AIBU to resent funding my husband while he works part-time?

This is such an interesting test and you have certainly proved your point. I wonder how many people realise though? 98% think you're not unreasonable... if you changed the 'he' for 'she' you'd get a very different response. Hypocrisy is rife on Mumsnet!

Why are you still with him? You resent him. You feel disgusted by his null working ethic. He snidely makes you feel "less" than him calling you lucky when it's the other way around (diminishing you as a person to cover for his own failures)

You are young, hard working and with a great future ahead. You don't have children together.

Again the question....WHY are you still married to him?

For an educated woman you are being incredibly silly OP. He brings nothing to the table, nothing. You are working to support you both, he relies on other people to support and always has done. You basically chose to marry a child, so yes YABU to complain that you received exactly what you willingly signed up for. You're young and have only been married for 2 years. The sensible thing would be to walk away now, while you still can, and before you have kids. Alternatively you can stick with it and complain about the situation for years to come.

LTB

Please, please divorce this man.

I may be completely off piste here, but the ONLY reason I can comprehend why you haven’t left this sorry excuse of a manchild - is cultural issues ? Because in my experience, no matter how proud your family are of your career and achievements, nothing is more important than your marital status. I am also assuming that whilst you’re probably not in a traditional arranged marriage - the match with your husband’s wealthy family was very much encouraged and divorce will reflect badly on you and yours.
I have also noticed the huge indulgence afforded the young men of wealthy south Asian families, with poor behaviour from feckless husbands explained away as ‘settling into married life’ .

If I am close to the mark, it’s time you cast off thoughts of divorce being your ‘failure’ and do not sacrifice all your hard work and career on the altar of old fashioned, misogynistic taboos. Your marriage is short enough now, that you would both walk away with pretty much what you came with. Don't wait another 5 years for a higher salary for him to be able to claim on it.

Get out now, before you invest more years and money into this shirker. Don't wait until you've built up a large pot of savings/pension that he could then take half of in a divorce later.

If this is how you feel about him, it’s over OP. There’s no coming back from this level of contempt and you don’t need your feelings to be validated here.

He sounds like a spoilt freeloader who’ll just move on to the next meal ticket. Every person I know in a creative field that doesn’t support them full time either works to supplement their income, or adapts their lifestyle to what they can afford. They don’t just expect to waft around being arty on somebody else’s dime.

I don’t blame you for finding this deeply unattractive (and I’d say the same if the sexes were reversed).

OP, you've only been married 2 years. The longer you stay married to him, the more of YOUR assets he could be entitled to, upon divorce. You have incurred £16K savings, potentially he could walk away with £8K of that money, as it stands now! I don't see a judge awarding him part of your pension after 2 years of marriage but the longer you stay married, that's a real possibility. Of course he wants you to sink the £16K into a house deposit, because then he could be entitled to 50% of the equity if you divorced!!

I can guarantee that when you initiate divorce proceedings, he will turn nasty. Not due to being devastated at the loss of his marriage, but because he's pissed off at losing his cash cow.

Seek urgent legal advice, and end the marriage by serving him divorce papers. Send him back to Mummy!

Why did you marry (or even date) him knowing this - that he was basically funded by his parents?

I’m a dr too- are you ina training post? If not, how on earth are you working 48 hours/week and earning £45k? Are you in the uk?

If you have cct’d and in the uk, I think you need to seek an alternative position as that is very low for a full time post.

If he really was pursuing his passion and you could see him building something meaningful for the future, then it might be worth it. But this sounds like he’s just working part time and being lazy - especially if you come home and he’s just on the sofa surrounded by the day’s mess.

Plenty of people pursue their ‘passion’ at weekends and during evenings while still working full time. I do and it’s absolutely possible. If my ‘passion’ ever turns into an income stream then I’ll look to reduce the hours of my other job then, but certainly not until that’s a possibility.

Aaah the famous “artist era”.

Cue the old joke, “What do you call an artist without a girlfriend?”

Answer: homeless

I would instigate divorce. Before your salary increases. You haven’t been married long. You can start again and find someone decent.

Passion my arse. Hes a lazy cocklodger.
Tell him to shape up or ship out

This would put me off H on many levels. Even if he got a full time job now what’s to say he wouldn’t pack it in later or not work at all if you had kids - I bet he’d always have an excuse.
Cut your losses whilst young and find someone who suits you better.

He will not change ! My neighbour is like this . Now in their 70 s no kids because he pushed back every time she brought it up . She worked full time from 15 to 68 he did bits of jobs to fit round his passion he doesn't even have a full pension she is still keeping him . On top she did all household chores DIY gardening finances everything was her job he can't ( won't ) even make a cup of tea . He is terrified she will get ill because whose going to look after him then . His parents supported him in his passion ( which came to nothing probably because he's bone idle ) till they died . She didn't have a decent job like you do and she had no family support so she put up with it . Don't be the same OP your life will be much easier on your own

Just get rid. And tell his father exactly what he’s done and how much he owes you. If he’s so rich, he may well pay you back out of sheer embarrassment at his son’s behavior! Not that that would be his responsibility but you shouldn’t have to suffer because of his laziness.

You are not lucky, you got to where you are through sheer hard work and determination.

Just think how easy life would be if you ditched him! Give him and ultimate, his used to sponging off people and you are next in line.

Do NOT have children with someone like this.

I agree with everyone else - you should divorce him. You’ve already got “the ick” which is very hard to recover from - and ask yourself this… what value does he add to your life?

Does he make you happy? Doesn’t sound like it from your posts.

Does he pay his share? Nope.

Does he run the house, cook the dinners, take on the mental load, etc? Not from what you describe.

Does he provide emotional support to you? No - the exact opposite.

If he made you happy then maybe this is something you could work through in counselling. As he doesn’t, and it sounds like you want children, I would get out of this relationship now to give yourself time to meet someone who is your equal and will be the right person to start a family with. Don’t be tempted to stay so that you can have children - it will make it so much harder to leave, will have you tied to him forever, and could you imagine what he’d be like as a dad?

This. Not only is it a good financial decision to get rid now, imagine what a child would turn out like with him for a Dad.

You’re repulsed by him.

he’s lazy and entirled

this will not get better

leave him and enjoy the fruits of all your studies and hard work

@Stressedbadlydressed first marriage vibes here…photography was his passion meanwhile I was working long hours in tech to hold the mortgage down etc he had failed to launch as an adult, was crap round the house too. Divorced him early 30s and I have no regrets.

He’s a lazy freeloader. Good god, don’t have kids with him! Leave him, it won’t get better.