To think my husband did not go too far and they should just get over it ?

The room may not have fallen silent because of the weight comment.
It may have because of the DH’s tone/swearing or because finally someone/he has put the aunt and her daughter in their places after years of handing out insults.

They need to apologise first as they started it

So don’t visit family incase they are rude to you? Interesting you put the onus on OP and her DH

I think you should have stepped in long ago - since they are your family members - and told your aunt and cousin that their extremist misogyny was unwelcome. You and your husband both should have opted out of visiting them long ago if they couldn't refrain from voicing their prejudices even after being asked. But I'd also wonder why your husband chose weight or size as a basis of insulting your cousin - it seems like there was plenty to criticise about her words and behaviour without resorting to that type of insult.

Nobody should apologise on demand; there's no point if the person apologising isn't sorry, and if they were sorry they would have already apologised. It's also a double standard if they are asking him to apologise for his apparent bigotry when they have not apologised for theirs. But I'm really not seeing the problem here - what's the negative consequence if he doesn't apologise? If it's that these family members stop speaking to you then that sounds like a desirable outcome.

It’s been going on for four years, and he’s snapped once. Personally, I think he’s shown remarkable restraint.
Sadly a lot of people can’t be reasoned with, and the only way to get through to them is a shot across the bows. It’s probably the first time in ages they’ve even given a 2nd thought to the impact that their voiced opinions have on those around them.

So what he snapped and mentioned her weight? Why do women (I’m one) expect to behave appallingly and get away with it? She needed telling and he was right, she should focus on herself not you and your husband.

Yes, that sounds right to me.

Because the miserable old cunt had just been talking about her weight it was the previous topic in their conversation.

From OPs posts, it seems a condensed version is

Stupid cunt: "I really need to watch my weight....oh, you shouldn't be parenting your own child"
DH: "Concentrate on your weight, not my parenting"

Yet everyone is calling him for fat shaming. Had she not been ranting about her weight, he probably wouldn't have had it in his head for the comeback.

Same here. I read this to my husband and we laughed. I wouldn’t personally have mentioned the aunt’s weight, but in the heat of the moment I may well have told her to mind her own fucking business

Both in the wrong, but honestly, Aunt shouldn't give it out if she can't take it.

I'm totally with the husband!

There's obviously a lot of history within that family - leading up to the recent fall-out. 😱

I prefer to judge by deeds, not words, and a man who involves himself so consistently in the care of his young children would be worth far more to me that someone polite to everyone, but not willing to lift a finger to help his wife with the children he fathered. Yes, it was an inappropriate comment, but their persistent criticism of his parenting and his marital role was far more inappropriate.

She was making rude and judgmental comments. He made rude and judgemental comments.

Oh...

Why have you repeatedly gone back for more if they are so awful and attacking you both like that?
What strange people, even stranger IMO to put up with this for years.

Good for him. The gobshite cousin has hopefully now learned a lesson

Elderly Aunts think the are entitled to share their opinion, others should take no notice.
husband should not have told her to F off and should apologise

They have been abusing him and ‘ranting’ at him for years with some really horrible misogynistic comments. Criticising him, his choices and his family. Making deeply personal comments about his ability to look after his family. Two of them at once, they’ve done it before. Finally, he snapped. What would you have done? Smiled sweetly?
These women have been abusive for years but one comment about how they are fat and you want nothing to do with this man who has taken a lot of abuse to look after his children.
You can have them I’ll be on TeamDH.

He said to your aunt she can call him fat if it it makes her feel better ? Gods sake. You are all so bloody immature.

They wouldn’t be getting an apology from me they were baiting him to lose his temper. They got what they wanted and deserved.

Nah, I'm with your DH on this one.

A very mild "mind your business" doesn't work with people like that, I'm not sure what alternate universe some posters are living in. It's not like she was making thinly veiled remarks that could have been misconstrued, and he just burst out with this out of the blue.

She was being misogynistic, and if there's one thing that annoys me more than your typical run of the mill male misogynist, it's women brimming with internalised misogyny. She dished it out and she got what was coming to her. If you can't take it, then don't give out to begin with. It bemuses me when people sit there chipping away at someone and then make themselves the poor, innocent victim when the person in question snaps.

He commented on something she'd already brought up, it's not like he called her fat out of nowhere. I don't blame him, I'd have done exactly the same if someone was harping on at me like that - and not for the first time either! What a miserable pair these women sound.

You reap what you sow. Maybe next time they'll think before they start a disdainful commentary on someone else's life.

Good for him!

I think you should tell him you're behind him all the way, and there is no way I'd ever go back to those relatives for more, or have them in my house.

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