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AIBU?

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Original poster

What do I do? How do I handle this?

11 replies

Whatthewho · 20/09/2026 13:01

I have name changed for this as it’s a bit sensitive but strange at the same time. I don’t really know what to do to be honest 😭 a good friend of mine called over about 20mins ago for a coffee. As she walked in I was just finishing my ironing. I literally just said hello etc at the door and walked in to the kitchen area ahead of her and said “sorry, give me two mins I’ll just finish this shirt and I’ll pop these away” as I turned to see her she had watery eyes. I thought something was wrong so I asked. She broke down and said something along the lines of - I honestly just can’t do this anymore. I can’t understand how you have time for this. I mean you iron too! This house is way too clean and you work full-time. Where am I going wrong? I have to go!
Then she just left…I’ve been sat here thinking what the fuck? Surely there’s more to this? I’ve tried to call her and have had no answer. Do I just leave it? Or do I call over later?

OP posts:
tarheelbaby · 20/09/2026 13:05

Personally, I would definitely make an effort. I'd go to her house and knock until someone answers. Clearly there is more to this. At a minimum, she is desperately stressed out today and could use some friendly company.

Original poster
Whatthewho · 20/09/2026 13:07

tarheelbaby · 20/09/2026 13:05

Personally, I would definitely make an effort. I'd go to her house and knock until someone answers. Clearly there is more to this. At a minimum, she is desperately stressed out today and could use some friendly company.

I need to wait for my Dp to get home and then I’ll pop over. It’ll probably be an hour. I feel awful she sounded very overwhelmed 😭

OP posts:
VoltaireMittyDream · 20/09/2026 13:08

It’s not about you, she’s feeling horrible about herself for some reason. If she’s a close friend, can you not hazard a guess about what might be going on for her?

Don’t go round, don’t call her again, but don’t just leave it, if you care about her, as she’ll be feeling ashamed. Send her a text saying you hope she’s all right, and you’re there with hugs and a listening ear any time she needs it. Make sure she knows you’re not angry with her, and not just calling to get an explanation for her behaviour.

If you don’t want to provide hugs or a listening ear, or if this is not the sort of thing you’re generally good at, then you could just send a warm text saying you hope she’s OK.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 20/09/2026 13:15

poor thing - does she have young kids - could she have PND

Does she have a partner or mother you could call - I think going around there would be a last resort as she feels overwhelmed keeping her home clean and tidy a surprise visit will make it worse not better.

It’s not about you though just remember that - she feels overwhelmed and needing a break - and she needs to know none of us are perfect - my house looks far from a show home today!

DeskGnome · 20/09/2026 13:16

Sounds like some sort of breakdown, bless her.

Is there someone you can call who might look in on her now?

Smallpoxy · 20/09/2026 13:17

Go see her! In an hour is fine.

Original poster
Whatthewho · 20/09/2026 13:21

She has a dp yes. I do know this is not about me, of course I do. Obviously there’s something I don’t know about. Her youngest dc is 10 so no new or young dc. I’m so worried 😟

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatthewho · 20/09/2026 13:22

I have messaged her also, a very kind message obviously.

OP posts:
DeskGnome · 20/09/2026 13:23

How long have you known her and how well?

Is it very out of character?

Original poster
Whatthewho · 20/09/2026 13:27

DeskGnome · 20/09/2026 13:23

How long have you known her and how well?

Is it very out of character?

Yes quite out of character to be honest I have known her since our her dc joined the school so about 2 years I think. We just clicked, we have the same sense of humour.

OP posts:
Shithole10148 · 20/09/2026 13:40

Whatthewho · 20/09/2026 13:01

I have name changed for this as it’s a bit sensitive but strange at the same time. I don’t really know what to do to be honest 😭 a good friend of mine called over about 20mins ago for a coffee. As she walked in I was just finishing my ironing. I literally just said hello etc at the door and walked in to the kitchen area ahead of her and said “sorry, give me two mins I’ll just finish this shirt and I’ll pop these away” as I turned to see her she had watery eyes. I thought something was wrong so I asked. She broke down and said something along the lines of - I honestly just can’t do this anymore. I can’t understand how you have time for this. I mean you iron too! This house is way too clean and you work full-time. Where am I going wrong? I have to go!
Then she just left…I’ve been sat here thinking what the fuck? Surely there’s more to this? I’ve tried to call her and have had no answer. Do I just leave it? Or do I call over later?

It sounds like she may be struggling keeping up with the house. Cleaning tidying etc.

I used to post alot in here about my house being badly messy. Most people's homes are probably not at the level mine used to be. But i do know how she's probably feeling. Probably overwhelmed, feels she's going in circles and probably ashamed and may not ask for help because of the feelings around it.

Have you ever been to her home?
Her home could be like mine was or it could just be a little untidy. If she will let you help and your happy to. Please make it positive help if you can. She already feels hopeless and ashamed. Guilty that one sentence such as why/ how did you let it get this bad could break her.

I'm just trying to say i know how she feels if she gets you help try and be positive towards her.

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