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AIBU?

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Original poster

Maintenance

70 replies

xXExtraXx · 20/09/2026 12:20

Whats your opinion on not claiming maintenance if father doesn’t want any contact? Aibu not claiming maintenance if father does not want to be involved?

OP posts:
pepperaunt · 20/09/2026 13:04

I was thinking the new partner/mother of next child of the father

Original poster
xXExtraXx · 20/09/2026 13:03

bababamama · 20/09/2026 12:50

Circumstances matter here, a parent walking away from a very much planned child because they “want different things” is quite different to a child who resulted from unplanned pregnancy that the mother decided they wanted to keep because it could be their last chance of having a child, and the mother doesn’t actually want the involvement of the father. I know people in the second scenario who do not claim maintenance nor keep contact with the father because they made the decision to go it alone and feel money would make them involved, neither woman put the man’s name on the birth certificate either. It happens

Thank you as I’ve been accused of being a man.

OP posts:
OneHardyRobin · 20/09/2026 13:03

xXExtraXx · 20/09/2026 12:42

Because they have chosen to not be involved so why would you claim maintenance from someone that doesn’t want to be involved

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So just to be clear, you think that a parent could just up and leave one day and decide that they no longer want to be involved with or responsible for the children they willingly created and that the other parent should just let them walk away and shoulder not only 100% of the day to day care needs, but all of the financial ones???

Give your head a wobble 😂😂😂

Original poster
xXExtraXx · 20/09/2026 13:03

WhateverMate · 20/09/2026 13:01

Are you the bloke and you've abandoned your child, and now you're sore because 'the crazy bitch' wants money?

🤔

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Not at all. Not everyone you disagree with is a man.

OP posts:
WhateverMate · 20/09/2026 13:01

xXExtraXx · 20/09/2026 12:42

Because they have chosen to not be involved so why would you claim maintenance from someone that doesn’t want to be involved

Show quote history

Are you the bloke and you've abandoned your child, and now you're sore because 'the crazy bitch' wants money?

🤔

OriginalUsername2 · 20/09/2026 12:54

xXExtraXx · 20/09/2026 12:42

Because they have chosen to not be involved so why would you claim maintenance from someone that doesn’t want to be involved

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If they’re going to abandon their child they should at least be made to pay towards them IMO.

bababamama · 20/09/2026 12:52

Ps both cases I know are professional women with additional family wealth, they do not need the £500 a month or whatever

bababamama · 20/09/2026 12:50

Circumstances matter here, a parent walking away from a very much planned child because they “want different things” is quite different to a child who resulted from unplanned pregnancy that the mother decided they wanted to keep because it could be their last chance of having a child, and the mother doesn’t actually want the involvement of the father. I know people in the second scenario who do not claim maintenance nor keep contact with the father because they made the decision to go it alone and feel money would make them involved, neither woman put the man’s name on the birth certificate either. It happens

securityrisk · 20/09/2026 12:49

The father can choose not to be involved as in contact. But he can't choose not to be involved as in financial obligation. So a claim for maintenance should be made for the benefit of the child.

Dweetfidilove · 20/09/2026 12:45

I think it's a silly reason not to claim.
As the wise folks of MN always say - if you don't need it, put it in savings for the children.
I don't know a single child who wouldn't be happy receiving a healthy ISA or SIPP when they come of age. At least the sperm donor would be good for something other than procreating.

LaurieFairyCake · 20/09/2026 12:45

because the kid EXISTS and has NEEDS

choosing to not see it makes you a nobhead

trying to not support it makes you criminally negligent and that has consequences

pretending it doesn’t exist isn’t like playing peek a boo, just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist - it’s not Schrodingers kid !

Original poster
xXExtraXx · 20/09/2026 12:42

WhateverMate · 20/09/2026 12:41

No it doesn't say why.

I mean why don't you agree with claiming?

Is your child a movie and you think he only needs to buy a cinema ticket when he wants to see them?

Or does your child need food, clothes, gas, electric etc even when he doesn't see them?

Show quote history

Because they have chosen to not be involved so why would you claim maintenance from someone that doesn’t want to be involved

OP posts:
Original poster
xXExtraXx · 20/09/2026 12:42

cartagenagina · 20/09/2026 12:38

YABU as the money is for the child. If it’s payable then the resident parent is duty bound to claim on behalf of the child who is too young to make the claim themselves.

To me, not claiming is akin to theft.

That makes no sense at all. Claiming child maintenance is optional

OP posts:
WhateverMate · 20/09/2026 12:41

xXExtraXx · 20/09/2026 12:36

It does say in the most why, if a father doesnt want any contact I don’t agree with claiming

Show quote history

No it doesn't say why.

I mean why don't you agree with claiming?

Is your child a movie and you think he only needs to buy a cinema ticket when he wants to see them?

Or does your child need food, clothes, gas, electric etc even when he doesn't see them?

cartagenagina · 20/09/2026 12:38

YABU as the money is for the child. If it’s payable then the resident parent is duty bound to claim on behalf of the child who is too young to make the claim themselves.

To me, not claiming is akin to theft.

Original poster
xXExtraXx · 20/09/2026 12:36

WhateverMate · 20/09/2026 12:26

It's a bit odd to start a thread with so little information in your OP.

Like the obvious, 'why aren't you claiming'?

It does say in the most why, if a father doesnt want any contact I don’t agree with claiming

OP posts:
WhateverMate · 20/09/2026 12:26

It's a bit odd to start a thread with so little information in your OP.

Like the obvious, 'why aren't you claiming'?

huuskymam · 20/09/2026 12:26

Whether a father wants contact or not is irrelevant. He made a child, he should be financially supporting that child.

LizandDerekGoals · 20/09/2026 12:23

Surely that is more reason to claim maintenance. Children arent pay-per-view. The money is to support their upbringing. If he doesnt want to be involved in raising his children, he should be proving more financial backing.

can you easily afford trips, clubs and activities for the children or will this stance be limiting their options?

WhateverMate · 20/09/2026 12:22

Well it's entirely your decision isn't it?

Personally I think you're mad but that's just me 🤷‍♂️