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Original poster

Am I reading into this or is it a red flag?

51 replies

Hhhhjj · 20/09/2026 15:52

I have had horrendous experiences with men in the past. I must have very bad judgement! So now I’m on high alert.

I have had a few dates with someone new. We’ve also been talking for around 3 weeks before we met. For context I’m a single parent with a young child and I’m late 30s, this man is mid 40s.

He is a bit different to people I have been involved with before. I usually go for professionals, workaholics…. All of that stuff. DD’s dad is in a v high paying role but is immersed in it and our relationship was not a priority. This man is very artistic and writes and sells books. I am giving this context as I think it might be relevant to his comment.

We were chatting on WhatsApp and we were talking about his nephew starting school. He then said he had a ‘really nice gift of being able to inspire lots of people.’ I asked in what way and he said when he had been teaching English, he got young people to enjoy poetry etc. He seemed oblivious to how arrogant this sounded. A few days later he said someone people had been into his book shop and he had inspired their son to choose a poem topic and help him write it. I thought this was quite nice but still felt a bit funny about the previous comment inspiring lots of people.

Am I reading into this? I feel like I’ve been stung by men before and frankly I cannot be bothered to even give someone the benefit of the doubt these days. He is very polite and keeps in contact and seems straightforward in general.

would you be bothered by this?

OP posts:
OfficerChurlish · 20/09/2026 18:34

I think he's using the word "inspired" in a loose way, not necessarily meaning that HE is especially awesome and is acting as some kind of supernatural muse, but just that he has successfully encouraged some young people to become interested in poetry. In the last case it sounds like the visitor to the bookshop had to pick a poem and your friend helped him find one he especially liked, but that's OK. It's interesting that he's described this as "a gift" (I assume he means a natural talent, rather than a "gift" to him in terms of satisfaction and fulfilment from his work, unless he's using American English) rather than an opportunity or an ability. Maybe he is an especially talented teacher, or maybe he just cares a bit and was in the right place at the right time. Does his language otherwise seem normal to you or kind of florid / overdone?

If this is the only possible "red flag" you've seen, and you otherwise enjoy his company, I wouldn't break it off just for that.

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 20/09/2026 18:58

Sidebeforeself · 20/09/2026 18:20

“Im a good footballer. I scored the most goals for my team last year and I was told I could have played professionally”

”I run my own business. We’ve just won a really big contract and its meant I can take on more staff”

Providing these comments are facts, aren’t they just describing someone’s achievements. Why is your blokes comment any different?

Precisely this. Also, don't most people who go into education do it to inspire kids in some way? Confused

I really, really don't see the issue here, but I also find that English people can be a bit weird about people who are vocal about their achievements and skills.

Thepeopleversuswork · 20/09/2026 19:04

I’m also struggling to see what’s arrogant or a red flag about this.

Its no different from someone saying they are a good journalist/airline pilot/salesman. If he goes on about it all the time then maybe but on the face of it he’s just showing a bit of professional pride.

Not seeing the problem here.

UniquePinkSwan · 20/09/2026 19:24

Let the man go. He deserves better.

Original poster
Hhhhjj · 20/09/2026 19:38

ColdAsAWitches · 20/09/2026 16:40

If you consider this to be a red flag, you're going to have a very difficult time ahead!

@ColdAsAWitches 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
Hhhhjj · 20/09/2026 19:38

He’s not a teacher this was a voluntary post he had years ago

OP posts:
OriginalSkang · 20/09/2026 19:42

I would find it pretty cringe. I don't think I'd write it off yet though

Bringemout · 20/09/2026 19:42

Yeah I’d roll my eyes a bit at this, inspired sounds a bit self regarding to me. You could just overlook it as a personality quirk but if I had to deal with a lot of claims of inspiring people I think it would turn me off. It’s not a red flag as such more of a “this person may really annoy you in the long run” flag.

OriginalSkang · 20/09/2026 19:45

UniquePinkSwan · 20/09/2026 19:24

Let the man go. He deserves better.

What a bizarre take

JustWalnut · 20/09/2026 19:46

That seems a perfectly normal and actually quite nice thing for a teacher to say.

Original poster
Hhhhjj · 20/09/2026 19:48

He’s not a teacher

OP posts:
missmollygreen · 20/09/2026 19:53

Hhhhjj · 20/09/2026 15:59

Well the phrase was ‘I have a nice gift of inspiring lots of people’.

Not sure he just meant children. Just thought it was a bit of a strange thing to say

You are the red flag op. Leave this guy now, because you will obviously be over analysing everything he says looking for flaws.

Wingingit73 · 20/09/2026 19:57

Sounds like he's a bit superior. Get rid .

watchingthishtread · 20/09/2026 19:57

Now you're just looking for problems.

Gemilo · 20/09/2026 19:59

He sounds a bit of a knob. Not sure you would call it a red flag though.

Clearingthedecks · 20/09/2026 20:01

Sounds like he's up his own arse, "I've got a gift for inspiring people!" WTF!

OriginalSkang · 20/09/2026 20:04

He could have said that he really enjoyed the work and felt like he was really inspiring people

FaceIt · 20/09/2026 20:06

A bit up himself.

I wouldn’t write him off though.

If he isn’t a high earner (which he probably isn’t), would that bother you?

nofacenonamenonumber · 20/09/2026 20:12

If you look for red flags you'll find them.
If you look for good qualities you'll find them.

Everyone is trying to find the right person, nobody is trying to be the right person

NotMajorTom · 20/09/2026 20:16

Op is virtually buying the fabric and making the red flags herself, and backed up by some on here

onky on Mumsnet could someone who volunteered and found it inspiring be called stuck up and an arse.

OriginalSkang · 20/09/2026 20:17

NotMajorTom · 20/09/2026 20:16

Op is virtually buying the fabric and making the red flags herself, and backed up by some on here

onky on Mumsnet could someone who volunteered and found it inspiring be called stuck up and an arse.

Well that isn't what he said though, is it.

User454545454546565 · 20/09/2026 21:14

Are his books in fact crap, is that what you mean, OP?

Sartre · 20/09/2026 21:20

Hhhhjj · 20/09/2026 15:59

Well the phrase was ‘I have a nice gift of inspiring lots of people’.

Not sure he just meant children. Just thought it was a bit of a strange thing to say

How on earth have you managed to read anything into that remark at all? He’s basically saying he’s a good teacher and has inspired some students to start reading and enjoying poetry in the past. Nothing wrong with that at all.

NovemberMorn · 21/09/2026 12:12

Sartre · 20/09/2026 21:20

How on earth have you managed to read anything into that remark at all? He’s basically saying he’s a good teacher and has inspired some students to start reading and enjoying poetry in the past. Nothing wrong with that at all.

Show quote history

Apart from the fact it's been mentioned numerous times...
HE IS NOT A TEACHER. 🙄

MagicUser1 · 21/09/2026 12:18

Mmmn, I don't think this is a red flag as such. DH is a musician and singer and has many many friends in the arts as a result. They can tend to be a bit ... pompous (for want of a better word?) and they ALL think they're inches away from becoming the next JO Rowling/ Robbie Williams/ Tom Cruise etc.

So a certain amount of eye rolling can be a thing if you're not that way inclined.