AIBU to resent funding my husband while he works part-time?

Are you serious?

Oh here we go, another one. We could all have a passion and declare that working full time/in a job we hate would kill us if someone else was funding us. His mother doesn't want him back hence her guilt tripping you. His DF has had enough of him. He will jack work in completely soon so he can concentrate on his passion/sitting around doing nothing.

You are an intelligent young woman with a whole range of opportunities in front of you. Get rid of him.

Leave him to pursue his passion.

Night shifts and public transport don’t necessarily coincide

This is also true..

I can't imagine the stress of doing all that medical training, presumably imaging a comfortable home life to offset the work, and then also struggling at home.

Hospitals are located in centres with good transport links. Why does she need the expense of a car?

@topcat2014 While I agree with you, and making the right decision for your own family can absolutely mean a stay at home parent or homemaker as you call it., in this case that's not it... the OP's husband is just a bum.

I am a high(ish) earner, and was higher so a while back. DW been homemaker, PT work etc.

We shouldn't have to base society around two highly stressed wage slaves in every household.

I'd buy a car with those savings for your work before I would share a penny with that user loser.

Turn the heating off? Uuhhmm, it's September. Surely it isn't on? Must be time for the annual heating thread.

Good advice here. Re my question, wasn't just referring to OP situation but to short marriages in general.

That wouldn't have helped because he was getting funded by his father. Things only changed when the OP had to fund him because he fell out with his Father.
OP as said, separate your finances. Speak to whoever you need to, to fit a solicitor appointment in. At the moment you are on nights, that's hard going. So one step at a time. Don't be spurred along by some of the advice, it could get you arrested/lose out in the long run. Tell the solicitor about the £4k owed. You can only do what's legally allowed. You now don't have to feed him or sub him. But be prepared for him to fight dirty. While he thinks there's a chance that you will go back on things, he might stay as he is. Once he knows that you are serious then things might change. So legal advice is crucial, before you think of moving out etc.

I’m a high earner and couldn’t be married to someone who wasn’t also. It changes everything: your lifestyle now, what you can offer your kids, your retirement prospects, financial stress etc etc.

Not to mention your DH sounds like a loser, no respect for you or his family. I also count be married to someone who doesn’t care about me. He doesn’t care that you’re tired and stressed.

Never heard the term starter marriage but meaning is obvious? Are these people who haven't lived together before taking the plunge?

Totally agree with @Sxwer . I also know people who have done this.

@Stressedbadlydressed I know it feels awful now but your future self will thank you.

Time to get legal advice and consider your options.

In OP's shoes, I'd play hard ball and tot up all the money he has 'borrowed' because it's clear that he hasn't repaid any of it yet. It may be that this figure can be offset against any financial claim he makes against op.
Get the home valued as if bought in recent years there may be negative equity. If there is, and OP can afford to buy him out, it may be a strong bargaining point to get him to leave sooner rather than later if he can be persuaded to just walk away from the mortgage (but still legally remove him from it obviously).

He sounds very childish and is playing the victim.
You need to see a solicitor asap.
Don't buy any food for him, don't give him any more cash. Keeps things as separate as you can.
It will be worth the short term pain if you proceed to divorce.

He 'always' paid the mortgage deliberately - then 'borrowed' to pay for living costs. He can legitimately claim to have funded his share of the mortgage.

It was a mistake to marry him. Don't make the mistake worse by staying in the marriage. For us here reading your thread, Stressed, he is clearly a bum. He saw a meal ticket in you - med student/ j doctor. We see a kind woman, who fell for his charm. You kissed the frog, then married him, Woops. No one is ill. Plan B, get out of this marriage ASAP and move on.

I think he saw this day coming. If he's paid the mortgage he'll be hard to move. No more Mrs, Nice

She does have a mortgage. It's in the initial post.

The first post mentions DH contributing towards the mortgage. I think the £16k savings would be part of a deposit for a new house, if OP wasn’t, very sensibly, legging it.

Op doesn’t have a mortgage she has £16k savings that her husband thinks she should use as a deposit on a house.
I would start gathering up your important documents and put them in a safe place and find somewhere else to live, give your landlord notice and tell husband you are leaving him. Start divorce proceedings when you are living by yourself, he won’t leave because you are his meal ticket so you are going to be the one who leaves and then he will move in with his mum and creep round his dad.

Rarely that straightforward. Yes, if the OP is too upset to work safely, then she needs to escalate it and take time off. But I doubt that she wants to have her training put back, and end up out of sequence, for the sake of playing silly buggers with this immature arsehole.

If you are struggling to be able to work with all this going on, have a chat with your ES, or your training programme director.

First save all legal documents,passport, marriage cert, birth cert, house deeds… remove from house.
Change all passwords, especially joint cloud/ipad etc, & bank access.
Tell him you will paying half mortgage/ electric bill/heating/water only. from this day on.
The divorce papers will be on their way.
An estate agent is coming to evaluate house, it will be sold unless he can buy you out.
Tell him whats happening, be firm, ruthless.
Also turn the heating off. Cancel all subs.Netflix/Prime or change password.
Put TV in your room & get a lock.
Do not feed him, nor do his laundry or any domestic chores.
He will probably run to Mummy

Can you take some extended leave from work, lie and tell him you've quit to follow your passions and its up to him to support you both? You never know, he might remove himself....

This just confirms you’re doing the right thing. Speak to a solicitor to start understanding the process, speak to an estate agent, and even if it costs you more start only feeding yourself even if you have to take meals out. Stop funding anything he touches, even down to the teabags.

If he doesn’t make his share of the bills, don’t panic, document it and get it back from the proceeds of the house sale

No surprise there.

No point in discussing anything.
Solicitor and start the process of divorcing this loser.

This is your "Starter Marriage", a couple of my friends had them.
Shit happens.
The trick is to realise it, learn from it, and move the hell on.

They did.
They went on to have very successful relationships afterwards.

Truthfully, 35 years on, they can barely remember them.