My bf had been on the piss since football yesterday and I didnt hear from him all night

Doing it once should be unacceptable. He has 3 children, including a wee baby. Apart from the unacceptable amount of drinking OP has no idea who he spent the night with.

I hope you have savings? And some sort of back up plan because this situation is extremely precarious. You’re unmarried and without a job. What are you doing about your pension? Is your name on the house?

I would be asking myself why my standards are so low…

How much this fun spree cost op?

Do you seriously think there’s no risk of a fourth?
she needs to be reminded that Shen needs to make better decisions.

Kids or no kids, this is unacceptable. With kids it's especially shitty

No way he's stayed up drinking that long with taking gear.

Does he do this often or is this a complete one off? I think the answer to that is important to how I’d act going forward.

The children are here , what use is your question? do you think she can turn them back into eggs and magic then back into her ovaries? Just for context I had a child with a man who turned out to be an utter waste of space but he did not show a single hint of this during the years we were together before our child was born.

No, you’re definitely not being unreasonable. I wouldn’t tolerate this sort of crap (not that my DH would even want to), but if I did, I would be furious.

We had a little row because I was asking where he’d been and why he couldnt answer his phone and he was basically saying he was fine and I was making a thing of it Is he this much of a selfish dickhead when he’s sober? Or just when he’s drunk? You know he’s behaved badly. I’m guessing this is not the first time he’s done this. It won’t be the last. The question is, what do you want to achieve from this? Is it that you’re just looking for confirmation that he’s a dick and that you’re right to be pissed off? Or are you getting to the end of your tether with his behaviour and trying to decide if this is what you want to be dealing with for the rest of your life?

Your problem is that you’ve left yourself completely vulnerable. If he behaves this badly on a regular basis, and tells you it’s all fine and he’s going to do it again, then you’re left with very little option but to either suck it up and pretend it’s not a problem, (either indefinitely or until you can rent your own home) or take your children, present yourself at the council, ask for emergency accommodation and put in a claim for benefits.

How would he react if, when he sobers up, you just remain calm and say “It’s my turn for a weekend off next week so just make sure your ready to look after the kids.’

Find your anger @LunarViper you are both parents. He can’t rage at you for going out and expect you to say nothing when he basically decides he can just stop and bugger off overnight? Talk about double standards.

Of course it is ok to go out separately but in any kind of partnership/marriage you consider the other person and don’t make assumptions/take them for granted.

Frankly you’d probably find things easier if you dump him.

Otherwise he owes you a nice overnight spa
break where you switch your phone off and leave the lazy arsehole to it.

Stop being a doormat OP. You are trying so hard to keep the peace and not be seen as controlling or bossy, that you are practically horizontal bending over to please him. He is taking the absolute piss, disrespecting you and the family. I would be livid.

Well it's a bit late for that stupid fucking question! I'm pretty sure OP didn't have a crystal ball 🙄

Why would you have three kids with a man like this?

Just reverse the roles here. How angry would he be if you did this?

Yes…I’ve learned a few things from mumsnet over the years. These are never isolated incidents. It’s always a pattern of behaviour where the man barely contributes to the family, doesn’t value what his partner does, doesn’t think his life should change after children (and it doesn’t), and is incredibly disrespectful. If you earn the same or less that your partner, don’t have children without being married, and never give up your job. Also don’t get involved with a man child… What’s done is done though. You need to put yourself in a better position, I doubt this man will change. The bottom line is that a woman always needs to be able to leave a relationship. You are so vulnerable if you can’t.

This is always such bad advice. I doubt she trusts him with the kids, especially without being able to check, and who wants to be away from an 8 month year old anyway?

If he said upfront and it’s a one off (and you them too) then not great, but ok. If not he’s living a single batchelor life. Where was he?

Do you ever get to have a night out with your own friends? Does he ever offer an ounce of help with his children? Or even play with them?

Absolutely unreasonable, even if the children were teenagers it would be.

You are allowed to go and watch football and not drink- the excuse it is a lunchtime game is enough.

Do the children have any drums? Would they like to practice outside of his bedroom?
As others have said, you know that you are not being unreasonable. You need a serious talk about shared responsibilities.

I'd be furious. But what's your financial set up - do you have an income of your own, do you rent or own jointly? Because as PPs have said you are in a v vulnerable position as an unmarried sahm; he's currently holding all the cards and from the sound of things knows it.

Next weekend is your night out, leave him to it, stay with a friend or family/hotel. Let him have the joy of 3 kids himself

It happens. Be as noisy as possible and hope he has a mega hangover. If its an infrequent situation Id let it go.