Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say getting married to protect your finance is a joke

256 replies

bebanjo · 18/09/2026 23:32

Been married 20 years house fully paid for. He’s divorcing me, his moved in with new partner. He’s severed the joint tenants, refuses mediation now has about 2 weeks to live.

OP posts:
ThatHangryRubyReader · 19/09/2026 08:19

MeowDoku · 19/09/2026 08:17

When my mum and dad separated but still owned the family home jointly they severed the joint tenancy to tenants in common, they still both own half, both have wills that say on their death their half hours to me and my brother and the other parent has a lifetime interest so cannot be forced to move. You have no idea what he's done. His half isn't yours you are separated, also the man has 2 weeks to live and this is your concern? What about your children? They are about to lose their father

Don't shame her in anyway for worry about this. This man has betrayed her severely. She has no way to even get closure. This man is very evil. I have no sympathy. May OP be his last thought and my he be torched every moment realising what he has done to his family.

Somethinggg · 19/09/2026 08:19

PinkCatCushion · 19/09/2026 08:11

I thought people could leave their money to whoever they wanted? They can give it all to the Dogs Home if they want surely?

Inheritance Act 1975 allows some categories of relative to bring a claim on a will that didn't make reasonable financial provision for them. Spouse is one of them. This is what people are talking about upthread when they mention challenging the will, and courts usually finding that reasonable provision for a spouse is what they'd have got in a divorce. Unmarried partners can only do it if they've lived with the dead person for 2 years, which this woman hasn't so no issue there.

That said, as a pp pointed out, going to court is obviously a long and arduous process. OP should certainly get advice but if she has her 50% of the property plus his pension (falls outside the will) she might feel that's sufficient.

MeowDoku · 19/09/2026 08:17

bebanjo · 19/09/2026 00:03

The fact that it’s gone to the trouble of severing the tenancy at all means he must have something in mind for what he wants to do with it and the fact that he hasn’t seen his daughter since he moved in with this woman makes me think he’s not really got her in mind.

When my mum and dad separated but still owned the family home jointly they severed the joint tenancy to tenants in common, they still both own half, both have wills that say on their death their half hours to me and my brother and the other parent has a lifetime interest so cannot be forced to move. You have no idea what he's done. His half isn't yours you are separated, also the man has 2 weeks to live and this is your concern? What about your children? They are about to lose their father

lazyarse123 · 19/09/2026 08:15

PinkCatCushion · 19/09/2026 08:11

I thought people could leave their money to whoever they wanted? They can give it all to the Dogs Home if they want surely?

They can leave their money how like what they shouldn't do is give away a house that they didn't fully own and has legally managed to steal it from the op.

ThatHangryRubyReader · 19/09/2026 08:14

nofacenonamenonumber · 19/09/2026 06:46

Your partner of 20 years has 2 weeks to live and all you are concerned with is what he does with his money.
You have an opportunity to be better than this

OH sod off. Her husband of 20 years has cheated on her and is now trying to destroy her in his final moments. He is a horrid man and now his wife has to live with being betrayed on every level. OP you have my complete sympathy.

Fantomfartflinger · 19/09/2026 08:13

bebanjo · 18/09/2026 23:54

She will also get his pension, car and any other money I don’t know about.
if it had gone to divorce he would have had to declare it. Now it’s jus left in his will,

Could he be wanting to leave everything to his child? It seems more likely than to this woman,

PinkCatCushion · 19/09/2026 08:11

I thought people could leave their money to whoever they wanted? They can give it all to the Dogs Home if they want surely?

Somethinggg · 19/09/2026 08:08

bebanjo · 19/09/2026 07:59

You have no idea what has gone on inthe past 18 months,
i have not seen him or spoken to him since February.

Don't dignify any of that nonsense with a reply OP. You have yours and your daughter's security to think of. Make yourself a checklist.

  • Do nothing at all to cooperate with or speed the divorce up.
  • Pension, as a pp said you can contact the scheme shortly after he dies letting them know you're still married and want to claim.
  • House- sounds like you would own 50% even if he has changed his will and for whatever reason you don't challenge that. So do NOT go anywhere at all. If you end up needing to move and buy somewhere else, there may be a lump sum from the pension coming.
  • Think about speaking to a solicitor for advice on how to challenge the will. As others have said, typically the courts have regarded reasonable provision as what you'd have got in a divorce.
edwinbear · 19/09/2026 08:07

OP please do take legal advice, but contesting a will, even as a spouse with a long marriage behind you, still makes it difficult, expensive and stressful. My mum spent 2 years contesting dad’s, legal fees ended up at about £50k, and ultimately, the house still had to be sold and half the proceeds given to OW. They did have a large house, so there was sufficient equity for it to be sold and still buy mum her own smaller house, outright.

Dad had left a relatively small sum to DSis and I to discharge his responsibilities to us - although we were older than your DD, in our 30’s with our own husbands, houses and careers so it was practically impossible to claim we were still dependent on him.

The law, only considers the legality of what he’s done, rather than trying to correct his poor moral judgement. Mum’s solicitor acknowledged he’d behaved appallingly, but his will had been correctly drawn up so it had to stand. He too died from cancer, very quickly (he died 2 weeks after being diagnosed with liver cancer) and suffered from depression. He had recently been taken off Prozac and this all happened quite suddenly after that was withdrawn. Mum tried the lack of capacity angle but it’s incredibly difficult to prove.

