AIBU to resent funding my husband while he works part-time?

What has his mother got to do with it. If you have no kids id leave. Lazy man baby

My ex DH was very similar, OP, although minus the entitled upbringing. I put myself through law school and became moderately successful while he went from one mediocre job to another, often working freelance or on short term contracts with no security. One memorable time he was sacked when I was 37 weeks pregnant with our second child. When he had money he spent it on himself and refused to participate in any financial planning or budgeting. My salary was what he relied on and whatever he could “borrow” from friends and family. Did he feel emasculated? Yes but he expressed it through resenting me and complaining that I was too demanding and controlling. Don’t do what I did and stay with your freeloader for 20 years while you become corroded with resentment.

No kids so easy to leave, I’d just go. He has no respect for the work you have done to get where you are and the work you are doing now. I wouldn’t mind this set up if I had to do absolutely nothing after my 12 hour shifts, food made, laundry done, house clean etc etc.

Aside from that you just don’t like him, thats reason enough to ditch him. His mum is awful.

Except he's not just trying to put all his effort into his art, he's not being a good partner, mate, or even house share. He is not pulling his weight, and is deeply dismissive and unpleasant.

It feels very odd to describe him as a creative sort,as if that gives you carte blanche to behave badly, and chastise OP for working a 48 hour week which would generally be manageable if she lived alone with a cleaner once a month, and a decent supply of ready meals 3 or 4 times a week.

48 hour plus coming home to carnage and an unpleasant flatmate would be considered untenable in a shared house.

Interesting, that stopped me in my tracks too, but I had a bit of a think. Even if you use old fashioned expressions, they can still be relevant. I would say emasculated is in the same bag as "bad wife". In current parlance those are both about being an unsupportive spouse, not pulling your weight, but they used to be attached to gender which was your identity and attached to notions of being a good or bad man or woman, rather than person.

I absolutely understand that if you find your husband unattractive because of his behaviour, you feel he is not displaying the traits you find desirable in a man.

Bit waffly, but that's how my brain works at the moment.

Tldr - agree it's a jarring term, but can see why she used it.

I was going to say exactly this. If you came home from work and found the house spotless, the garden in order, supper cooked and waiting for you, your husband at his drawing board sketching (or whatever art he supposedly does) then it might be different. But what you are describing is yuck.

There is so much wrong here.

He's a lazy bastard. I don't see mention of you coming home to a good dinner, a cleaned house, laundry down. Income doesn't have to be equal but the one with less hours shoukd be making the others life easier. My husband is retired - I come home to a clean house and a hot meal. He makes and effort.

I wouldn't be married to someone I couldn't combine finances with - I don't borrow from my spouse or vice versa. To me, that tells me he's never really been a partner. You're another parent figure.

If you love him, marriage therapy, ans start with putting boundaries on his family's involvement with your marriage.

Honestly, with no children, I'd suggest LTB

Divorce. That feeling of repulsion won’t go. He is unlikely to change his ways as Mummy encourages his lazy lifestyle. Divorce him before your savings increase (he will take half) and divorce him before your earning potential grows. I’m relieved you don’t have any children yet as I can foresee YOU paying HIM child maintenance and him being the stay at home dad.

YANBU in finding him to be deeply unattractive. His values aren’t even close to being aligned to yours, and with his mother’s simpering support, they never will be.

I think you’re both just not compatible- I have writer friends and working part time while immersing themselves in their writing while not making money is what creatives do! If you’re disgusted by him- I wouldn’t like anyone to be disgusted by me so
I’d say ye are better off apart. I also think the problem is you working 48 hours, you’re working yourself into the ground and I’d get it’s making you more irritated that he’s not

edited to add you definitely shouldn’t have a baby together!!

If you are thinking of having children, he is clearly not the person to do it with.

Darling you need to get out asap. Before the sunken cost is even more of a financial burden. You can move to somewhere fabulous, your earning potential will increase and you will meet a grownup.

This. It sounds like the marriage won’t last, so better to cut your losses now. He’ll eventually have his greedy hand in your retirement. He’s a loser, and doesn’t care what you think. How dare he? I’m angry on your behalf.

just imagine if you stay in this marriage he will be entitled to half of your pension. Get rid of him asap.

Divorce. He sounds appalling and you deserve better.

He sees you as a resource. He’s off the scale entitled. He is not a good husband and wouldn’t make a good dad. If you don’t divorce him now, you will regret it. You don’t have that many fertile years left. And the last thing you need is to tie yourself to someone, who is all take and no give.

As other say.. flip the genders and this is a quite normal living set up for families that can afford it.

I know quite a few families (not including those engaged in childcare) where the wife works part time, or follows a passion.

But none of that matters. You are repulsed by it, and that is that. Hard to come back from that unless he is willing to radically change

I was onboard until you said “emasculated “. Plenty of people support each other as you describe, but both people in the marriage need to be on board with it. I think you’re in a precarious situation if he can’t up his working hours and support you in turn if you wanted to work part time for a while.

He has zero respect for you op.

Divorce the freeloading manchild.

Choose to be happy.

Forgive me if I'm getting this wrong, but does he (and/or you) come from a certain ethnic background? The spoilt son thing sounds dreadfully familiar.

Oh, and also, sunk cost fallacy. You're wasting time.

Put the hours aside OP, do you love him? Do you want kids and think he will make a good father? The only family member you get to pick is your partner….you must see all the stories on MN…make sure you pick well!

Can you imagine yourself growing old together, does he have the right morals that compliment yours?

If you don’t agree with most of the above the relationship is dead. Divorce him now is easier for a clean break. Once you get to 4/5 years they class this as medium length and he could be entitled to half your savings / pension etc. the sooner you do it the better

You need to end it before he can get his claws in deeper.
In the meantime, buy him nothing. If he wants to borrow money, the answer is no. If you are renting and your name is on the lease, get it off and move, because you know he won't.
Just don't let much more grass grow under your feet or he will be entitled to more and more of your life.

And make sure you do NOT get pregnant!

You sound exhausted. If he’s not willing to do the housework and cooking while you earn the money then , well, LTB.

It’s a short marriage so go for a clean break financially. Get a good lawyer because otherwise he’ll keep on thinking he’s entitled to your money.

You can just tell him it’s not working for you (excuse the pun) and want him to leave. As his mum is so concerned that your expectations are too high then he can leach off her. Then start divorce proceedings.

OP, life is so much better without these types sucking the life out of you.
Believe me.

Your future self will thank you.