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Original poster

Sibling graduation is an exceptional curcumstance

243 replies

Oldgalgames · 20/09/2026 19:52

I recently applied to my DD13's school for 1 days absence to attend her sisters graduation (DD22) in November which has been declined as its not deemed an 'exceptional circumstance'. My DD13 had 98% attendance last year, was off for the flu last November which has been her only absence, is in top sets for all STEM subects. I know we wont get a fine, and we will be attending as a family anyway, its more the principle as I do truely believe this is of course an exceptional circumstance. A sibling's university graduation happens once or twice in a lifetime, it’s an important family milestone and incredibly inspiring for a 13 year-old to witness. I should add this is the first ever request I have submitted to school for an absence!

I am being unreasonable, school are right to decline this request as its not an exceptional circumstance

I am not being unreasonable it is an exceptional circumstance

OP posts:
OriginalSkang · 20/09/2026 20:09

Its not exceptional for a family member to graduate though, is it? If they authorised yours they would have to do it for everyone. Even for families with ten children and both parents currently at university

Original poster
Oldgalgames · 20/09/2026 20:08

If a once in a lifetime family academic achievement isn't 'exceptional,' then what is? by definition, that is an exceptional, non-routine event. It isn't a holiday to Disney it’s an educational milestone that actively models higher education for a 13 year old. When her older sister attended my graduation years ago (which interestingly was authorised) it directly inspired her own academic journey.

OP posts:
user1471544715 · 20/09/2026 20:06

Exceptional circumstances aren’t defined by the school. They are set out in legislation. The school is just applying this, as they have to.

MickyMoonshine · 20/09/2026 20:06

BugJuice · 20/09/2026 20:02

Schools don’t really have much discretion in it any more. Unless it meets the government definition of an exception circumstance it won’t be granted.
I put in requests knowing they’ll be unauthorised and knowing I’m going to do it anyway.

This. It’s really out of the schools hands now.
There are strict guidelines now which are set by the government.

RecliningMama · 20/09/2026 20:05

cramptramp · 20/09/2026 20:01

No she shouldn’t lie and tell her son to lie to the school. The one day unauthorised doesn’t matter at all. The school won’t do anything.

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Her son won’t even be asked about his day-off.

Smokingtoaster · 20/09/2026 20:05

Just take them, and don’t worry your head about it. I took my child out for 1 day to accompany me to an international competition representing GBR. They gave it as unauthorised absence and wished me luck in the same email. We went. No consequences. Only 1 day so it didn’t matter. They are just following procedure and as it has no fine or consequences there is nothing to be bothered about. Just move on.

attichoarder · 20/09/2026 20:04

I would have thought the school would encourage this as it’s a celebration of achievement and could be extremely motivating. I think the school were wrong to deny it

BugJuice · 20/09/2026 20:02

Schools don’t really have much discretion in it any more. Unless it meets the government definition of an exception circumstance it won’t be granted.
I put in requests knowing they’ll be unauthorised and knowing I’m going to do it anyway.

RecliningMama · 20/09/2026 20:02

Oldgalgames · 20/09/2026 20:01

Why do they have to decline it? They are able to authorise requests in exceptional circumstances. I dont want to teach my children to lie

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Graduation isn’t an exceptional circumstance. A death in the family is.

Thingcanonlygetbetter · 20/09/2026 20:01

Another thread that makes me want to get off the sofa and kiss the Irish soil and thank god that I got my English husband to move from England before we had kids. You go to your lovely family day out, and ignore the nonsense. That family day will be as you say an inspiration to your young child. School are being completely unreasonable.

Divinedownload · 20/09/2026 20:01

It’s not exceptional. I would still take my child though and just report as sick.

cramptramp · 20/09/2026 20:01

RecliningMama · 20/09/2026 19:58

Ofcourse the school has to decline your request, their priority is your child’s education.

However, you shouldn’t have involved them and just called in sick for one day.

No she shouldn’t lie and tell her son to lie to the school. The one day unauthorised doesn’t matter at all. The school won’t do anything.

Original poster
Oldgalgames · 20/09/2026 20:01

RecliningMama · 20/09/2026 19:58

Ofcourse the school has to decline your request, their priority is your child’s education.

However, you shouldn’t have involved them and just called in sick for one day.

Why do they have to decline it? They are able to authorise requests in exceptional circumstances. I dont want to teach my children to lie

OP posts:
LittleOrangeEgg · 20/09/2026 20:01

Can you even get enough tickets for your 13 yr old to come? A lot of of universities limit it to 2 per student

EntirelyUnnecessary · 20/09/2026 20:00

My siblings did not attend my graduation and I did not attend theirs. My parents attended mine and TBH it was a somewhat dull event.

YABU in my opinion. DD13 has no need to attend.

nomoreraintoday · 20/09/2026 20:00

It is ridiculous for the school to deny it.

A graduation will be incredibly dull for a child though. It is dull enough for adults.

RecliningMama · 20/09/2026 19:58

Ofcourse the school has to decline your request, their priority is your child’s education.

However, you shouldn’t have involved them and just called in sick for one day.

Purpleelephantsandunicorns · 20/09/2026 19:55

I truly feel that we have to put a lot of the blame for this level of daftness on the government and ofsted. The pressure on schools over attendance is insane.

However you are completely right to take your son. It is a big celebration for your family.