AIBU to resent funding my husband while he works part-time?

Interesting responses. How many female partners on here earn less than their husband or are part time. What should the correct response be if the boot was on the other foot?

Apart from anything else, if you want children, he is totally incompatible as a partner for that. It's a 24/7 job, the hardest job in the world, and yet he's "too tired" and sits around relaxing when he doesn't even work full-time. So on that basis alone there is nothing to salvage here. If you don't want children that's fine too, but you have mentioned that.

I think if a man had written your post, there would have been a different reaction, OP.

I worked part time when STBXH and I met but I had a lot more in terms of assets. I put down a 60% deposit on our £500k home, for example.

When STBHX left his job to follow his passion, he wanted me to increase my hours so he could carry on with his hobby job that earned no money. I said no, I would rather move to a cheaper house as I didn’t want to work more for a lifestyle i didn’t want.

Anyway, we’re getting divorced now so I’ll lose a big chunk of that deposit anyway.

He's basically a cocklodger, he sponged off his father until he was so odious that that gravy train dried up. Now he's done the same with you.
His perfectly all right Jack.
What's to like? coming home & he's lying on the sofa (you bought) infront of a TV (you bought) No meal? No shopping.
I'm sorry but this is over, he is a leach & you will meet someone with the same work ethic that will make you happy in the next chapter.
You are young, have no children. Go forth & flourish.

I dont understand your point? Thats an entirely different scenario?

How can you not see this is totally different?

Imagine it’s a man writing this. My husband is a hospital cleaner. £25000 a year earning he pays the mortgage and most bills. I don’t work at all due to health reasons. We do lots of ‘cheap days out and weekends. If I earn more then I’d pay more. He pays his half of the mortgage sounds a poor marriage plan.

Get out of this marriage asap. He's a self-centred and mean person. He's low on empathy and selfish. His interaction with his father is horrible and he's obviously never felt grateful for anything or to anyone, including yourself. Stop giving him money and with any luck he'll leave of his own volition. If he won't leave, you'll have to, which sounds as though it could be difficult with the number of hours you work. You'll probably find friends and relatives will willingly support you as they've watched on the sidelines; you may be surprised at what they think of him when you finally make the break. I wish you the strength to use your anger now and release yourself from this burden.

His responses to my stress are “quit your job if you’re stressed”, “go part time if you’re stressed”, and, “if you loved me you wouldn’t think I was taking money from you”.

And of course because he loves you so much, he does whatever he can to make your life easier while you're working 12 hour night shifts as a doctor.

Ah...

🤢. He sounds revolting. Get rid. Don’t waste your time and money. 🤮🤮🤮

He sounds awful. He can be awful and you can love him, not mutually exclusive however aside from the money, he's completely disregarding your feelings which is a huge red flag.

I wouldn’t be able to tolerate this either. It’s deeply unattractive.

Don’t have kids with him. You will end up earning the money and doing all the childcare; it will all be on you.

Get out while you can.

Don’t have children with this man. He won’t change and from what you have described he’s a selfish, lazy scrounger - totally unattractive and completely understandable that you’re going off him. You may feel love for him now but in the long run you will just feel resentment towards him (well it sounds like you already are).

You will look back in years to come and be living a totally different life, and thinking “what on earth was I doing with that loser?”

Id leave him

But if you arent ready, id certainly say no to the money requests if he wants more spends he better increase his hours

OP, your husband sounds like a narcissist. You're in for a miserable life if it's true.

Right
in the nicest possible way
get rid of this leetch
he sounds lazy and entitled
you deserve better

This wont improve. Trust someone who knows. Set yourself free.

@Stressedbadlydressed

Also this!

@Stressedbadlydressed

This.

Oh goodness, OP. What a mess.

You are not a team. He has no drive. He won’t get any better. And then wait until his midlife crisis kicks in.

You’d be ending things because of his attitude - it stinks.

Well done on your hard work, please don’t let him bleed you dry, in more ways than one!

And DON’T have any children with him!

Good luck!

My advice is don't waste anymore years on him. You're young, in the prime of your life. Cut him loose and live your life free of his shackles. He'll never change.

You're a very smart and determined woman, you'll live a great life without him.

Also make sure you get a Clean Break when divorcing, so he cannot come after you for money in the future.

Time to cut the cord OP

He's taking the piss. I'm a freelance illustrator who has always had a full time job as its not sustainable to just freelance in art for most of us, I had a very tiring full time paye job for years while working on briefs and my own artwork in the evenings or weekends. If you've got the drive and buzz for it you just do it, it's a pleasure to create work. If you can afford to be part time and create in the down time then fantastic, but he can't afford to, he needs to get real!

Unfortunately he’s made it clear that he’s onto a good thing and has zero intentions of making any effort to meet in the middle. It’s you that needs to make a decision here. You can love someone, but not like who they are. At this point what exactly are you getting from the relationship? He doesn’t sound like he’ll ever make an effort to make sure your wants and needs are met. As long as you run yourself into the ground earning funds for him to do whatever he wants with, he’ll be happy. Do you think he would do the same in reverse for you? I highly doubt it.

He sounds very manipulative. I agree with most PPs that you should move on. You’re fundamentally incompatible and his family background has left him with a great sense of entitlement and zero work ethic. You are still so young, you have so much to look forward to. This sounds like a “starter marriage” and don’t feel bad about wanting to leave it. One day you’ll meet someone else whose values align with yours and who deserves you x

He has to contribute more! Marriage is a partnership that in my opinion means half of all including finances ! You'd be able to manage your life without him. Tell him go live with his mother! A question you need to ask yourself is this what you want for the rest of your life ?