To feel jealous of the dog

You don't even seem to like each other. At best, you are completely incompatible.

I think it’s interesting which comments you’re choosing to engage with. 81% of commenters think YANBU, the overwhelming majority are astonished you’re tolerating any of this, yet you’re mostly responding to people who are wittering on about the curtains.

Yes, you should let them get up in their own time, but that’s not the issue here. Your husband is thoughtless, self absorbed, doesn’t do his share of the domestic labour, cannot even be trusted to feed his own children, shouts at his DS, tells you to shut the fuck up and generally acts like he can’t stand you. Regardless of your assertions on this thread, he is a horrible person. Why are you in this relationship? How can you accept that this is your life?

Well he went straight back to sleep after moaning and putting the duvet over his head so it can't have been that bad?!?!

I think counselling could be worth a shot, or at least it might make him understand how checked out he appears to be.

His dad came round the other day and the two of them were chatting away. They said more in an hour than I think he says to me in a month! So I think the penny is sinking in that he actually really doesn't like me particularly and I'm just an irritating person.

I mean I can be super annoying. My hearing is really sensitive so I hear ALL noises (kids, dog, things happening outside, washing machine etc...) so if I watch TV (not often) I put subtitles on so I can actually follow properly. Otherwise I miss quite a lot and it gets boring. He won't watch anything with the subtitles on, nor does he like the volume turned up. So when I've tried to do a film night with popcorn, he either refuses to join us (kids don't mind subtitles) or joins us and sits on his phone (so surely wouldn't even see the subtitles???) but I end up missing lots of what is said. It's really frustrating.

I genuinely don't mean to be such an irritating person, but I guess I just am!

I do understand the curtain bit and that I shouldn't have opened them. He did go back to sleep 60 seconds later.

I'm not sure I see myself as passive aggressive. I was just trying to keep the calm and avoid shouting. Everything I do is to keep life running smoothly. I will take a step back in future.

DH has done things like spend £7000 on something for himself without so much as mentioning it to me, and didn't see the issue. He won't go abroad as dog can't come (so I take the kids on holiday). And if I take the kids away for a week (I get school holidays so do all the childcare) then he often forgets to contact me all week and it's only me contacting him. He insisted on renovating the bathroom himself (after I wanted to pay to get someone to do it) and a year later we still have no main bathroom.

But I don't think he is doing this out of spite. I think he just thinks it's OK and normal to behave like this. And I don't think it is normal.

Again, I opened the curtains (a little) as he needed to be gone by 8.15am so I didn't really see the issue. I get I was wrong and should have left him to over-sleep.

The dog is his. Not mine. Previously we have clarified that walking the dog is his hobby, and not classified as a chore. A dog should never be a chore.

I have an electric piano. In the evening I use headphones as the kids are in bed. It's also in another room and not the lounge. Even if I'm not playing he will sit in the man cave with dog and TV and phone.

I do deal with my own "trash". I am often carrying bags and instruments and folders and marking when I get in. So I put the bags down in the hallway. Then I get straight on with dinner, helping with homework, doing stuff with kids etc... so forget to put things in my office. And yes the kids could deal with theirs too, but they sometimes forget.

He has a lie in every day. I am first up on work days, use the bathroom, make kids lunches, get their breakfast, make sure uniform is OK (one child autistic with sensory issues), put stuff in school bags, get teenager up*.

DH stays in bed til the last minute then has a quick shower. He can sleep through anything. INCLUDING an open curtain!

*Teenager is genuinely bad at waking up. He just can't. He has two alarms including a vibrating pillow one but I can have an entire conversation with him but he just goes back to sleep if I leave.

DH and I have 3 kids.

We get on fine. No arguments.

But he hardly speaks to me and everything I love/do seems to irritate him. He is just so grumpy.

This morning he was clearly annoyed at me for opening the curtains at 7.30am. I'm an early riser. I go to bed 10pm and read, then try and sleep. I love mornings. DH goes to bed 11.30pm to midnight.

When he then got up 20 mins later, he didn't speak to me at all. He went straight down stairs and was playing with the dog.

He then has a shower, still doesn't speak to me, takes the dog for a walk, then takes DS to footy after shouting at DS (15) to get up. He let DS stay up til midnight then wondered why he wouldn't get up, so I was left to do the wake the teenager bit while DH walked the dog.

On a work day, he comes home then goes straight to the dog. He never asks how my day was. He will then come into the lounge 20 mins later after getting changed and tell me about his work.

I'm a little untidy. He picks up anything of mine and throws it in my office and moans. Ditto for kids stuff. Yet doesn't mind the dog hair everywhere and rolls his eyes if I comment on it.

Every evening he sits with dog on the sofa in his man cave, watching TV whilst on his phone. I sit on my own, or play the piano, or read. He then appears in the lounge about 10.15pm as I am about to go to bed. He hates books, he dislikes music and noise.

I work around 40 hours per week term time, and some work in school holidays. He works 37 hours a week and has flexi time and can WFH half the week. I do all the meal planning, cooking, organising kids stuff (except footy), cleaning, kids evening activities, school stuff.

I'm a lively cheerful person who likes people and has lots of hobbies yet I feel so lonely and dull. He genuinely seems to have no interest in me. Not physically and not mentally. Surely this is not normal for married life? Why doesn't he just divorce me and marry the dog?

I'm not a dog person. But when the last dog died 13 years ago DH was the most miserable git ever, so I had to agree to another dog as it was unbearable. I put rules in place e.g. sleep in utility room, not on furniture unless invited, not upstairs etc... but every single boundary I requested has been ignored.

Even when I do try and have a conversation, he seems to argue the opposite just for the sake of it. A motorbike did a wheelie down our road the other week and I said "what a nob head" and DH muttered "oh FFS just shut up". He likes motorbikes. He spends all weekend in the mancave watching bike racing.

If I'm not being unreasonable, would counselling fix this?

YABU: this is normal. men prefer dogs to people.

YANBU: this is not normal. couples talk and take interest in each others life.

Again, I opened the curtains (a little) as he needed to be gone by 8.15am so I didn't really see the issue. I get I was wrong and should have left him to over-sleep.

The dog is his. Not mine. Previously we have clarified that walking the dog is his hobby, and not classified as a chore. A dog should never be a chore.

I have an electric piano. In the evening I use headphones as the kids are in bed. It's also in another room and not the lounge. Even if I'm not playing he will sit in the man cave with dog and TV and phone.

I do deal with my own "trash". I am often carrying bags and instruments and folders and marking when I get in. So I put the bags down in the hallway. Then I get straight on with dinner, helping with homework, doing stuff with kids etc... so forget to put things in my office. And yes the kids could deal with theirs too, but they sometimes forget.

He has a lie in every day. I am first up on work days, use the bathroom, make kids lunches, get their breakfast, make sure uniform is OK (one child autistic with sensory issues), put stuff in school bags, get teenager up*.

DH stays in bed til the last minute then has a quick shower. He can sleep through anything. INCLUDING an open curtain!

*Teenager is genuinely bad at waking up. He just can't. He has two alarms including a vibrating pillow one but I can have an entire conversation with him but he just goes back to sleep if I leave.