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Original poster

My bf had been on the piss since football yesterday and I didnt hear from him all night

188 replies

LunarViper · 20/09/2026 16:11

I’ve got 3 kids with my bf, ds is 5, dd is 2 and youngest ds is 8 months. We live together, not married or anything. He works and I’m at home with the kids. Yesterday he went football with his mates at 12.30 and obvs I knew he’d be drinking because thats what they do when they go football.

He came home later on in the afternoon and he’d clearly had a fair bit already. I thought he’d just stay in then tbh but he went back out again later on. I was a bit annoyed because he’d already been out all day really but I didnt tell him he couldnt go or anything. He said he was just going out for a bit and I thought fine whatever, I had the kids anyway.

I last heard from him about 10pm. After that nothing. I messaged him a couple of times and rang once then again later but nothing. At first I wasnt that bothered, I thought he’s probably on the piss and cant hear his phone or something and I didnt want to be that girlfriend constantly asking where he was. But then it got later and later and I still hadnt heard anything.

I had the baby waking up and the other two were up and down as well and I kept checking my phone thinking surely he’ll have messaged by now. I was getting more annoyed every hour really. Its not even like I needed him home to help at that exact moment, I just thought when you’ve got 3 kids at home you would maybe let your partner know you’re ok. I started getting worried as well which made me even more pissed off.

He finally messaged after 12 today saying he was coming home. He got in and he was still absolutely pissed. Not just a bit hungover, proper drunk still and looking like he’d been on the piss all night. We had a little row because I was asking where he’d been and why he couldnt answer his phone and he was basically saying he was fine and I was making a thing of it.

Then he just went upstairs and went to bed. So now I’m downstairs with the 3 kids while he’s asleep it just feels like he’s had a whole night and morning off and I’ve been doing everything. The baby is 8 months so obvs its not exactly like I can just switch off and go to bed either.

I dunno if I’m being dramatic because he is allowed to go out and have a drink and I dont mind him going football at all. I dont even mind him having a big night with his mates really, although going back out after he’d already been drinking did piss me off a bit. But not hearing from him from 10pm until after 12 the next day seems different to me. Maybe I’m being unreasonable but surely you can send one text saying you’re ok?

Its just doing my head in because if I’d gone out at 12.30 yesterday and stayed out all night, then come home still pissed at lunchtime and gone straight to bed, he’d be absolutely raging. I know that doesnt mean I’m right but thats how I’m looking at it. I dont want a relationship where he cant have a night out, I just dont think having kids means you disappear for 14 hours and dont answer anything. Am I being unreasonable for being this annoyed or would you be pissed off too?

OP posts:
Wobblewobblejelly · 20/09/2026 18:59

I suspect they were doing cocaine, possibly with women- 14 hours is an incredibly long time to be out. What a prince and such a great example for your children...

You have sacrificed your career, body and livelihood for a man who won't even marry you. This wasn't a happy accident, 3 whole children without a marriage certificate to protect you whilst sacrificing your career was a choice. You have accepted crumbs and have put yourself and your children in an incredibly precarious position. He knows full well that you are trapped at home with his 3 kids with no prospect of living independently or improving your life. I really don't wish to be unkind, but it is inevitable that he will walk all over you and treat you with disdain. He knows full well that you will accept scraps from him and will be at home waiting as your entire life revolves around him. You are acting like a wife without the security of a marriage certificate. Please, for your own benefit find a way to get back to work.

CopiedMyBlottingBook · 20/09/2026 18:59

Since this is out of character for him, and it sounds like you've been together at least 6 years, I think you should wait till he is fully sober and see what he has to say.

If this is an isolated occurrence, draw a line and move on. What you need to be wary of is this being the start of a new pattern of behaviour.

A red flag would be if he tries to put any of the blame for this on you. I don't think he needs to grovel but you should expect an apology for being left so long with your 3 DC, especially without any meaningful updates from him.

Thepeopleversuswork · 20/09/2026 18:59

He’s a loser, and it will almost certainly get worse.

You’re unmarried and not working with three children which puts you in a financially very vulnerable situation as others have said. No point reprimanding you now because it’s done but clearly your long term priority is to get away from him (and get your children away from him). For Pete’s sake don’t get pregnant again.

