To think my husband did not go too far and they should just get over it ?

This is not "where you are with it" given your thread title?

You think your rude, ignorant DH didn't go too far? So why the change of heart? Maybe because nobody on this thread has agreed with you?

Bringing someone's personal appearance into an argument automatically negates any valid point they may have had (in my opinion at least)

I think it's great that your husband is able to take a years paternity leave.
Your aunt and cousin were wrong to keep critisising that decision it's none of their business. Your husband was completely wrong to bring her weight into it though. Why didn't her argue the case properly, tell her it's your decision and not her business etc. talking about her weight was nothing to do with the argument and completely unnecessary. So yes I think he should apologise for that but the apology can be tempered with sentence to explain why he snapped eg something like
I shouldn't have mentioned X's weight and I'm sorry I upset her I was wrong to make personal comments. But we have every right to make our own parenting decisions and you should respect those.

He sounds absolutely foul

I don’t understand what her weight has to do with anything. Or why being slimmer would make her less nosey.

Telling someone to fuck off (while a guest in their family home!) is incredibly rude and of course he should apologise for his massive over-reaction.

I’m sure you’re both sleep-deprived and that may be part of his explanation for this total loss of self-control, when he apologises.

There are plenty of ways of shutting down a conversation without swearing and gratuitously insulting someone’s appearance.

Would you? He is his own person, he can do what he likes. His embarrassment or shame is not the OP's. She didn't say it.

I mean obviously your DH was very rude and personal but your relatives honestly sound appalling with their neo misogynistic bullshit.

He handled it really badly but I am team DH. Your family sound like people from a 1970s sitcom.

was your older son there?

in our house, we try to model accountability for your own actions, so if our kids fall out with each other for example, we take into account the provocation but both must apologise for their own part of it, we don’t try to decide who said the worst thing or who “deserved it” or settle for tit for tat.

sometimes apologising first with dignity is being the bigger person. But I would be suggesting that if they are not supportive of how you care for your family, that you spend less time with them in future. I would also let it be known that you were both upset by their constant criticism of you.

she was rude and ignorant but your husband was plain nasty and I’d be embarrassed and ashamed of him.

The sexism is obviously completely out of order and needs to be challenged but it was expressed as an opinion - and yes, a stupid one. The weight comment was very clearly a personal attack designed to hurt someone.

That is why the weight comment was worse.

Wow he actually said that? Is there no end to his talents?

I'm out. Silly me.

Yeah, talking about weight is a personal issue and quite immature. But, I get why he snapped. He would've been better just to walk out and meet you back at home. Your relatives sound shit to be honest and I hope he doesn't have to suffer them again.

Did you miss half the op?

Her daughter, who is in her 50s, then joined in and started ranting at DH about how men and women have different roles, how he shouldn't be doing everything for me, etc. DH initially tried to laugh it off but she kept going and eventually he snapped

No one is 'entitled' to continually berate someone about their life choices. Well, they can, but they're likely to be told to shut the fuck up.

Calling her fat was unnecessary of course but well, if you have a tendency to come at someone swinging then you should probably expect some return shots.

This. In buckets.

Yes it's never ok to comment about someone's weight but he was clearly pushed to the limit

I think live by the sword, die by the sword too.
One jokey or ignorant comment might be just about ok, but a rant?!? They’re rude as fuck.

I was on your side until you said that your H weaponised he weight to attack her personally. She was rude but he was ruder. He should certainly apologise.

He doesn't sound very nice.

Team DH.

Absolutely entertained by fact that some on MN think sexism and "it's wife's job" is lesser issue than weight dig

Sorry but I think this is quite funny. Too fat nobodies handing out grief & outdated opinions to what sounds like a great father, no one asked for their opinion, he gets exasperated and basically says oh pipe down you fat nobody. It’s for them to apologise 1st. They should’ve left him alone.
I hate people who can dole it out and then as soon as he mentioned something like weight, it’s all a drama. Obesity costs the NHS millions. Get yourself a salad and pipe down pet.

Oh dear well he totally lost the moral high ground there didn’t he?

They both behaved awfully, but one is just a random cousin who's unpleasant opinion and whether she voices it doesn't matter to your family. This man is your husband and should not be dishing out personal insults like that if he wants to be a good husband and father. He should have just told her to mind your own business and if she didn't you could have all left.

Typical man insult.

How was he worse?

Why are you even still bothering with this awful relatives? I’m fully team DH here, but I’d have told them to fuck off long before he had to.

Apparently your relatives can dish it but can't take it.

Your husband doesn't owe them anything.

If they feel they have the right to tear his choices apart, then he can do the same back. Two can play that game.

Weight isn't some sort of sacred cow that nobody can ever, ever mention, criticise, or fling back at someone in the heat of the moment.

Your husband has been up at night with the four week old baby doing his share of the care. Give him some grace here.

Your relatives are neanderthals who have no excuse.

Double Hmm