Asked my Ex to buy a second pair of school shoes

104 replies

Blackraven17 · 20/09/2026 11:22

My daughter is with me 60 percent of the time, 40 with her dad.
last year I was constantly getting phone calls late at night asking for her school shoes when she was staying at his and needing them the next day. I suggested several times he buys a second pair to have at his and he never did.
this year I took her get her shoes and she has reached a age where she is extremely fussy, we must of tried on about 30 pairs. Finally found a pair of hush puppies she approved of and found comfortable.
i sent him the link and said can you please purchase a pair so she always has a pair to wear whatever house she is in which we know she will like. He begrudgingly bought them.
he is now kicking off at me this morning as she has gone to his with school uniform for tomorrow and has MY pair of shoes not his, the ones he specifically bought. They are the exact same pair of shoes..
claiming it was a waste of money and he shouldn’t of had to buy any. FYI I buy 99 percent of her belongings and he has no issue in me buying her a phone etc and taking her on holidays etc, where he can’t be bothered to and would rather spend the money he has ( he is not struggling) on himself and his new partner on weekends away etc, he has never once suggested doing that for his daughter even before his partner was around.
I have said if he is that worried he can come over and swap them. Am i unreasonable to have suggested he bought a pair?

OP posts:

WherestheTrombolese · 20/09/2026 21:27

Blackraven17 · 20/09/2026 20:49

It’s so weird isn’t it.. I find this across mumsnet though, some people will defend awful ex’s/dads to no end..
I know I found it a bit creepy to be honest 😅

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I’m not one to defend the Men at all costs and for what it’s worth him wanting ‘his’ shoes is ridiculous.

However, your OP reads like you keep forgetting the shoes and are fed up of getting messages telling you you forgot the shoes.
Instead of putting something in place to fix the problem that you forgetting them creates, you want your ex to fix it by buying extra shoes.

fuckeditupbadly · 20/09/2026 21:42

No, the OP is more about the pettiness of her ex wanting HIS pair of identical shoes in the bag. Honestly, when you do 99% of bloody everything and the only thing your ex ever comments on is one the thing you occasionally mess up, it gets very v wearing.

WaitingForMojo · 20/09/2026 21:51

I don’t see how a second pair of shoes solves the problem?

It’s just as easy to end up with 2 pairs in one of the houses as it is to forget a pair in the first place?

She goes to dad’s from school wearing one pair of shoes, leaving pair 2 at mum’s. Returns to mum’s wearing pair 1, then goes to dad’s on a Sunday leaving both pairs at mum’s? You still have to remember school shoes?

Original poster

Blackraven17 · 21/09/2026 08:38

Soontobe60 · 20/09/2026 20:58

‘Pre teens’ shouldn’t be having phones.

It’s a pity that both parents cannot sort this out amicably. It’s not your child’s responsibility at her age (9?) to ensure everything she needs is packed. Myself and my ex managed very well to make sure everything she needed for school got packed. We did have our own sets of uniform but coats and shoes travelled between houses. Her swap over day was Saturday, so on Friday night I would get her bag packed and leave it by the front door.

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She’s not 9, she’s 11. And I don’t remember the point of this post being should pre teens have phones.
and good for you, I don’t have the same set up as you though and likely a very different ex husband so not sure that your experience means anything to this post.

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