Difficult now but do you have any family members who could help? Is there anyone you and the children could stay with temporarily while you plan your next move?

I appreciate working is going to be difficult in the short term but once the children are older that has to be your goal. This is not a good man and not a father.

HylianShroom · 20/09/2026 18:55

Why are you putting up with this? He’s trash.

Sassylovesbooks · 20/09/2026 18:51

Absolutely nothing wrong in having a few to drink or going to football. However, your boyfriend left you on your own with 3 children from 12.30 pm on Saturday and didn't come home until midday on Sunday. That's completely unacceptable. No, you're not being unreasonable at all.

Your boyfriend has responsibilities, he's a Dad and partner, not a single man. If you'd behaved in the same way, he'd be livid (and rightly so!). You need to remind him of that fact! I would be furious and he'd know it!

FannybygaslightinGovan · 20/09/2026 18:37

LoveWine123 · 20/09/2026 17:45

I would be asking myself why my standards are so low…

Why would she ask that? This has only just happened and it's the first time he's stayed out all night.

Macinae · 20/09/2026 18:30

At a mates house but couldn't charge his phone? I don't buy it. You don't sound anywhere near annoyed enough, OP. Seriously, raise the bar.

Waytoohothot · 20/09/2026 18:29

It sounds like hes been on cocaine and up and awake and on it

Bayou2000 · 20/09/2026 18:27

No respect. It’s not going to get better. Take it from someone who knows.

disturbia · 20/09/2026 18:25

LunarViper · 20/09/2026 16:11

I’ve got 3 kids with my bf, ds is 5, dd is 2 and youngest ds is 8 months. We live together, not married or anything. He works and I’m at home with the kids. Yesterday he went football with his mates at 12.30 and obvs I knew he’d be drinking because thats what they do when they go football.

He came home later on in the afternoon and he’d clearly had a fair bit already. I thought he’d just stay in then tbh but he went back out again later on. I was a bit annoyed because he’d already been out all day really but I didnt tell him he couldnt go or anything. He said he was just going out for a bit and I thought fine whatever, I had the kids anyway.

I last heard from him about 10pm. After that nothing. I messaged him a couple of times and rang once then again later but nothing. At first I wasnt that bothered, I thought he’s probably on the piss and cant hear his phone or something and I didnt want to be that girlfriend constantly asking where he was. But then it got later and later and I still hadnt heard anything.

I had the baby waking up and the other two were up and down as well and I kept checking my phone thinking surely he’ll have messaged by now. I was getting more annoyed every hour really. Its not even like I needed him home to help at that exact moment, I just thought when you’ve got 3 kids at home you would maybe let your partner know you’re ok. I started getting worried as well which made me even more pissed off.

He finally messaged after 12 today saying he was coming home. He got in and he was still absolutely pissed. Not just a bit hungover, proper drunk still and looking like he’d been on the piss all night. We had a little row because I was asking where he’d been and why he couldnt answer his phone and he was basically saying he was fine and I was making a thing of it.

Then he just went upstairs and went to bed. So now I’m downstairs with the 3 kids while he’s asleep it just feels like he’s had a whole night and morning off and I’ve been doing everything. The baby is 8 months so obvs its not exactly like I can just switch off and go to bed either.

I dunno if I’m being dramatic because he is allowed to go out and have a drink and I dont mind him going football at all. I dont even mind him having a big night with his mates really, although going back out after he’d already been drinking did piss me off a bit. But not hearing from him from 10pm until after 12 the next day seems different to me. Maybe I’m being unreasonable but surely you can send one text saying you’re ok?

Its just doing my head in because if I’d gone out at 12.30 yesterday and stayed out all night, then come home still pissed at lunchtime and gone straight to bed, he’d be absolutely raging. I know that doesnt mean I’m right but thats how I’m looking at it. I dont want a relationship where he cant have a night out, I just dont think having kids means you disappear for 14 hours and dont answer anything. Am I being unreasonable for being this annoyed or would you be pissed off too?

Horrendous behaviour... he needs to grow up.....

MyManinCaracas · 20/09/2026 18:22

This is so sad to read in this day and age.

