To think my husband did not go too far and they should just get over it ?

I think it's sad that he lowered himself to a weight comment. "just because your dad/husband didn't love his kids, doesn't mean other men shouldn't" would have been much more on topic.

I think if someone was being critical and out of order can understand his response. Had he have made the comment out of the blue then it would have been totally unacceptable. If the aunt/cousin apologies then yes I think he should but otherwise no.

I think he did go too far and that personal insults are never appropriate. It was just a personal attack that had absolutely nothing to do with the conversation (and makes no sense in any case). He lost any moral high ground he had, and he should apologise for the insult.

At the same time, I think your relatives behaved badly as well. Their opinions are, frankly speaking, pathetic. They should keep those views to themselves. But responding to them as your husband did achieves nothing except raising the temperature. A lot of people on MN seem to thrive on drama, so they probably approve. But you're not living in some ridiculous reality TV show. In real life, most people say things they regret from time to time, but they still find a way to move on.

It’s not just the weight comment. Telling someone to “fuck off” is really aggressive. Sad so many posters think it’s normal language.
And the stupid “nosey” comment is the insult of a playground. I’d worry he’s not got the communication skills to bring up children.

I mean all he had to say was he finds the repeated comments on parenting insulting and they need to stop. And follow up with the consequence ie we won’t visit or won’t visit with the kids etc.

I’m blown away by how many pearl clutchers think a weight comment is more offensive than telling a guy he shouldn’t be doing so much for his wife, shaming him or implying a lack of masculinity for being an active father. It’s offensive to both the OP and her husband. I’d’ve given him a standing ovation, frankly.

He did nothing wrong imo.

Auntt brought up her own weight issues and is making unnecessary comments about things that are none of her business and doing it repeatedly on top of ridiculing your husband who is being an actual parent. I doubt anyone asked her opinion on the matter.

Don’t start nothing, won’t be nothing.

Always eyeroll people who talk about moral high ground when it is always expected of the victim to have it and not the bully to be a better person.

Yeah he needs to apologise for the personal weight comment, but other than that, he did nothing wrong. He was provoked by a sexist comment and men absolutely should be helping out with their children.

Having read all your posts @ForFancyNavyLion your H is absolutely not BU.

as you say he’s had the last 4 years of this, and the previous 12 on other subjects.

i dare say with that all starting up again, it must have tipped him over the edge.

she was pushing for that and now has the cheek to try and play the victim

well fuck her! It’s about time.

he didn’t even pull that comment out of thin air either, he just reminded her of what SHE said she needed to focus on.

the narrative with them now is “I said what I said, and I meant what I said. I’ve had years of your comments and they stop right now. Unless you want me to get personal next time? I just told you what you’d been telling us. You own words. If your offended by your own words, nothing I can do about it”

I would’ve really struggled not to laugh. Look it’s a shocking response, but your cousin/aunt was being a judgmental cow. She should be apologising, he clearly wouldn’t have gone below the belt if anyone had been pointing out it was none of her freaking business how your family operates.

So they can dish it out but not take it. Tell them they were in the wrong and kept ranting and pushing it. If they hadn't ranted and pushed he wouldn't have retaliated.

If he just told them to fuck off and mind their own business there would have been absolutely nothing wrong. Annoying he said the weight comment but honestly sounds like they were goading him. Think it’s great you are parenting equally

I think its lovely you have the first year together . Its only ever a positive. And very odd your family dont see it that way.
You can only have a go at someone for so long before they snap back. And really if they cant cope with it then they shouldnt be making so many comments about how other people live .
Maybe now they will rethink how they speak to people .

He shouldn’t have brought up her weight, but if she’s slagging off his parenting then she’s got a nerve attempting to take the high road now.

Telling her to fuck off and commenting on her weight is unacceptable . Her comments were u welcome I understand. I don't however understand how someone needs to react in the way your husband did. Maybe I am totally wrong but, I presumed with the package re paternity and extended paternity leave, that he would have a reasonably responsible job? If so i am sure he would not behave like this in the workplace

In my experience, people who have no compunction about being rude themselves are the least able to accept other people being rude to them. So many people can give it out but can’t take it. Tough shit, they need to learn some manners. I’m Team DH, I wouldn’t be expecting him to apologise.

I'd agree two wrongs don't make a right and all that, but it's quite funny. She shouldn't dish it out if she can't take it.

I think your aunt and her daughter need to apologise to your husband! What horrible people they are. They absolutely should not have gotten away with harassing him. He sounds like a wonderful father. You need to stick up for your man.

Roll reverse and you'd get different opions on here I'm sure!
Funny how people get offended when they're pulled up on their behaviour; its the only thing they have left to cling to!
Good on your husband for not taking any shit!

That was an horrendous thing to say. He had every right to shut the conversation down firmly at that point, but he lost all moral high ground when he went for a horrible personal insult.

I think its mainly your fault for not shutting down your relatives sexist rude comments.

He was rude but also she deserved it. Taste of her own medicine tbh

Maybe your aunt and her daughter shouldn't dish out criticism if they can't take it!

I think they deserved it. In your husbands shoes l would not be apologising or giving it anymore head space. They sound infuriating both with the interfering and weight preoccupation. The way you or your husband run your lives is none of their business

2 wrongs dont make a right...
If you can afford for your DH to take 6 months unpaid paternity leave thats up to you,if your husband shares caring for your children, thats up to you. if your realatives think that strange and comment negatively on it thats wrong ,if your Dh is rude in response thats also wrong.