Another wills one…

But the one left could change their will ? Eg if you died first and left your half of the house to your husband on the understanding he’d leave it all to your kids , he could change his will after you’ve gone ?

This is something to bear in mind. I took advice on precisely this problem and this is where I got stuck.

My Aunt and Uncle had mirror wills (no kids). She wasnt even buried before he changed his will to leave it all to his side of the family, rather than the 50:50 split they had both agreed to.

Fair enough. I was replying to what you said about it depending on size of estate

I still got probate for DH because one small investment insisted, and you can still do iteven when it's not technically required, if you want to, but small estates don't always need it, which is why some wills are not available (and of course some people don't have a will).

Well my dad was exactly that. The house went straight to my stepmum as it was in joint tenants. Rest of the" assets" were under15k

It depends on the size of the estate. The distribution of the estate will only be on line if probate was granted. For a married man (person) with a surviving spouse, estates can be surprisingly small.

DH was very comfortably off but his 'estate' was tiny. Joint accounts don't form part of the probate, neither do pensions or properties owned jointly.

Oh must have changed befote my dad died in 2019

@graygoosethank you that makes sense x

I think this is really difficult, especially if you're talking about the possibility of you dying young.

My DH died when we'd been married 29 years, and children were in their late teens. He left everything to me, with I'm sure the expectations
that I'll pass it onto DC, but he could have left his half to DC directly, with presumably the right for me to stay in the house.

In that case I could have maybe 30, 40 (?) years of living in a house half owned by my DC. Is that arrangement good for anyone? I feel it's not my house, DC can't get hold of their money. Obviously that's no different if the wills just say they have to wait for me to die, but I imagine it would feel different.

As it stands, I have put the life insurance money I received by for DC and they will have that when they want to buy a house, but in terms of the joint assets I built with DH, afaic, they are mine. I don't see a share as belonging to DH and therefore to be dealt with in line with his wishes. Life goes on and I have to be able to live it and I'll use the money built up during my marriage to do that.

I have no plans to remarry and yes, a large part of that is to protect "my" assets for DC, but life does move on. If I did build a life with another man, it's possible I could be with him just as long, or longer than I was with DH. If we've pooled our assets in life, why wouldn't I provide for him in my will? Not to the excluding of DC, but it would be right to leave him something.

I understand your concerns but if you leave half your house to DC, I think you're asking DH to live the rest of his life with one hand tied behind his back.

Sorry OP but I think you’re weird! DW and I have mirror wills where the other inherits the lot and I trust DW absolutely to look after our children in every way in the event of my death! And vice Versa.

I wonder where is best to get advice about this sort of thing in Scotland, I think the laws are different here?

This sounds sensible

I think some posters are being a little simplistic.

What happens if the remaining spouse needs to downsize? Or if they become estranged from the DC?

Also, it’s all well and good saying you don’t want your half used to fund care home fees, but have you actually seen what a council funded place gets you? Where I live these places are dire. I’d actually want the money used to pay for somewhere nice.

This doesn’t sort the problem. You have still left everything your husband. He can then change his will. I don’t understand why people think mirror wills alone help. They aren’t static documents

I have done exactly what you propose. My husband will have a life interest in my half of the house.

In practice as he is 10 years older than I am it’s unlikely to be an issue, but my main concern is protecting the children.

This is nearly right.

Yes, you can leave assets to a spouse free of IHT.
Yes, you can transfer your tax free IHT allowance to a spouse.
But, you can also use it now. And, given that assets tend to appreciate in value faster than the tax free allowance goes up, it makes sense to leave assets up to the value of the tax free allowance to your children when you die and the rest to a spouse. This assumes that the spouse would be left with enough to live on if you leave assets direct to your children.

We currently have an issue in my family involving mirror wills where struggling young adult children will get nothing from either parents’ estates because a step parent manipulated a surviving parent when they were vulnerable and inherited the lot, then changed their will to leave it all to their children from a previous marriage.

I trust my DH completely, but I do not trust anyone who might see an opportunity when he is elderly and vulnerable. I am absolutely leaving a proportion of my assets directly to my children.

People change their minds.
After my mother died, my father was bereft. Through his tears he said he would never remarry. Mum died intestate and the rules where we lived meant I inherited half her estate, which my father had me pass to him on the basis he would leave it to me on his death.
Within a year he was engaged, married soon after. He left his second wife everything. She'll be leaving it to her godson.

I trust my husband right now

I wouldn’t trust anyone my husband remarried to

my willgive my husband to live in my house ( lifetime interest trust )

most of my money is going to my son

@Dontasksillyquestions my dh was similarly put out when I raised the same issue with him. We had several interesting (and occasionally heated) discussions.

However, he changed his mind when his Mum died. She'd often said that all she wanted was for her children to have some of her money. But that's not what her will said. She and dh's step dad had mirror wills leaving their estate to each other, and then subsequently to dh and his siblings (MIL and step FIL had been together for 20 years, he had no previous dc).

When MIL died, dh's stepdad duly inherited, his dementia worsened and he quickly moved into a care home. Physically very healthy and could live for years. He's already been there for 4 years. There is almost no money left, possibly enough for another 15 months, then it will all be gone.

We are now tenants in common and have a life interest trust (as described above), so if we were in a similar situation to MIL and FIL, at least there would be some inheritance, eventually, for our dc.

I did, some years after. No will online.

I think you can check online. My brother did to have a nose at my dad's will

It's not about not trusting your husband, it's about future proofing against various scenarios. We might imagine that the first thing our husband would do on remarrying is update his will, but he probably won't. He might trust his wife just the way we trusted him. Something terrible might happen, or he may just change his priorities. So many men remarry really quickly after their wives die. Does that suggest that their top priority is their kids? For so many their new priority is their new wife. I am good within my marriage and family for everything to be 'ours'. Outside of that, I am not okay with anything I worked hard for to be inherited by anyone other than my family.

I actually raised this with my DH yesterday and said the same as you OP, I trust him but not his future partner/wife if I die first. I am going to see a solicitor and set up mirror wills alongside a life interest Trust for my half to go to my children (he doesn't have any but we have been together over 20 years). I am aware local authorities can overturn these trusts if they think they are done to avoid care home fees bit surely in blended families, that is not the case, I just don't want my children cut out.

OP, you are quite right to want to fool proof your will, and here's why: My auntie and uncle were married for over fifty years. She died suddenly and in a very short space of time my uncle had taken up with a local dog walker. He then got cancer and died within three years. In the meantime, he'd changed his will and left nothing to his children and everything to the dog walker. What a betrayal to my auntie's memory and the children.
I have no idea if my cousins contested the will as we lost touch, but I really hope they did.

Not stupid at all! Basically it doesn’t avoid care home fees, local authorities essential disregard arrangements that are a deliberate deprivation of assets. Also shoving your property into a trust while you continue to live in it rent free doesn’t alienate you from the property enough for tax purposes. I could go on, there are myriad reasons this doesn’t work and imo these schemes are predatory and only make the “advisors” who peddle them fat fees whilst leaving the clients and their families in a complete mess.