Pollqueen · 20/09/2026 18:19

Cheese55 · 20/09/2026 17:01

This is always such bad advice. I doubt she trusts him with the kids, especially without being able to check, and who wants to be away from an 8 month year old anyway?

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They're his kids ffs. Of course he can be trusted with them. She wouldn't be leaving them with some random stranger 🙄

Moveoverdarlin · 20/09/2026 18:19

You’re not being at all dramatic, you’re being a mug.

Stormyrose · 20/09/2026 18:17

How old are you both? Is he really young?

PetulaGordeno · 20/09/2026 18:15

Once he went out again there was no point in contacting him as he was at the point of return.
Had there been some sort of emergency he would have been not contactable.
As for phones dying domestic homes are awash with all sorts of chargers.
I have been around these behaviours - no kids - and it was a waste of time trying to reason with him, especially when pissed. He knows that what he’s doing isn’t right but he’s doing it anyway.
I know it’s only once in terms of staying out but all of this is so unfair on you either way three little ones. You are in a vulnerable state but I would hope if you were my daughter that you would build a life without him.

NurseyNooo · 20/09/2026 18:14

I'd also be utterly fuming!! But more so at the lack of consideration for YOUR feelings...I dare say you'd started to worry? ie. Was he safe/had he had an accident etc...? The fact he was incognito all night with no contact...yep I'd be fucking fuming!!

Different if he'd messaged or rang and said Look I'm gonna crash at Dave's at can't get a cab...but the no contact is so selfish.

I'd be having a serious chat about how selfish and inconsiderate he is and that it's not behaviour you're willing to put up with, so he needs to change/drink less.

Is it possible theres drugs involved?

WimbyAce · 20/09/2026 18:13

I mean surely you don't even need to ask if you are being unreasonable? 😖

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 20/09/2026 18:09

You’re not being unreasonable at all. In fact you seemed pretty chill after the first lot of drinking which other people would be pissed off about. Hopefully this is a one off.

Original poster
LunarViper · 20/09/2026 18:08

he does drink when he goes football tbf but normally he comes home after the match and hes not ever drunk or anything, just had a few. he doesnt normally stay out all night either this is the first time hes ever done this

when I asked him where he’d been he just said at a mates and his phone had died. I asked a bit more but he was still pissed and then just went to bed so I havent really got anything else out of him yet. I dunno if thats actually the full story or not but thats all he’s said atm

OP posts:
Hatty65 · 20/09/2026 18:05

I'd be telling him that I'd organised next weekend away with my Mum, sister, or best mate and that he'd got the kids.

If he's got a problem with that I'd be asking him how come he got to disappear this weekend and leave it all to me.

daysofpearlyspencer · 20/09/2026 18:04

somanychristmaslights · 20/09/2026 17:33

Does he do this often or is this a complete one off? I think the answer to that is important to how I’d act going forward.

Going forward he will do it again and again, because he can. Op has no agency in this relationship.

WhitePudding · 20/09/2026 18:03

He sounds about 18.

I wouldn’t put up with this. You need to have a serious conversation with him when he’s in a fit state.

Dweetfidilove · 20/09/2026 17:59

FannybygaslightinGovan · 20/09/2026 17:14

Well it's a bit late for that stupid fucking question! I'm pretty sure OP didn't have a crystal ball 🙄

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Yesterday he went football with his mates at 12.30 and obvs I knew he’d be drinking because thats what they do when they go football.

The question is indeed a pertinent one, as the OP may still be fertile and having sex with this loser.

Her post suggests the behaviour isn't new, so the question may help her think about having baby #4... I'd encourage her to seek support before they add anymore children to this dysfunction.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 20/09/2026 17:56

Lifeomars · 20/09/2026 17:27

The children are here , what use is your question? do you think she can turn them back into eggs and magic then back into her ovaries? Just for context I had a child with a man who turned out to be an utter waste of space but he did not show a single hint of this during the years we were together before our child was born.

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You had one. Presumably there was a good reason why there wasn't a second.

Happyjoe · 20/09/2026 17:50

He's being selfish, inconsiderate and unkind to you. Hopefully he has the worst hangover when he wakes up. And then perhaps have a chat about this going forward... coz its bang out of order. You know it, he knows it, don't settle for anything other than an apology and without a promise not to do it again until his youngest graduates...