Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel jealous of the dog

241 replies

TwinklyAmberSloth · 20/09/2026 12:38

DH and I have 3 kids.

We get on fine. No arguments.

But he hardly speaks to me and everything I love/do seems to irritate him. He is just so grumpy.

This morning he was clearly annoyed at me for opening the curtains at 7.30am. I'm an early riser. I go to bed 10pm and read, then try and sleep. I love mornings. DH goes to bed 11.30pm to midnight.

When he then got up 20 mins later, he didn't speak to me at all. He went straight down stairs and was playing with the dog.

He then has a shower, still doesn't speak to me, takes the dog for a walk, then takes DS to footy after shouting at DS (15) to get up. He let DS stay up til midnight then wondered why he wouldn't get up, so I was left to do the wake the teenager bit while DH walked the dog.

On a work day, he comes home then goes straight to the dog. He never asks how my day was. He will then come into the lounge 20 mins later after getting changed and tell me about his work.

I'm a little untidy. He picks up anything of mine and throws it in my office and moans. Ditto for kids stuff. Yet doesn't mind the dog hair everywhere and rolls his eyes if I comment on it.

Every evening he sits with dog on the sofa in his man cave, watching TV whilst on his phone. I sit on my own, or play the piano, or read. He then appears in the lounge about 10.15pm as I am about to go to bed. He hates books, he dislikes music and noise.

I work around 40 hours per week term time, and some work in school holidays. He works 37 hours a week and has flexi time and can WFH half the week. I do all the meal planning, cooking, organising kids stuff (except footy), cleaning, kids evening activities, school stuff.

I'm a lively cheerful person who likes people and has lots of hobbies yet I feel so lonely and dull. He genuinely seems to have no interest in me. Not physically and not mentally. Surely this is not normal for married life? Why doesn't he just divorce me and marry the dog?

I'm not a dog person. But when the last dog died 13 years ago DH was the most miserable git ever, so I had to agree to another dog as it was unbearable. I put rules in place e.g. sleep in utility room, not on furniture unless invited, not upstairs etc... but every single boundary I requested has been ignored.

Even when I do try and have a conversation, he seems to argue the opposite just for the sake of it. A motorbike did a wheelie down our road the other week and I said "what a nob head" and DH muttered "oh FFS just shut up". He likes motorbikes. He spends all weekend in the mancave watching bike racing.

If I'm not being unreasonable, would counselling fix this?

YABU: this is normal. men prefer dogs to people.

YANBU: this is not normal. couples talk and take interest in each others life.

OP posts:
BingBongBish · 20/09/2026 13:44

TwinklyAmberSloth · 20/09/2026 13:21

Because it was 7.30am and he told DS they were leaving 8.15am for footy.

With shower and dog walk and walking teenager that wasnt actually early enough. I did the teenager waking and they were still 20 mins late leaving.

Show quote history

What happens if you don't touch the curtains at all?

Do they spontaneously combust?

Purplecatshopaholic · 20/09/2026 13:42

Ugh, you two need to split up. The curtains thing is passive aggressive and would be grounds for divorce itself in my house. You absolutely do not ‘get on fine’ op, and you (both) need to face facts. You’d be happier apart - this must be so hard on your kids.

BingBongBish · 20/09/2026 13:42

Well this is definitely a new slant on the billions of dog threads we've seen this year, so well done for that 😁

You two clearly aren't compatible and it has nothing to do with the dog or any animal for that matter.

As an aside, why on earth do you need to open the curtains just because you've decided to get up?

amber763 · 20/09/2026 13:42

He sounds like a miserable twat but its really rude to open the curtains in the bedroom when someone is still in bed.

LogicVoid · 20/09/2026 13:40

Can you go away somewhere nice for a week? You sound like you need to do some deep thinking about what you want. The 'noise' around you at home is preventing this.

oizzle · 20/09/2026 13:39

OP I didn’t get past you opening the curtains. You and your DH are not communicating. If youre doing passive aggressive things like that I assure you you’re in a worse situation than those who argue a lot, at least they’re passionate enough to be trying to communicate.

