Maintenance

Depends on a lot of factors. Dod he want a child before falling pregnant or did he always say he didn't and you had a 'little accident '?

Can you afford it? Would you wish he was involved or does it suit your life style well?

I didn't claim maintenance because my ex was useless. It would gave been more stressful to deal with him being in and out of work, changing jobs, not paying etc... I had enough on my plate to not add battling with CMS. Also because I know the whole thing would stress him even more and he would take it out on the kids. I preferred that they had least had better quality time with him.

They are now adults, know he didn't bother to pay. I think it made them respect me more as a mum, him less as a father.

He did have a choice!!! His choice began before he made the decision to have sex. He chose to have sex. Therefore he chose to accept responsibility for a baby should that happen.

No he doesnt get a choice
But once the child is born they are person in their own right who need
Food ,clothes and shelter .

Yes, sadly that's true. But he shouldn't have to pay for a child he has no choice about.

What the absolute fuck?!? That’s outrageous. If the father doesn’t want children, then he wears a condom. If he doesn’t wear a condom, then he bears the consequences.

If you don't want the father involved because you want to be free to move house/ country, make all the parenting decisions without needing to ask, if he's abusive, or he's a bad influence or whatever, and you don't need the money then yes I agree it's not unreasonable to not claim. Not claiming just because he doesn't want to be involved, that's very unreasonable. He is already involved whether he likes it or not.

Wether he wants too or if the mother puts a claim in he doesnt get a choice

It entirely depends on the circumstances. If the father wanted the child and/or was aware there was no precautions being taken then he should pay maintenance. If he thought precautions were being taken but they weren't or if it was an accident and he said as soon as he knew they were pregnant that he does not want the child then, no he shouldn't have to pay as it is solely the woman's choice to bring the child into the world.

This is one of those threads where you have already made up your mind so why bother posting

If you're so sure you're right why did you bother posting?

Well dont claim then?

You haven't really explained your reasoning OP. Could you?

They chose to have sex knowing it could result in pregnancy and therefore a baby

Maintenance and contact is completely separate. It's not like Pay to View for TV.

The child is entitled to have both parents paying for their upbringing. Both parents should be involved financially and ideally emotionally.

Why don't you think the absent parent should ensure their child is financially supported?

I think it should only depend on the financial circumstances of the resident parent.

Can you afford to give that child any lifestyle they want on your own, and a launch in to adulthood?

if yes, then fine don’t claim as per the responses above about not wanting any connection at all.

if no, then you are doing your child an enormous disservice to not claim. If you are making the decision on their behalf that you will have no money to spend on swimming lessons for them, because you’re being stubborn and not claiming, then that is not remotely fair on the child.

Are you claiming any benefits? If so, why should the taxpayer pay when you think that dad shouldn’t?

Why wouldn’t you save the money and give it to your child when older?

What are the circumstances of his conception? For example are you guilty that ds is a product of a one night stand ?

Creating a life comes with responsibilities. It’s not the same as not paying for a loan to another person.

It's your children's money and they're entitled to it. If you don't want it then put it in a bank account for them for when they're 18. I don't know why you'd take that from them just so you can what? Have some sort of weird misplaced moral superiority for not claiming?

Because they had unprotected sex which they knew could have resulted in a child, and should therefore take responsibility for their choices and actions. Ideally they would be a decent person and actually bother to see their child and help raise them, but in lieu of that financial support is the bare minimum.

I don’t think there is a one size fits all all answer it’s a case by case decision there too many variables

Is the mother well off? Can she afford absolutely everything needed to provide a good lifestyle for those children? Without claiming benefits.. Whatever it may be or, by refusing to take maintenance from the father of her children, will she need to say ‘no’ to say, activities, hobbies, nice clothes etc. Parties, treats, christmasses, all the things that children love?

In other words, is her refusal to claim maintenance cutting off her children’s noses to spite their innocent faces?

Now, unless a man has been told that a woman 100% cannot possibly ever have children because she has no womb or some such, then it’s entirely irrelevant whether he wants involvement or not because the minute his sperm burst from his loins he will have known there was a possibility of pregnancy and this, children, won’t he?

It should always be centered on the child. Both parents have a responsibility to provide for their child, regardless of contact arrangements.

Is the child missing out because only one parent is supporting them financially? How will the child feel when they discover not only did their father not want to see them, but he also failed to step up and support them financially?

My ex didn’t want to see our daughter and didn’t pay maintenance. We were both working overseas at the time, so no CMS. I chose not to go through whatever channels might have been available, partly because I wanted to return to the UK at some point and it was easier because he had no interest or relationship with her. I’ve never regretted not claiming BUT I had a good career and didn’t need his money.

What do you mean. Don’t agree? It’s hardly a moral dilemma. You do you. Most women recognise that children are no cheaper to raise just because the feckless dad is dodging responsibly.

meN who don’t see their kids are scum.

Well quite.

It's the content of your posts that makes me think it.

Either way if you don't want to claim it, it's got nothing to do with anyone else 🤷‍♂️

Wether he wants to be involved or not there's a child to bring up, they're not cheap.

Claim.