AIBU to question sunflower lanyards for adults at airports?

I managed to”before” because I hadn’t been violently raped ….

YABU to ask how people managed ‘before’. Well, think of it like mobile phones: we all managed by depending on landlines. However, now that mobile phones are around, they make life much easier, and are even vital in certain emergency situations.

Yes. A lanyard just tells people you have a disability. It doesn't actually mean you're entitled to or in fact will actually get any additional help.

Posting this for disabled people:

airport assistance are bloody lovely. They are genuinely nice and really do want to help people.

as you can tell from the rest of the thread, everyone else in the airport thinks that there are so many people wearing lanyards that they aren’t going to help you.

so:

some airlines will do the airport assistance process with you when you book, others you need to ring them or fill in a form online. Please do do this - assistance are great and will help you travel.

assistance do prefer to know in advance if you need any help but if it isn’t possible to tell them (or your airline forgot to pass the info on (looking at you SwissAir) they will get you sorted anyway.

there are several types and levels of assistance you can book.

the highest level is someone to get you through the airport, an ambilift up to the plane and if you cannot walk at all there’s aisle wheelchairs to get you to your seat.

you are also guaranteed a carry-on with equipment you need on the flight (meds, etc).

if you have a wheelchair of your own and you want to take it, be aware you will need to know lots of details about it - height, width, depth. If it’s electric they’re going to want to know about the batteries as well.

if you are disabled in a non mobility way (eg blind or deaf) they can also put someone with you to guide you through the airport and make sure you get to the right gate.

it can be a bit overwhelming the first time you do it but most airports operate in similar ways and you do get used to it.

but given this thread, if assistance give you a sunflower lanyard to wear, put it in your pocket and don’t show it to anyone because apparently the general public will treat you with less understanding and kindness. Or so the people on this thread are saying.

I don’t wear a sunflower lanyard, but I do have adrenal insufficiency. It means in stressful/hot/tiring situations I can get low cortisol, which can make me wobbly, start slurring words, go a bit funny, possibly pass out. Like a diabetic hypo, you can die from it if not treated promptly with an emergency injection.

Now I do wear a medical alert bracelet and I don’t leave the house without my emergency injection kit and information I can hand to a stranger if I start going downhill to explain what’s happening to me.

I personally am pretty good at knowing when things are suddenly about to go pear shaped. But not everyone is. In an airport, someone acting a bit woozy and wobbly is going to come across as seeming drunk. I can see how someone travelling alone who can’t manage themselves as well as I can might wear one. You would never see my medical alert bracelet unless you were looking for it unless I’m wearing a short sleeved shirt.

I absolutely do think there are people who need to pluck up and be a bit more resilient. There are definitely people who want special treatment because they are a bit lazy and pathetic. But there are also a whole lot of invisible disabilities. I have incurable cancer, a bowel condition and adrenal insufficiency. I’m a ticking time bomb in an airport. To look at me, you’d not think I was anything other than a healthy middle aged professional woman on a work trip. Until I got sick, I didn’t appreciate how much you could carry on as pretty much normal, until suddenly you couldn’t. So I do give people some grace, most of the time.

I have one that I only use when I travel. I have a medical condition. During covid I had to use it as I couldn't wear a mask a majority of the time (I tried as much as I could). When travelling I find that people at airports get far too close to each other and that panics me as airports are huge germ breeders so my lanyard gives me extra space and people are more considerate.

I do genuinely feel like I live in a bubble right now. I cant remember the last time I saw someone wearing a lanyard around and about and my most recent airport experience I only saw a handful amongst hundreds and hundres of people and they didnt seem to be getting anything extra.

(Im not including people who booked assistance)

Are they really that popular. Do I just not go to the right sort of places.

You make some very obvious points. I’m not sure what the solution is. I don’t disagree with the concept. I am questioning the abuse of the concept.

What a dreadful experience for your daughter.

We had similar one time - we had our train travel all arranged, but there was a problem with a tunnel on the return journey. (We'd been at a funeral.)

I was using crutches following a foot operation, but was in better shape than my husband. It was very difficult for me to find someone who would listen to us and at one point, my husband lost his temper - no swearing, or the like, but raised his voice in exasperation when a station manager told us to cross a bridge to another platform - there were umpteen steps to negotiate and he had the temerity to say something along the lines of "Just how do you expect us to get up there?"