Vaguelyclassical · 20/09/2026 13:38

Whatever the curtains and early rising issues and slight messiness issues are, nothing, but nothing, remotely outdoes in awfulness a human being who is married to another human being and who hardly ever talks to her or gives her the silent treatment or talks about his day while never asking her about hers. And you really should be as nice to your wife as you are to your dog. Ideally, rather nicer. But then I'm not a dog person.

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/09/2026 13:38

This isn’t getting on fine. You seem to detest each other. The atmosphere in your home must be suffocating, your children will know this isn’t normal or healthy.

Mouldemort · 20/09/2026 13:37

It’s not your job to wake an adult up because you want to control his schedule. I would have been furious. There are occasions when I have woken my partner, but only with trepidation, bearing coffee, when we’ve both agreed to get up.

It does seem like you have reached the “contempt” stage which is very hard to get over. I suggest the two of you go out to neutral ground and talk about your relationship and your future.

Original poster
TwinklyAmberSloth · 20/09/2026 13:37

Stormyrose · 20/09/2026 13:26

That’s really passive aggressive to open curtains when he’s asleep as you’ve decided it’s time to get up as he’s leaving 45 mins later. That would annoy the fuck out of me, as would mess, pick up after yourself.

im sorry but im team husband.

That's a fair enough comment. I was just trying to avoid him shouting and swearing at DS for not getting up on time as otherwise he would have jumped out of bed 8am, showered then taken the dog straight out then got in a right strop when DS wasn't up and ready.

DS is terrible at getting up, especially when he goes to bed so late.

OP posts:
Dumbledora8 · 20/09/2026 13:36

Opening the curtains at 7.30am when he is still sleeping is so disrespectful! Calling him a grumpy git when his dog died is disgusting! You lack empathy and you sound like the problem!

andthat · 20/09/2026 13:36

@TwinklyAmberSloth why are you staying?!
He is not interested in you and isn’t suddenly going to be!

You get one life. Do yourself a favour and split up!!

BugJuice · 20/09/2026 13:35

TwinklyAmberSloth · 20/09/2026 13:26

@Imaginingdragonsagain @Suchevilforebodings @Freya1542

The curtain thing... he had told DS they were leaving at 8.15am for footy, so 7.30am gives him 45 mins to shower, walk dog and wake teenager, which wasn't actually enough time. I did the teenager waking and the were still 20 mins late.

I only open curtains if people have to get up anyway and it's a reasonable time e.g. 45 mins before having to leave.

But surely it’s up to him when he gets up? You decided for him that he needed to be up.

WishfulThinkingToday · 20/09/2026 13:34

He either doesn't like you, or he could be autistic. This behaviour sounds completely normal if he was autistic (my Dad is, and he tells me countless times that he loves his dog more than people). It would also explain how he doesn't say hello when he walks in, and only speaks to you when he has completed the tasks he needs to do first.

Either way, because you sound unhappy you are probably not compatible.

BronzedSun · 20/09/2026 13:32

Stormyrose · 20/09/2026 13:26

That’s really passive aggressive to open curtains when he’s asleep as you’ve decided it’s time to get up as he’s leaving 45 mins later. That would annoy the fuck out of me, as would mess, pick up after yourself.

im sorry but im team husband.

Yeah I feel like those two points suggest OP isn’t that easy to deal with and they both annoy each other. I would be fuming if DH forced me to get up - regardless of whatever plans we have I’m not a child that needs to be woken up and dictate to. And I hate mess and would get so fed up cleaning up after DH all the time.

Jellybean23 · 20/09/2026 13:31

Neither of you married the right person.

Stormyrose · 20/09/2026 13:30

Also op justifying being messy as the dog moults is just silly, dogs can’t help that, and they can hardly clean up after themselves. You’re an adult human.

and there is nothing wrong with him getting changed and coming into the lounge 20 mins later to chat.

and if you want to play the piano, I can see why he sits in his man cave

you’re blaming him but you clearly dislike him intently , so end this marriage,

GoodGirlFaith · 20/09/2026 13:30

You opened the curtains while he was still sleeping? I think that’s very selfish.

AshCullen1894 · 20/09/2026 13:29

Setting aside the curtain incident, it really sounds as if this man doesn't like you and is merely going through the motions of being a husband and father. I am not surprised you feel lonely.

shhblackbag · 20/09/2026 13:27

Stormyrose · 20/09/2026 13:26

That’s really passive aggressive to open curtains when he’s asleep as you’ve decided it’s time to get up as he’s leaving 45 mins later. That would annoy the fuck out of me, as would mess, pick up after yourself.

im sorry but im team husband.

