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AIBU?

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Original poster

To steal some of my own time back

17 replies

caffelattetogo · 20/09/2026 14:47

On days out, holidays etc I usually drive. In busy places I drop DH and kids or my DM and kids at wherever they want to go, then find somewhere to park, before joining them.
Is it terrible that I then take 5-10 minutes to check my messages, finish my drink (usually bring a coffee from home in a thermal mug) and relax before I join them?
I don’t admit to this, and if questioned I say it took longer to find a space… hmm I should just be honest, shouldn’t I?

OP posts:
NameChangeScot · 20/09/2026 15:10

Yanbu! But would you family be hurt if they knew this?

I remember taking longer to to everyday tasks when my children were little, like rushing the supermarket shop but then stopping for a Costa! Or leaving work early to take an hour for myself and not tell anyone. I don't know why I didn't just tell dp that's what I was doing because he'd be okay with it. I guess I just felt guilty for not rushing back to my family and relieving him from parenting duties. Those little gasps of time kept me sane tbh!

Original poster
caffelattetogo · 20/09/2026 18:32

I think I know the answer - I don’t want to admit to it, so it probably is bad behaviour.

OP posts:
Error404FucksNotFound · 20/09/2026 18:33

Its not bad behaviour.
Theres nothing wrong with taking a few minutes.

CrazyMidget · 20/09/2026 18:34

Good Lord, it’s hardly crime of the century, is it?

Menopants · 20/09/2026 18:36

Men sit on the loo for hours , take longer and enjoy your coffee

theturtleswims · 20/09/2026 18:42

I'd go to the supermarket and sit and read for half an hour before going in. Or go to pick up something non perishable and stop at the park for 20 minutes on the way back. It's self care. Before I started doing this I felt my only downtime was in the shower! And I was getting more and more stressed. You need to look after yourself so that you can then look after your family. And you're only taking 5 or 10 minutes. Don't worry about it. And maybe start taking more, and enjoy it.

Original poster
caffelattetogo · 20/09/2026 18:43

I think the issue is never getting time to myself (I’m either working or looking after kids or otherwise scheduled for so much of the time) that an elicit 10 minutes feels so good…

OP posts:
glittermittens · 20/09/2026 18:45

caffelattetogo · 20/09/2026 18:32

I think I know the answer - I don’t want to admit to it, so it probably is bad behaviour.

It’s not bad behaviour at all! It’s called looking after yourself, and making sure you have quiet moments for your own mental health. This is what everyone should do.

Raindropskeepfallingon · 20/09/2026 18:45

Depends.

If you’re leaving your partner juggling toddler triplets and a crying newborn at the edge of a beach and you’d be mad at him for doing the same thing then you’re unreasonable.

If you’ve driven for ages while he’s snoozed listening to an audiobook and then dropped him off with an eight and a ten year old and you’d be ok if the situation was reversed then it’s no big deal.

Eitger way I think you and your partner should both aim to carve out proper and acknowledged time for yourself not snatched ten minutes in car parks. Don’t be a martyr.

NatashaSparaks · 20/09/2026 18:52

5 minutes is nothing to feel guilty about.

I spent 30 in a home bargains car park reading my kindle this morning. Living my best life.

Happycow · 20/09/2026 18:54

Ive done this too. One night, whole the kids were with their dad (my XDP), I went to a hotel for the night. Didnt need to, but just LOVED being somewhere and no-one else had a clue where I was. Felt totally free for the first time in 8 years. Sad really.

i say take all the 'secret time' you want!

ThatCyanCat · 20/09/2026 18:57

During lockdown I used to tell my family I was going to do the big shop, then go and sit in the car park for 1.5-2 hours with my Kindle and a flask of tea while I waited for my click and collect slot.

Cuppachuchu · 20/09/2026 18:59

If it improves your life and makes you happy you should continue, guilt free.

Think of them as your wellbeing "time pockets". As a PP said, men have theirs sitting on the loo. 😏

Goatsarebest · 20/09/2026 18:59

It makes you more relaxed doing this so when you get back to them you are in a better frame of mind and everyone benefits. Maybe work on the guilt thing about have 10 minutes to yourself though. It's perfectly fine to do this and should be encourage for all mothers, IMO.

Morepositivemum · 20/09/2026 19:01

I Ii sit in the car listening to the radio for five minutes when I get home from work. Dh sits in the car on the phone when he gets in. I think most people need time to adjust!

Rachelshair · 20/09/2026 19:02

Let them go without you and have a whole morning/ day to yourself, not just a sneaky 5 minutes feeling guilty, that's ridiculous. You deserve some peace.

Cuppachuchu · 20/09/2026 19:03

In fact, I'd keep a little stash of kitkats in the car to go with my coffee.

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