We should have been travelling through that station by train, but had been forced to get off as an earlier station and then had to try to get onto coaches where the elderly and disabled were being pushed out of the way by backpackers. At the earlier station, I'd had to hunt for a member of staff to explain what was happening and he had actually directed one of the coaches to where we were standing with a lot of other older passengers.

We'd all been dropped off but were then left to find our own way to the correct platform for an unknown train in an unknown station.

DH was recovering from open-heart surgery and finished up unbuttoning his shirt to prove why he couldn't manage all the stairs. The station manager actually berated my husband for his 'attitude' in spite of my very obvious crutches and surgical footwear and DH's zipper scar.

In the end, some kind of vehicle was used to get us to the correct platform.

How do you suggest somebody spots from afar that the non descript woman in the crowd is probably going to need a bit more help because she's deaf?

How do you know when you look at me whether I’m someone who genuinely needs a lanyard or not?

People are allowed to go on holiday just because they have a disability. What relevance is you not flying? And actually we are paying for a service including whatever cost has been factored in to cover the airport plus help if they need it.

People have restrictions for all sorts of reasons, financial is a big one. I don't do things I can't afford either.

I'm kind day to day in my interactions, I'd never be anything but caring to someone who needed help. But when the number of people with 'needs' is increasing exponentially, I'm somewhat skeptical all the accommodations are required that people insist they have.

So YOU think they're abused, but that's just your theory. Given how many people have voted YANBU, demonstrating strong prejudice against disabled people, what on earth makes you think anyone would choose to wear a lanyard if they didn't have to?

I think you are assuming the Sunflower lanyard brings more benefits than it actually does.

‘Want’ being the word I used. Not forced. You do what you want to do but you don’t have any right to vet what other people want to do.

My 15yr son recently flew out of Heathrow and in to Canada.

He has adhd and autism, he was going to stay with family. After getting through security and having something to eat, he asked someone for help to find his gate with his layard on. That person not only took him to the gate but they made British Airways staff aware of him being there and he was put on the fully assisted boarders list.

As a family we are so grateful for the help he had help from Heathrow staff, and how inviting the accessibility desk was when we went to speak to them. We can't talk to about everyone but we really valued the service.

Probably the same type of idiots who park in Blue Badge spaces without needing to. Fortunately, these selfish people who lack any sense of morality or kindness are very much in the minority in my experience. Although since my teen became blind at age 11, I have very much become a tiger mother who asks people if they don’t have any disabilities to please move out of easy access seating etc.

You don't know who is genuine or not by looking at them with a lanyard on.

The idea of helping disabled people is to make it possible to access things that normal healthy people can access. Making it onto a walk in the park is not what helping disabled
people is about, it is about making it possible to do the things that non-disabled people do. That’s all.

You sound envious. If it were possible, i would swap my invisible illnesses with you any time you like and get no help in the airport.

The general public has the square root of fuck all understanding and kindness for disabled people.

i became disabled following an accident and fuck me it was mind blowing the difference in treatment when you are in a wheelchair.

there’s the odd lovely person out there but it really is the odd person.

I went to Marrakesh for a week’s holiday (with a sunflower lanyward, natch) and the people there were genuinely so helpful. I had more help in a week there than I do in two years in the uk.

But that should be a personal choice & not a restriction placed on people due to their disability.

I don't use buses & have never missed out on anything as a result. That doesn't mean we can do away with wheelchair spaces or ramps on buses because it's possible to survive without using them.

How do you decide whether someone has a genuine need though from looking at them? If you saw my DD at parts of her journey you’d think she had no additional needs, if you saw her at other points you’d be very clear she has quite complex needs.

The point is her disabilities are hidden, but become very apparent in certain circumstances and she needs support. That need doesn’t change based on whether some random onlooker decides how genuine they think she is.

You can buy almost any kind of lanyard on Amazon.

Here’s the visually impaired one:
https://amzn.eu/d/0aO22NCK

here’s the deaf one:
https://amzn.eu/d/04QBBFAm

i have one with cards I can give people when I’m non verbal.

https://amzn.eu/d/00AwfEE6

seriotsly, what’s the problem with this stuff being available on Amazon? It’s really really useful to a whole raft of disabled people

I don’t wear one because I don’t want to be lumped in with all the twats that don’t need them but fancy queue jumping.