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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was I the asshole?

109 replies

BadLayout · 19/09/2026 17:53

I’m on holiday in a European country.

Stopped at a tourist site that’s free to enter, and open air (so not a museum etc.).
The site contains a number of items of interest- let’s say they’re sculptures.

Lots of tourists wandering around, going from sculpture to sculpture, taking photos etc.

I got to a particular sculpture which is quite large and round and there weren’t many people at it. I was looking at it for a few second. Spotted a man at the other side of the sculpture waving at me. I cocked my head towards him to see what he wanted and he gestured to show that he wanted to take a photo but wanted me to move out of the way (literally flapped his wrist in a “shoo” motion and pointed to where I should stand instead) so I wouldn’t be in the way. I said it’s fine, I don’t mind if I’m in the background, and he said he wanted me to move because he just wanted a photo of the sculpture without anyone in it.

I laughed and stayed where I was until I was ready to move away and see the next sculpture.

He got very irate when I wouldn’t move, and started gesturing in quite an animated way for me to move out of his frame.

Interestingly, just as I was leaving, another man came along and the first man didn’t ask him to move at all.

Was IBU? Because I think that, if you’re a tourist amongst tourists at a busy sightseeing spot, you don’t get to dictate where people can and cannot stand.

OP posts:
BlueandtheGodofMischief · 19/09/2026 18:50

I'd have moved if he'd asked but shooing motions ... sod that.

BadLayout · 19/09/2026 18:48

rwalker · 19/09/2026 18:39

Just get the chip off your shoulder and be nice cost absolutely nothing
by the time you’d spent interacting you could of moved

But why is it my job to interrupt my sightseeing for his benefit? He was at a very busy tourist destination in the middle of the day. The place was teeming with people. Should everyone have emptied out of the area until he packed up his tripod?

Would you take your phone out in Trafalgar Square and expect everyone to empty out so you could get a snap?

OP posts:
BadLayout · 19/09/2026 18:44

KingscoteStaff · 19/09/2026 18:43

Giant Redwood?

Nope. I’ve seen them in California and they’re amazing. Don’t think we have any in Europe?

OP posts:
KingscoteStaff · 19/09/2026 18:43

Giant Redwood?

MadGoodAndCompletelySafeToKnow · 19/09/2026 18:42

What he needs is Magic Eraser!

BadLayout · 19/09/2026 18:42

For the record, I took a photo without asking him to move. I just looked and he’s not even visible in it.

OP posts:
UniquePinkSwan · 19/09/2026 18:41

I wouldn’t have moved because of he way he acted

BadLayout · 19/09/2026 18:40

bunnypenny · 19/09/2026 18:38

This isn’t what happened though.

Wasn’t it?

Because within ten second of arriving at something, I was being told to move.

OP posts:
Squirrelsnut · 19/09/2026 18:39

ToadRage · 19/09/2026 18:25

I think it was quite rude of you to not move away so he could take a nice photo. It the place was crowded it may not have been a problem but you were the only one spoiling his picture and YATA.

Why couldn't he have waited a few seconds?

BadLayout · 19/09/2026 18:39

TeenLifeMum · 19/09/2026 18:34

If I see someone taking a photo, I just politely move out of the way. Seems less normal these days but it’s the polite thing to do in my mind. Saying you don’t mind being in his photo made me laugh. Went on earth did you think he’d want you in his photo?

I know I’ve said it’s a sculpture, but the thing we were both looking at was a naturally occurring object and quite big so me being in the photo really wouldn’t have been a photo “of” me. I can’t imagine that anyone looking at the photo would have taken any notice of the fact that there was a person somewhere in it. Because I was standing at roughly a 180° angle from him, I’m also not convinced that I would have been in any photo he took- the thing we were looking at was taller and wider than a person.

OP posts:
rwalker · 19/09/2026 18:39

Just get the chip off your shoulder and be nice cost absolutely nothing
by the time you’d spent interacting you could of moved

bunnypenny · 19/09/2026 18:38

BadLayout · 19/09/2026 18:22

Genuinely- why?

Why is a woman allowed to look at something for a maximum length of time determined by a man?

This isn’t what happened though.

C152 · 19/09/2026 18:38

This reminds me of the queues of people waiting to get a photo at the top of Snowdon. I think we're generally too obsessed with taking photos now. It's more important to actually be in the moment than take a photo of the moment. You were enjoying seeing the object. Why couldn't he wait until you'd finished viewing it to take his all important photo?

TeenLifeMum · 19/09/2026 18:35

BadLayout · 19/09/2026 18:22

Genuinely- why?

Why is a woman allowed to look at something for a maximum length of time determined by a man?

I’m all for feminism and hate misogyny but this has zero to do with your sex. He probably didn’t ask the man who came as you’d responded so poorly he didn’t want further confrontation.

TeenLifeMum · 19/09/2026 18:34

If I see someone taking a photo, I just politely move out of the way. Seems less normal these days but it’s the polite thing to do in my mind. Saying you don’t mind being in his photo made me laugh. Went on earth did you think he’d want you in his photo?

Dearg · 19/09/2026 18:30

Well I think he was an asshole to ‘shoo you’ away; but if he had actually asked politely, I would have moved. And if he was getting irate, I would have explained that the ‘shoo-ing’ motion was very rude of him.

So I guess I am saying that you were not unreasonable given his underlying rudeness.

ToadRage · 19/09/2026 18:25

I think it was quite rude of you to not move away so he could take a nice photo. It the place was crowded it may not have been a problem but you were the only one spoiling his picture and YATA.

rubyslippers · 19/09/2026 18:24

I wouldn’t have moved immediately
you’re as entitled to look and enjoy the sculpture as much as he is
he can wait for a picture
in a gallery / museum there’s other people 🤷‍♀️

ShannonMacFarland · 19/09/2026 18:24

Nah. I'd gladly move if someone asks politely, but as soon as they command me I'm settling in for the long haul. Sod 'em.

BadLayout · 19/09/2026 18:22

GlosGirl82 · 19/09/2026 18:20

Yes - you were

Genuinely- why?

Why is a woman allowed to look at something for a maximum length of time determined by a man?

OP posts:
GlosGirl82 · 19/09/2026 18:20

Yes - you were

BadLayout · 19/09/2026 18:18

Badleg89 · 19/09/2026 17:57

Ive said you are being unreasonable because where would be the harm in moving over a little? Just a nice thing to do

But do I need to be nice to a man who was not being nice to me?

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 19/09/2026 18:07

I used to live in a tourist town.

at first I moved out of the way but honestly after the first year it’s just so fucking annoying and you only want to do your shopping so now I don’t

most of the other residents don’t either.

BadLayout · 19/09/2026 18:06

Ponoka7 · 19/09/2026 17:58

@Raquelos what if you both don't speak the same language?

Is there a language where shooing someone with a hand motion is acceptable?

OP posts:
BadLayout · 19/09/2026 18:05

MellowSubmarine · 19/09/2026 17:58

I wouldn’t have asked someone to move, but would have no issue moving if someone asked me.

Would you consider someone waving their wrist/hand at you (very much in a “shoo” motion) to be asking, though?

Probably should have made it clearer in my opening post but he wasn’t being nice about it- he was literally shooing me away. If he’d smiled/asked, I’d have moved. I travel a lot and usually try to live and let live, but the way he was motioning me to get a it of his shot really annoyed me.

And I was probably at the sculpture for max 10 seconds before I saw he was gesturing.

OP posts:
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