To feel jealous of the dog

Every update just gets worse. It's not about the dog.

I never said it was.

This is so very far removed from this couple as to almost be comedic

I think the muttering would make it ever so slightly worse for me, TwinklyAmberSloth. This does seem, to me at least, to be an unacceptable way to be spoken to, in your own home or anywhere else. Is this a new thing?

Seriously, the husband shows zero interest in op and their children. Doesn't ask how they are or what sort of day they had and you think op should practically beg for a bit of consideration. It's way beyond the dog.

This is way way beyond couples therapy

Can you take more interest in the dog maybe ? Go on walks with him and DH, cuddle up with the dog and your DH. Im a dog person and it would annoy me if my partner was cold with the dog and you seem passive about his feelings when he lost a dog before, its a big deal losing a dog.

You both seem to resent each other and engage in passive aggressive behaviour. Couple therapy might help, if you don't want to separate.

I'm so sorry for you OP. Everyone here is just awful to you for just existing and trying your best.

And I'm sorry, but your husband doesn't like you or your children. If you were to divorce he'll be an absent father that never sees his children. I think you should see a therapist for your own sake, you have been put down for such a long time that you need help to build yourself up.

Start living your own life with your children. Stop inviting him into your life and start doing things outside of the house. Teach your children to fend for them selves, since your husband can't be trusted to take care of anything but the dog. Live your life as a single mom and treat your husband as a roommate. That is where your life is heading so you might just as well start to do it now.

Sounds miserable OP. It seems like you have disconnected from each other. I am an introvert and like my own space and time after interacting with people at work all day, but your husband acts as though everything you do and say annoys him and avoids you when he can. He is ' weaponising' the dog against you too. I couldn't live like this. From my experience it is often men who excel at this kind of domestic grumpiness and resentment. You have nothing to loose by putting all of your cards on the table and sitting him down ( where he can't negate you by walking off) and telling him straight that the marriage is over, unless he engages in serious discussion. At the moment he is getting away with undermining you by treating you as if you don't matter without having to explain himself.Is he is depressed or over burdened? ( hard to see how when all the household organisation is left to you) If so there are better ways of addressing this than his current behaviour Be prepared to walk away . Life is too short and it sounds like your DH needs a shock to wake him up. A neutral councillor may help you both to get to the core of these issues and make a more informed decision as to whether the marriage is salvageable.

She knew both DH and son needed to be up and out for a certain time.
Opening the curtains on a sunny morning once is not comparable to being ignored all day and every day.

You only married because you fell pregnant. You don’t love or like each other. I don’t see things changing unless you split.

I could have written this post. Same situation in my household, so I feel your pain. It’s so hurtful. My H will never spontaneously hug or kiss me or our son, but he will blow kisses to the dog, and can’t walk past the dog without cuddling him. When he gets home from work, he greets the dog lovingly and walks straight past us both without any hugs or kisses. I pointed this out to him recently as it was really getting me down and I told him how it made me feel (and our son has commented on it too) - he still does it, so now it feels weaponised and deliberate and some sort of power trip. He will fixate on whether the dog has eaten, but never think about whether our son has been fed. He passively aggressively says he needs to walk the dog on the weekends because he’s not been out (ie I’ve not taken him out - I walk him for miles on the days it’s just me at home, and he comes running with me too if I’m short on time). Yet if he wants to go out for the day, he’s happy to leave him for hours saying “he’ll be fine” and it’s me that organises and pays for a dog walker to come in. I can’t reconcile it- especially when our 11 year old has picked up on it and “jokes” that dad loves the dog more than he loves me. Nobody should feel that way. But in answer to your question you YANBU, it hurts and I feel exactly the same.

If you can’t live separately, how about an open marriage, OP? @TwinklyAmberSloth

This has all the hall marks of a Netflix crime documentary that results in one of you killing off the other @TwinklyAmberSloth .

I don’t feel sorry for you or your husband in the slightest - it is the 3 children growing up in the dark household that my heart goes out to. Strangely though you seem very - yeah whatever, about that dimension

But you don't get along fine

You have said multiple times he gets shouty and sweary at minor irritations. that is him being aggressive to you

As others have said this man does not like you. He seems disrespectful and has contempt

So no none of this is normal. Do you think you want your divorce him?

