Brief context - DD13, DS11 who stay with him and his partner EOW. We’ve been Separated for over 10 years and he’s now about to have his 6th child, mine are eldest, there’s one in the middle he doesn’t see already.
DD and DS sleep on the sofa so don’t get a proper nights sleep, have instant noodles for dinner each meal (I should say I’m not against easy meals when needed and if affordable, but they come home saying they’re hungry), drop off times have been getting earlier and earlier and he doesn’t wait to check they’re inside the house before he drives off. Sometimes we’ve been out and they’ve come home 45 mins early and only just got back as they pull up - I make sure I’m in for fear they get left at the door and now my daughter takes her key. They begrudge letting them shower there and are apparently not allowed upstairs or in bedrooms. Their two siblings who live with him have priority on meals, clothes etc. They’ve been dropped off early and then they’re off to get McDonald’s for their younger ones (and not hiding it either). They have no belongings there, it’s only what I make sure they pack which cant be nice things as the few times new/nice stuff has gone over, it’s come back ruined or stained. So I get picked up for something that may be getting too small or tracksuit bottoms getting worn at the knees.
Kids don’t mind going at the moment as he’s got them a phone with every social media app unrestricted which I don’t allow at mine. I’ve asked this is removed or at least have some restrictions but told “it’s my house so my rules” - along those words. DS loves instant noodles so thinks it’s awesome! No court arrangement in place and some maintenance paid each month.
When I’ve raised things in the past, it gets brushed under the carpet, or I’m told they'll parent their way.
My plan is to request that they have something proper to sleep on (air mattress or camp bed etc is fine! Just not the sofa? Or am I being too fussy?), that the noodles aren’t cutting it for them anymore and could they have some fruit or something aswell or a different meal, that drop off times need to be stuck to and that they shower each day. If it’s not followed, they won’t be able to go anymore.
I will get so much backlash and be made to feel like I’m asking for the world, but I really don’t think I am? An outsiders perspective would be great please… be harsh, I can take it!