn't being a partner.

He's not willing to talk about it, shuts you down, this no respect for you as a person.
He is dismissive of your achievements, thinks everything you have is luck.
Doesn't respect you with the lack of thought (cup of tea) or keeping the house clean.

Your hard work being a doc is flipping hard work. Childhood friend of mine is a doctor, it takes over your life - from uni onwards. People may know about the working day hours but they may not realise that to keep going on in your job you take more and more exams, so it's a long day at work, more work at home and then more study to proceed. So when you are studying until midnight and hearing him play on playstation or whatever, how are you going to feel?

Having a partner like yours would do my head in. He's never really faced reality, his upbringing has created a bit of a man child. I guess now you have to ask yourself if this is what you want for the next (however many years) of your life? To feel no respect, support or even listened to?

You, as you go on as a doc, will be creating more wealth. Do you want to get to 10, 20 years time and reach the end and give him half? Because that's what you're doing - for him to sit on his arse. I would really consider what you want out of this marriage.