AIBU to miss my sister's Moroccan wedding with an eight-week-old?

You are seeing them get married. You would basically be missing a party. I wouldn’t go

It would be a no from me. I still had trouble walking and aching when mine were eight weeks. Not a chance I'd have managed an airport run, flight, wedding and return - all with two babies strapped to me.

My parents took me to Morocco when I was about 8 months, but at 8 weeks I would be too exhausted to even think about it. It sounds incredibly stressful and with a whole wedding day to get through in the heat, still healing and you don’t even know how the birth will go, you may have Caesarian or stitches. And it would be a lot of money wasted if you can’t go. I would be declining the invite. Morocco is also one of those places where you can get stomach issues with the water, even in a good hotel you have to watch the ice and stuff like that. It just sounds like it will be super stressful and leading up to it you will be panicking and worrying, then there’s packing and passports for the baby. Bringing baby carriers and prams into the flight etc.

There is not a chance I'd go to Morocco for a wedding full stop. Too far, too hot and everyone I know who has been says its an absolute dump full of men harassing you.

Throw into that a toddler and newborn and it would be a no thanks with bells on.

What is wrong with people expecting others to traipse abroad for their wedding. They should obviously just go there on honeymoon.

Is it a wedding in the desert ? I went to one not long ago and it was incredibly hot with no air conditioning. We had an incredible time but we were pretty uncomfortable a lot of the time and we just had to manage ourselves. Your sisters wedding might be different but I wouldn't do the wedding I did in Morocco with a small child, let alone a newborn

Honestly, at 8 weeks I’d be reluctant to go to a different country or climate. That’s the point at which your babies is transitioning from relying on all the antibodies you gave her to building her own immune system. vaccines won’t be effective for 10 - 14 days and are, in any case only the first set and provide only partial immunity. You are intending taking her, at her weakest point, on a crowded plane and through two international transit hubs. Lots of novel (to the baby and to you) pathogens. If you are breast feeding you risk compromising this if you get D&V or some other infection, which is not uncommon in new countries or climates.

On a balance of probabilities, you and she will be most likely be fine. But the risk is not minimal.

Don't go. Even after ny easy second labour I was not in a fit state for international travel 8 weeks pp.

I would plan to go but be ready to pull out and make them all aware.

You would certainly be advised to have a induction after 42 weeks so 2 weeks late is about the limit.

This. Not in Morocco. Too risky.

You'd be mad to do this. With a baby and a toddler, it's not going down the road for a couple of hours.

I've been to Morocco twice, amazing country but the hygiene standards are just not the same as here. It's still a developing country.

If she is marrying into a Moroccan family you have years ahead of you to introduce your kids to that side of it.

We travelled with our first at just after 8 weeks, in many ways it is the perfect age. They sleep a lot still so can be in a sling, the plane journey itself is no problem, if you are breastfeeding then you dont need to worry about boiling water etc. for formula. They also havent started putting everything in their mouth yet and you dont need to worry about foreign ice, salads, meat etc. when theyre weaning.

It would depend on how you recovered though so youd need to manage expectations in case you did need to cancel.

I would absolutely go! I went travelling a lot with mine when they were babies, I love adventures and now my kids are th same, we always word it as a adventure,

but you gotta do you. I wouldn’t hesitate to go

I think it is perfectly understandable why you wouldn't go.

I don't think I would if I am honest.

Since you're breastfeeding, you can be meticulous about drinking safe bottled water and avoiding wet/raw items (for you and the 3yo) and so protect the baby from food and water contaminants that way. But I'd guess that there will be family and friends there who will want to see and interact with the baby, but because they have travelled from the UK or elsewhere and are in an environment which is both unfamiliar AND prone to bacteria and different safety issues than at home, there's heightened risk that the baby (and you) could come into contact with someone with diarrhoea, etc. One thing I'd consider is how large the group at the wedding will be and whether you can reasonably trust/expect them to be very careful about the children.

Morocco isn't covered by GHIC (the reciprocal arrangement for UK travellers to be treated abroad in some circumstance based on their NHS coverage) so make sure you have a good insurance policy for the whole family including private care coverage (Moroccan public hospitals are not what you're likely used to even without the language barrier) and emergency evacuation/repatriation if you do go.

This was going to be my suggestion. A breastfed 8 week old should be easy enough to manage. The 3yr old ... aargh

IMO, destination weddings (where neither bride nor groom have living or family ties to the location) are designed to cull guest lists and keep on the day costs down.

I'd politely decline and wish them the best. Tell them if they live stream it, you'll be watching their happy ceremony.

If you can say you'll go if you feel up to it, If baby comes on time and it's all quite straight forward you might be able to manage it. If she or he is late or there are any complications you probably won't. Your sister should understand, if she starts pushing you say no.

So you have your answer and one that sounds very fair. That you won't be able to say for certain one way or the other until after the baby is born, that you get that may be too late to be logistically acceptable and if that is the case then sadly you have to decline.

Oh in that case I’d definitely skip the Morocco part! You’ll see her get married.

Well they should understand that you can't necessarily make it with a brand new baby! It depends on the baby as well, of course. If s/he is colicky, or doesn't sleep, you could end up spending most of your time with the baby.

I suppose I'm a bit unusual because we never went abroad with our kids until they were beyond baby stage. I had PND after the first, and there was no way I could have coped with the planning and the packing, to say nothing of organising the baby's jabs and passport on a deadline.

I also wouldn’t book until after birth. You could be 6 weeks post c section and in the trenches. I know of a lot of people getting ill in morroco, imagine having a sickness bug out there or your children needing to go to hospital.
id be more inclined to go to Europe but not there x

I’d have a chat with my sister and tell her you’re going to decline for now as you don’t know what will happen around the birth and don’t want to put additional stress and uncertainty on her or you.

If the baby arrives and everything goes well, and you feel like you could go, then have another conversation with her. There would be plenty of time to add another 4 people and the flights would still be reasonably affordable. For myself, I would hate the thought of going through pregnancy, birth, and the thought of having to schlep to a wedding 4000 miles away - it would stop me enjoying my pregnancy so much. Take the pressure off, and if you’re fit and raring to go, put it back on.

Your sister must know that if she’s chosen a destination wedding some people won’t be able to go. Would she consider having some kind of family celebration here as well as the one in Morocco?

Personally, I would tell her now that you will almost certainly be unable to go rather than letting her think it’s a possibility. It will be difficult to get a passport sorted out in time and your baby won’t be vaccinated.