I don’t think opening the curtains 45 minutes before he said he wanted to leave the house is a bad thing. Do you usually help him and your teenager get up and ready for the day?
if so. Please stop.
He is a man, your son is a nearly grown man. Let them be responsible for their own timekeeping. If it goes wrong it’s their problem and not yours.

Reading how your husband treats you though… I’m sorry he treats you so indifferently. Your boundaries around the dog should have been respected. It sounds like you do the lionshare of home keeping, so it’s a bit mean of him to pick up what you do leave about and throw it in your office. Particularly if he does no other bousework or home keeping. It honestly comes across as very contemptuous.

if he doesn’t speak to you, doesn’t help you, doesn’t respect you, doesn’t listen to you… why are you there?

and as for the comment under his breath for you to STF up… no one can tell you what you should do. We’re just strangers on the internet and this your life, your marriage and your husband. But we can tell you that no one deserves to be treated this way, spoken to this way and it’s obvious your husband has the capacity to show love, give time and affection. He just doesn’t sound like he is doing that with you.

it’s time for a big think. What are you willing to accept?
what needs to change?
what are your boundaries?
and what happens if he isn’t willing to meet you in the middle?

we only get one life. Don’t let yours be wasted in a space where your happiness is not considered.

Maybe I missed it, but I don’t think OP talked about opening curtains to wake her son, just her husband. Waking her son up would make more sense as he is a CHILD.

I can see why your dh finds you annoying. You don’t accept any mistake.

In your second post, you said you opened curtains to wake your dh because otherwise your teenager would have kept sleeping. So it sounded like he was the one responsible for waking up son.

When posters said you should have woken up son instead, your response is you did that.

So if your woke up your son and let’s say your dh work up at 7:45 or even 8 am, why would he have shouted at your son for still sleeping?

Why didn’t you wake your teenager then?
You have called your dh miserable, grumpy, you open the curtain while he is sleeping to avoid his shouting and swearing at your teenagers. Why didn’t you mention his shouting and swearing in open? And two, your description of him is showing you don’t like him much. So you have resentment towards each others.

You also seems to be blaming him for your teenager waking up late and showed no empathy for him losing his dog. So while his silent treatments are bad, your attitude towards him is not full of love. My suggestion is to have a heart to heart honest conversation with him.

Fixated On his phone again during family time?
Mmmm …

This was my immediate thought.
Sounds like he’s checked out.
Picking smalls fights to justify his shit behaviour.
No doubt it was your fault teenager was late getting up and ready for football too.
My guess is you opened curtains because everything is left to you to organise. He rolls out of bed for the football drive last minute dot com and all the arrangements and organising are on you.
The dog gives him an excuse not to connect with you.
Who’s he on the phone all evening to ????
Wish you all the best 💐

Ah, OP, I am so on your side. Me and dh had a relationship a bit like this - someone said it upthread as you have lost the emotional ties that allow you to be generous to each other. That rang very true for me.
Things are a bit better now, I said I was leaving and was astonished when he asked what he could do to make me stay. I pointed out he'd never given any indication that me and the kids were anything but a burden. We had several long conversations (planned) where we told each other all the things that were eating away at us about the other. I said we needed to lance the boil of resentment that had been growing for years, we both needed to be heard to stop it coming out as passive aggression and hurting each other, and he agreed.
Then the plan after these conversations continued was to have another set of conversations outlining what we'd both like life together to look like, ideally, and see if compromise was possible. We haven't got round to those yet! We've had a hectic few months instead, but even after the first round of convos, things have been easier. We might not go the distance, but I feel more hopeful than in a long time.
We also married young, having never lived together (though not shotgun) and aren't very compatible. He was fun to be friends with, a little less fun to date, not much fun to live with. But a life together is what we have so neither of us is ready to give it up easily.

His fixation/escape/ comfort blanket was alcohol, not a dog, which complicates things slightly but fundamentally the dynamic was the same as yours, I think. I so hope you get some peace. Its a horrible jangled feeling living with someone you are at odds with, even if the being at odds doesn't manifest outwardly, noisily.

This isn't normal and I can't imagine living like this. And he shouts and swears at his whole family, these are the actions of a horrible person and I can't see how this constitutes getting on fine with no arguments. I would consider pretty.much any living situation that involved a roof over my head in preference to this. I can't tell you what to do but I'd certainly be consulting a.divorce lawyer.