Sibling graduation is an exceptional curcumstance

You’re unreasonable. Exceptional circumstances are supposed to be rare, significant, unavoidable (cannot be rescheduled for outside school hours) and short.

I’d agree it’s short and probably unavoidable. It’s hardly rare (or “once in a lifetime”) though - a youngest child could have multiple siblings, all having multiple graduations. Something like a half of working age adults have a degree or equivalent qualification. Yes it’s a significant achievement for your older child but it’s not really significant for your younger one - it’s not their achievement. So I’d say it’s not an exceptional circumstance.

If you really think it’s important enough for your child to miss school over just take the one day unauthorised and move on.

Um. The one that says a sibling's graduation ceremony is not an authorised absence.

I thought it was a board to genuinely ask others opinions on whether you’re being unreasonable about something - when you feel unsure and would value other’s perspectives? Otherwise just put it on chat or something - if you’re just going to dismiss or argue back with everyone who does indeed think you’re being unreasonable! What’s the point in asking?!

I don’t think it’s an exceptional event. It’s great she’s graduated but it’s quite a standard thing to do. My younger siblings didn’t come to mine (I was only allowed 2 people anyway.) I think they’d have been bored out of their minds sitting there for hours in all honesty. We all went out for a family meal in the evening to celebrate.

Am still genuinely curious what university gives out so many family tickets! (I know, not the point, but have never heard of such a thing)

I think the issue with this sort of thing is that what is important to each family is different and asking the school to judge this is impossible. Everyone has the ability to have a few unauthorised days off school without repercussion for exactly this sort of random thing - for some that’s an affordable flight to see grandparents, for others it’s a graduation or wedding or birthday. It doesn’t matter and the school doesn’t need to make a judgement call.

This thread shows that there’s wildly different views on how important a graduation ceremony is. That’s not important really. It’s important to you and your family and you are prioritising it over school that day. That’s totally fine, no judgement from me. The school isn’t judging you either. They’re just saying it’s not on their list for excused absence - not that they’ll do anything to you or your daughter if you think it’s worth it.

That is so shocking. It is like family doesn’t matter

Your frustration is misplaced though, it’s not the schools fault.

They probably agree with you but just aren’t in a position to authorise the absence.

I've just been to graduation, and we were at dd's four years ago. Very few people had siblings there. Parents made up the majority, one of the few younger ones who I thought was sibling, I got talking to, and was boyfriend not sibling.

It's your dd's day, she probably won't want to take a day off work in 9 years time to go to your ds' graduation, give her a special day to herself.

I don’t blame you, life happens and I don’t want a government dictating to me whether a child can attend important family events. I know they are not going to stop them but the “unauthorised” would get my goat. I am such a supporter of education it is a thing that cannot be taken away from a person. You can lose your wealth but not your education. So I don’t want to come across like it does not matter. With rural communities if kids miss a day you would go to friends in the same class and get the info and get them to catch up without involving the teacher. My husband is also so glad we made the move back for the education system alone.

Well you don't do everything right do you? Because what you're doing goes against school rules.

ETA my own sibling graduation story. My sister fainted at my graduation ceremony (hangover and boredom) and had to be carried out in front of a celebrity (whose daughter was in my year). She has never been able to watch that celebrity (still famous) since without cringing.

My graduation (1989) was a big deal because I was the first person in my family to go to university and get a degree. My parents attended but not my sibling as there were only 2 tickets per graduate. My husband and I attended our eldest child's graduation but their sibling did not - guess what? 2 tickets per graduate. Youngest child graduated in June 2021, no ceremony thanks to lockdown but it will be held in November 2027 (I'm betting not many will be attending). Youngest child won't be attending as they believe the important bit was the results and that the ceremony will be both boring and meaningless. They do not see it as exceptional in any way (and they got a First).

I think it will also depend on the university. My graduation ceremony was huge. Well over a thousand graduates. My poor dad still can’t believe he had to sit and clap for three hours for 10 seconds of me. I wouldn’t put a child through that.

They literally have a list of what is considered an exceptional circumstance. And that list is incredibly narrow.

They’re not assessing you as a family or your child as an individual. They’re looking at what you’ve requested and where that fits against the criteria.
The school have little to no flexibility on this.

Why have you put this in AIBU? You’ve clearly already made your mind up!

They’ll check against the criteria and say yes or no. Thats as far as it goes. No case-by-case basis. You really think schools have the time to check how ‘perfect’ your family is before they make a decision? No, they haven’t.

My old place of work (a Scottish secondary) would have been delighted for a pupil to attend a sibling's graduation. The SLT would have agreed with the OP that it's an important milestone.

Her younger child's education IS visiting a University and seeing the graduates!!!

I have never been so inspired as to see hundreds of young adults being awarded for their application to study.

It is ridiculous for a secondary school to be so short sighted as to refuse to see a child attending a graduation as anything but educational.

YANBU

I think a 13 year old will be bored at a graduation. They can go on for a long time with the speeches being boring. I’m sure he’d have a better time at school with his friends.

This is an important family event, of course you must all go. Tell the school you have to travel to the event and DS13 can’t stay on his own.

I couldn’t imagine myself living in Ireland and having the audacity to say ‘This shitty Irish school nonsense’

All my family are Irish btw, although I was brought up in England. I’d find it rather rude if they lived here and said that.

I will never forgive my parents for leaving that same Irish soil.
I got refused a leave request (Was working in the NHS) for my son's graduation. I handed my notice in on the spot.