Considering a holiday with a group half my age, where most are strangers.

You say that not one single one of your contemporaries friends want to go with you @Whathappend … have they given a reason?

You have kids @Whathappend ? How old?

After DH died I made a vow to say yes to every invite, even those I might not love.

Life changing, and this is exactly the kind of trip I went on. I wouldn't be keen on a fortnight's holiday, but a few days will be great. My mantra was what's the worst that can happen? If you're not on a budget, you can always fly home early or book a different hotel if it's that bad. But it won't be.

I'm really surprised how negative people are being. Life is so much better when you say yes.

I once went to a foreign city and ran a marathon because a man I barely knew asked if anyone fancied it, over coffee at parkrun. I ended up having a brilliant weekend with him and two of his friends.

Cookery classes are fantastic! I love learning how to cook a new cuisine or dish and you’re completely immersed in it for half a day or a full day so it’s a great way to switch off from everything else. If you go as a solo, they’ll usually pair you up with another solo, although most people do it as a pair. So it’s a great thing to do with a friend.

Admittedly, I always hated clubbing, even when I was young. But if over 50s really want to do it, I think they should do it in a group of their own age, not tagging along with youngsters, that’s the bit I find cringe. I don’t judge anyone hitting the dance floor at a wedding, etc, that’s a totally different scenario.

@Mermaidmusing That is fantasic! I would love to do cookery classes! Googling now for ones near me!

I think because you said yourself you 'hated clubbing' even at 19/20? Is that why you find it 'cringe' possibly?

I still 10000% think @Whathappend should go raving in ibiza whether the invite stands or not and dance like noone is watching (or judging)😊

@Whathappend “Ah. You're not enjoying being called out for being judgemental.”

Wrong. I said myself that I DO judge it! I don’t give a damn about being called judgemental. Everyone is judgemental about certain things.

You’re clearly sore because you want to believe a bunch of 25 year old girls want a woman who’s old enough to be their mother (probably older than some of their mothers), to go on a clubbing holiday with them. You know in your heart it was a spur of the moment thing, and not a genuine invitation.

It's not an all or nothing choice. You could book yourself into a decent hotel for a few days and go out with them clubbing once or twice while your there.

Pub quizzes, spas, metal detecting, etc, are perfectly fine for friends of mixed ages. The only thing I find it cringey for middle-aged people to do with MUCH younger people is getting pissed and clubbing. It just smacks of desperation.

I’m a teacher, so I actually do have friends from their late 20s up to about 60 (I’m mid 50s). With a mixed age group, I have gone out bowling, axe throwing, playing darts, etc, and occasionally the younger ones decide to head off to a club around 11pm but I wouldn’t dream of joining. TBH, I hated clubbing even when I was a student of 19/20!

With friends my own age, I regularly go to the theatre, a nice meal out, a long country walk, or an activity like a half-day cookery course to learn Thai/Chinese cookery, etc. Have also been to horse racing and other sporting activities. Or a weekend away somewhere. I’m also in a walking group and do some volunteering, and both are almost entirely with middle-aged and older people.

@Mermaidmusing Out of curiosity what do you do with people your own age bracket? Im in my 30's and have friends in thier 60's I go to pub quiz with. I have friends in their 20's I go to spa with. I have friends who I do metal detectors and litter picking with off all ages. I have a mother in her 80's and all her friends are a great laugh and have so much wisdom! And all love a Jack Daniel and blast the music! What is your fun?

@Whathappend Go! On your own if the 'drunken invite' doesn't stand? (Dont threaten me with a good time!) Ive been many times, you will have a blast! People of all ages are out rocking, raving and misbehaving! We only live once!😈

I’m in my 50s and I’m certainly not out clubbing, for the reasons I’ve already stated. But I do see hen parties out & about of a weekend evening, who are obviously out clubbing with Mums, aunts, nana in tow, and it’s cringey. Yes, I do judge, as we all do about certain things.

You seem desperate to convince yourself that this drunken ‘invitation’ was genuine, and that it’s fine to be out drinking and dancing with people half your age, but I think it’s embarrassing. A meal, a show or an activity with them, fine, but clubbing and getting pissed with them, no. As a matter of interest, what social activities do you do with people your own age?

This Op

@Whathappend have any of the group followed up the invite ?

LOL - have you actually been to Ibiza recently? My 50-something cousin and her DH went over the summer. Fatboy Slim was playing and the clubs were full of middle aged people like them!

I say if the invite is genuine (ie reiterated) go for it OP. But get your own digs, you might want your own space.

I don’t really travel alone, I travel as a solo but in a group with a bunch of strangers, and have always had a great time.

I assure you I don’t lead a limited or sorry life, but thanks for patronising me. Clubbing in Ibiza is not for the over 50s, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with visiting Ibiza per se. But seeing middle-aged people out clubbing with 20-somethings is cringe. It just looks like an embarrassing hen party.

I see some 70 year olds out running in crop tops that look like they'd be happier on an Ibiza dance floor than some 20 year olds! I personally wouldn't have worn a crop to after 25, and wouldn't want to go, but the point is everyone should do what they want to do.

It wasn’t a genuine invitation, it was just a drunken suggestion in the heat of the moment while you were all excited! They won’t want you to go and you would be bonkers to seriously consider it. It’s a bit weird to even have a night out with a bunch of 25 year olds when you’re 50, but a holiday is a whole different level of awkward.

Best thing you can do is find a solos holiday to Ibiza for people your own age and do it that way, if you’re really desperate to go. But if I’m brutally honest, Ibiza isn’t for the middle-aged so you may just have to accept you’ve missed the boat. Plenty of other exciting places in the world to visit. I regularly do group tours abroad on my own and have always had a great time: Egypt, Vietnam, Thailand, Italy, etc

No OP I'm sorry I wouldn't.

I know different age groups can be friends. I know you get on with most people. The problem here is they are all the same age, in an established friendship circle and you are the outlier.

I can imagine my friends doing this when we were in our twenties and we would have meant it... In that moment. Then we would have forgotten all about it and honestly my middle aged self would not want to spend more than a few hours with my twenty something self. It's just such a different vibe.

Being on holiday together can show cracks in social circles, even really good friends. A group of total strangers can be much better as people are more on good behaviour. But you'd be the imposter in their circle.

My final point though is that I genuinely think your judgment is off. Your friend didn't invite you. Her friend did. Your friend hasn't followed up.

The only circumstances under which I'd consider this would be -
Friend contacted you directly reassuring you your presence would be highly appreciated.
You were added to a WhatsApp planning group and everyone was vocal they wanted you there
You were clear you'd be on a different time schedule.
You'd get separate accommodation.

The fact none of the above is happening makes me wonder if you're thinking straight.

Do join one of those Facebook groups and get your own holiday booked. Don't mention it again, I'd say your friend feels awkward and regretful.

So are you going or not op?! I’m quite invested now! 🎉🪩🏝️

You have absolutely no proof this is what happened. You're so determined to be a misery that you're inventing a narrative.

Bit cheeky if the friend of a friend to extend the invite without running it past anyone else first, not least @Whathappend ‘s actual friend!

It’s quite mean of you to say this seeing as on Mumsnet we know for sure that people drop out of these things all of the time, seemingly for no reason at all. This means the likelihood of people pulling out is very high anyway.

But you wouldn't be along you'd be with other single people? Who are obviously like minded single people who want a ibiza holiday.

You barely know the girls your thinking about going with.