To think my husband did not go too far and they should just get over it ?

I do think it is relevant as that is the background to the constant criticism of him - that he has equalled his wife in shared care of the baby since birth and that is in some way lessening of him as man.

I am not sure that it is true that the majority of men share care in this way.
It may be true that they would like to.

I do think think that both should have had some stock phrases to shut it down. OP, especially, should have supported him since it was her own family.

Indeed

Hardly role model behaviour. Sweating, personal insults and name calling, seriously?
Couldn’t he deal he not stop the conversation like an adult.

It's irrelevant about how much paternity leave he's taken in the past and is taking now. He's simply doing what the majority of fathers do these days, and looking after his baby along with you. Auntie and cousin sound old-fashioned and completely out of step, but his response was breathtakingly rude. Why on earth didn't he simply tell them that the child has two parents who care for him equally, instead of resorting to a childish insult?
He sounds bloody awful.

She was out of order going on, but that doesn't negate the fact your husband should apologise and mean it. Both of you know that.

He needs to learn to stand up for himself without resorting to childish personal insults about someone else appearance you'd expect to only hear in the playground. Is he usually this immature? I would be embarrassed by my dh if he said that.

Team DH , if your going to give it , you’ve got to learn to take it

@ForFancyNavyLion did you stick up for
him to your Aunt? I would have said ‘we both want to share the parenting - we neither of us want to miss out’ or ‘things have changed for the better in our view’. Of course he shouldn’t have mentioned weight, but that’s the only bit he should apologise for. They can apologise for giving him such a hard time - do they think he’s less of a man? They are out of order but I’d have shut them down if they wouldn’t give it a rest.

He should definitely apologise.
Something like “ I apologise for my inappropriate and rude response to your inappropriateness and rudeness. I am disappointed that I did not find a better way of stopping your bad behaviour and being a better example to my child of how to deal with nastiness in others”

I will say the only bit that would make me uncomfortable is my spouse swearing at my family member - I missed it was your aunt. But then I would have shut it down long before my husband felt the need to step in.

If he needs to apologise for his fatphobia they need to apologise for their sexism.

I’m team dh too. He did fine by me.

Agree. OP's DH was rude... But he was also goaded into it by incredibly rude behaviour.

Nah and 80yo isn’t going to change. So good for him for shutting them up.

I don't think your dh has anything to apologise for. At least not until he gets an apology first.

My dh didn't get anything like that level of paternity leave so he ended up being a sahp as I was the higher earner. That is as 20+ years ago and he never got any negative comments.

The biggest thing I can't understand here though is why after 4 years of it YOU didn't put your aunt firmly in her place well before now. I would absolutely have stood up for my DH if I had ever heard any of my family giving him grief.

Only if the aunt and her daughter apologise. It was childish tir for tat. But apologising without them also apologising would legitimise their awful behaviour.

I’m probs in the minority here, but I’m team husband.

If you don’t want somebody to be rude to you then don’t be rude first. Only give what you can take back.

Agree!

It's a poorly handled situation all round. I probably wouldn't apologise unless they also extended an apology about the sexism. I think they were more at fault than him for launching the tirade at him in the first place, but then you were in their home and you have to be polite as a visitor, and it was a very personal and unnecessary comment too. But all are guilty really.

Yes that would be fine. She gave it so she can take it back.

Your husband’s absolutely in the right. Yes her weight is irrelevant but when they go low sometimes it’s fine to go even lower.

I will never understand women criticising men for being involved parents.

What I don't understand is why you didn't step in before this and tell the nosy old biddy to mind her own business.

I am more sympathetic to your DH than to the awful relatives but I do think he could have handled it better. IMO he would have been perfectly within his rights to snap at her and tell her to back off without losing the moral high ground by making a personal comment.

Jesus men can't won cant they.

Say nothing and they are weak and pathetic, stand up for their wofe/partner and they are rude and people should have sympathy for the op.

@ForFancyNavyLion your dh owes her an apology for bringing her weight into it, but she asked for it so it wouldn't be a hill I would die on.

I love that your dh is ao actively involved and clearly very happy to stand up for his family unit. Good on that man!

She sounds insufferable and it's no wonder he snapped, but he's a grown adult and should have controlled himself. He sounds like a great dad/partner overall, but this wasn't an acceptable way to deal with the situation.

Well done your husband, bet that shut them up........

Are all personal remarks fair game, then? Is he “allowed” to come after her for other physical characteristics, or is fat the only permissible one? Would “mind your own dried-up cunt and saggy tits, you prune-faced old hag” have been all right?