But also this. I'd be pissed off.

shhblackbag · 20/09/2026 13:27

You don't even seem to like each other. At best, you are completely incompatible.

Stormyrose · 20/09/2026 13:26

That’s really passive aggressive to open curtains when he’s asleep as you’ve decided it’s time to get up as he’s leaving 45 mins later. That would annoy the fuck out of me, as would mess, pick up after yourself.

im sorry but im team husband.

Original poster
TwinklyAmberSloth · 20/09/2026 13:26

@Imaginingdragonsagain @Suchevilforebodings @Freya1542

The curtain thing... he had told DS they were leaving at 8.15am for footy, so 7.30am gives him 45 mins to shower, walk dog and wake teenager, which wasn't actually enough time. I did the teenager waking and the were still 20 mins late.

I only open curtains if people have to get up anyway and it's a reasonable time e.g. 45 mins before having to leave.

OP posts:
PrettyLittleRose · 20/09/2026 13:25

TwinklyAmberSloth · 20/09/2026 12:38

DH and I have 3 kids.

We get on fine. No arguments.

But he hardly speaks to me and everything I love/do seems to irritate him. He is just so grumpy.

This morning he was clearly annoyed at me for opening the curtains at 7.30am. I'm an early riser. I go to bed 10pm and read, then try and sleep. I love mornings. DH goes to bed 11.30pm to midnight.

When he then got up 20 mins later, he didn't speak to me at all. He went straight down stairs and was playing with the dog.

He then has a shower, still doesn't speak to me, takes the dog for a walk, then takes DS to footy after shouting at DS (15) to get up. He let DS stay up til midnight then wondered why he wouldn't get up, so I was left to do the wake the teenager bit while DH walked the dog.

On a work day, he comes home then goes straight to the dog. He never asks how my day was. He will then come into the lounge 20 mins later after getting changed and tell me about his work.

I'm a little untidy. He picks up anything of mine and throws it in my office and moans. Ditto for kids stuff. Yet doesn't mind the dog hair everywhere and rolls his eyes if I comment on it.

Every evening he sits with dog on the sofa in his man cave, watching TV whilst on his phone. I sit on my own, or play the piano, or read. He then appears in the lounge about 10.15pm as I am about to go to bed. He hates books, he dislikes music and noise.

I work around 40 hours per week term time, and some work in school holidays. He works 37 hours a week and has flexi time and can WFH half the week. I do all the meal planning, cooking, organising kids stuff (except footy), cleaning, kids evening activities, school stuff.

I'm a lively cheerful person who likes people and has lots of hobbies yet I feel so lonely and dull. He genuinely seems to have no interest in me. Not physically and not mentally. Surely this is not normal for married life? Why doesn't he just divorce me and marry the dog?

I'm not a dog person. But when the last dog died 13 years ago DH was the most miserable git ever, so I had to agree to another dog as it was unbearable. I put rules in place e.g. sleep in utility room, not on furniture unless invited, not upstairs etc... but every single boundary I requested has been ignored.

Even when I do try and have a conversation, he seems to argue the opposite just for the sake of it. A motorbike did a wheelie down our road the other week and I said "what a nob head" and DH muttered "oh FFS just shut up". He likes motorbikes. He spends all weekend in the mancave watching bike racing.

If I'm not being unreasonable, would counselling fix this?

YABU: this is normal. men prefer dogs to people.

YANBU: this is not normal. couples talk and take interest in each others life.

Well you don't 'get on fine' if he hardly talks to you and is always grumpy, and gets annoyed by you bloody breathing!! Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a man who prefers his dog to you?

You're worth more than that @TwinklyAmberSloth

OneZanyPoet · 20/09/2026 13:24

Why participate in this charade of a marriage? He can’t stand to be around you. He doesn’t like you. You don’t seem to care about him either, which is a bit understandable in the circumstances. What isn’t understandable is continuing this misery. Your kids can definitely tell you don’t like each other. It’s very oppressive growing up in this environment. I was so relieved when my parents divorced and I was ten.

Swipe left for the next trending thread