I’m really not trying to be negative, but as someone who has seen this situation play out first hand, just wanted to say how it worked out for our family. Dad died in 2008 and mum was left reeling for many years, it also affected how Dsis and I remember him. But she is now in her own lovely home, secure financially with his full pension being paid to her. And most importantly, she’s still alive enjoying her children and grandchildren, whilst he’s 6 foot under.

lazyarse123 · 19/09/2026 08:05

nofacenonamenonumber · 19/09/2026 06:46

Your partner of 20 years has 2 weeks to live and all you are concerned with is what he does with his money.
You have an opportunity to be better than this

He had an opportunity to be better than this and chose not to. He's acted appallingly. What exactly is the value in being the better person?

Chanberry · 19/09/2026 08:03

HE'S, not his.

bebanjo · 19/09/2026 07:59

nofacenonamenonumber · 19/09/2026 06:46

Your partner of 20 years has 2 weeks to live and all you are concerned with is what he does with his money.
You have an opportunity to be better than this

You have no idea what has gone on inthe past 18 months,
i have not seen him or spoken to him since February.

OP posts:
bozzabollix · 19/09/2026 07:58

nofacenonamenonumber · 19/09/2026 06:46

Your partner of 20 years has 2 weeks to live and all you are concerned with is what he does with his money.
You have an opportunity to be better than this

This is the OP’s financial future, he’s completely tried to wreck her, sod him.

allthingsinmoderation · 19/09/2026 07:54

Get legal advice to know how best to proceed,this sounds an unusual set of circumstances.
You must be feeling shocked on many levels.

MalteserGeezee · 19/09/2026 07:53

Unfortunately it's not unusual for people to have massive personality changes when terminally ill, and make catastrophically bad decisions that will cast a long shadow for decades to come. You will be married when he dies, which will absolutely count for something when it comes to discharging his assets. His disregard for his child in these circumstances tells me he isn't thinking straight, any good parent would be expending their last drops of energy to make this death as untraumatising as possible for their kids by getting their financial affairs in order and leaving as much certainty and security as possible so as not to cause additional stress in terrible circumstances.

[Edited for typos]

ShutupLwren · 19/09/2026 07:53

I can’t imagine having so little self respect and shame that I’d take money from a new partner that could be used for his wife and child. I knew of a man who married within months of becoming a widower and his new wife inherited everything when he died. His own son got absolutely nothing. She’s dead now and her DD inherited a detached 5 bed house in an affluent area. The poor fella who got nothing lost his family home. His poor mum would have been heartbroken.
We read here constantly women in their long term relationships won’t remarry new partners so their children won’t lose inheritance and yet men, men will rather appease a woman they’ve known 2 weeks and piss all over their previous lives. Really is rotten. @bebanjo I hope you get absolutely everything.

Somethinggg · 19/09/2026 07:35

You're going to be in a better position to contest the will married than you would be as an unmarried partner.

Vanillaicelatte · 19/09/2026 07:11

CombatBarbie · 19/09/2026 00:14

So i can just go sever mine without informing my ex or getting him to sign anything??

Yes you can
its very easy to do
and you don’t even legally have to tell the other person you have done it

Releasemeplease · 19/09/2026 07:09

nofacenonamenonumber · 19/09/2026 06:46

Your partner of 20 years has 2 weeks to live and all you are concerned with is what he does with his money.
You have an opportunity to be better than this

Sorry but just because he has weeks to live doesn't automatically make him a good man. You have no idea how he behaved in their relationship. And his actions in his last months don't paint a good picture of him . OP is right to want to protect her financial situation going forward.

Vanillaicelatte · 19/09/2026 07:09

bebanjo · 18/09/2026 23:47

Well yes I will ring a solicitor on Monday. But if he has made a will, which I’m sure he has, his done everything else. It’s an inheritance issue. Legally I’ll be his widow and she will get all his assets.

You can definitely split / change the deeds from joint Tennant to -50 -50

my parents did this when doing there wills and setting up a lifetime interest trust

TheBlueKoala · 19/09/2026 07:04

nofacenonamenonumber · 19/09/2026 06:46

Your partner of 20 years has 2 weeks to live and all you are concerned with is what he does with his money.
You have an opportunity to be better than this

Well he screwed her over big time emotionally and financially so why would she care about him?

PosiePerkinPootleFlump · 19/09/2026 07:00

His pension is not covered by his will. He can fill in an ‘expression of wishes’ form but the trustees don’t have to follow it. If you have been married for many years and his mistress has been seeing him for a few months, it is highly unlikely they would award her the pension. But get in touch with them as soon as possible after his death and explain the circumstances- being clear that you are still married to him

CossyBunt · 19/09/2026 06:48

I am so sorry OP that you and your daughter are going through this. He sounds fucking awful. I see his cock was still on high alert throughout all this. Last bit to die eh?

You must get legal advice. Even if you don’t inherit, your daughter must, and not some old tart whose been on the scene for 5 mins.

nofacenonamenonumber · 19/09/2026 06:46

Your partner of 20 years has 2 weeks to live and all you are concerned with is what he does with his money.
You have an opportunity to be better than this

Bringemout · 19/09/2026 06:46

I have absolutely no idea about any of this but if you owned the house and cleared the mortgage with your inheritance is it worth talking to a solicitor about this? It’s a fucking awful thing to have done to you and your DD, yeah fine give whats in your bank account to your mistress but he bloody well knows the house is more yours than his.