DH response to me being upset

103 replies

AliceAbsolum · 20/09/2026 20:17

I've had a lot of childhood stuff come up recently. This morning I ended up crying because I was remembering some really difficult times in my teenage years.

DH came home from cycling and asked me what was wrong, I replied " I've just been meditating and I feel so sad, just remembering how my parents really hated me at 14"

To which he replied "is that wise?" (As in the meditation) Then he walked off out the room while saying " they didn't hate you all the time they did love you as well" before coming back in and saying nothing.

I reacted to this with sadness. Walked away. Feel like my feelings are not valid. He didn't want to deal with it. He just wanted me to feel ok again.

Now he's pissed off because apparently my emotional standards are set too high for him.

Aibu to feel he should have responded more compassionately?

OP posts:

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 23/09/2026 06:25

TheSlantedOwl · 22/09/2026 22:57

Some very harsh, victim- blaming, unsympathetic posters on this thread @AliceAbsolum .

People saying ‘everyone has childhood trauma’ as if that means everyone should ‘buck up’ are clueless. Not all traumas are of equal impact.

Look after yourself.

Nobody’s saying OP should “buck up” but as an adult, you have a responsibility to get yourself help if you’re struggling with your past. You can’t live the rest of your life wallowing and sobbing over things that happened 30 years ago - well, you can I suppose, but people are soon going to lose patience with you if you do.

There comes a point in life where you have to decide not to let your past define you anymore. It’s not about “bucking up” but it’s about coming to terms with whatever happened to you and finding happiness, otherwise, well, you’re letting stuff you can’t change ruin your present and future and that’s just a bit silly.

pictoosh · 23/09/2026 06:49

TheSlantedOwl · 22/09/2026 23:17

But she didn’t describe wanting or needing endless support? That seems to have been assumed.

Agree. I don't think OP's dh did anything wrong so I voted YABU. At the same time, there's nothing to support the notion that OP is typically draining or perpetually sad and needy. Some posters are simply assuming that, then posting as though it were fact.

Sunbringer · 23/09/2026 07:30

I think his reaction one many of us would have made tbh. It’s worrying to come home to an adult crying over something that happened at 14. And meditation is meant to be clearing the mind not focusing on the past.

I think you need to meet in the middle and express what you need in that moment as he probably felt confused and worried. Just say ‘I could do with a hug and some love for a minute’ and he’d probably comply. He’s not a mind reader. I’d think my husband was having a breakdown if he was weeping about his teenagerdom.

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