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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say getting married to protect your finance is a joke

256 replies

bebanjo · 18/09/2026 23:32

Been married 20 years house fully paid for. He’s divorcing me, his moved in with new partner. He’s severed the joint tenants, refuses mediation now has about 2 weeks to live.

OP posts:
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prh47bridge · Yesterday 17:40

Greenismyfavouritecolournow · Yesterday 12:25

Get your daughter to contest the will as his only descendant. I would use his rapid decline in health as evidence they he may have been coerced. You and your daughter shouldn’t have to share what you essentially built up with a random woman he just met. Fight it ! He doesn’t sound like much of a father. Is he still alive?

OP does not need her daughter to contest the will. His rapid decline is not evidence that he has been coerced. If he has made a new will, OP will need more than that to contest it.

As I have pointed out previously, if he has left everything to his new partner OP has a claim under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act which will give her at least as much as she would have got in divorce. However, as she already has half the house, that may not be much.

Greenismyfavouritecolournow · Yesterday 12:25

Get your daughter to contest the will as his only descendant. I would use his rapid decline in health as evidence they he may have been coerced. You and your daughter shouldn’t have to share what you essentially built up with a random woman he just met. Fight it ! He doesn’t sound like much of a father. Is he still alive?

MILLYmo0se · Yesterday 12:13

Hope you ve made some headway re the pensions OP.
In your case ie owning the house before your marriage getting married wasnt going to be a financial protection for you re the home, but it was for him. This advice is usually given to SAHMs and in their case getting married is a protection

Girliegurl · 24/09/2026 13:12

Is he still alive OP? Any updates? 😅🫣

Oopstheregoesanotherhouseplant · 21/09/2026 18:09

Hope you managed to speak to someone OP.

Lurker85 · 20/09/2026 08:03

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 19/09/2026 22:42

Where the fuck did you read it was going to his mistress?

It’s the entire point of the post. She doesn’t know for certain until the will is read but it appears to be his intention

ThatMauveMaker · 19/09/2026 23:13

Is he of sound mind OP? No coersion from new partner to leave assets to her? Discuss this element with your solicitor quickly incase something can be done to prove he doesn't have capacity. Is she younger?
New partner can't sell the house from under you as she needs your signature, but she could go to Court to try and force the sale. That would cost her money to employ a solicitor to do that.

You can submit a copy of his death certificate to Land Registry for free to take his name of your deeds, but it wont erase her entitlement. Wondering whether it would make it harder for her? Chat to your solicitor abt that. There will be a tenants in common restriction on your title now, in theory you should distribute his share of any proceeds in accordance with his Will. But it relies on your honesty! Esp if his name is removed from the title. Ask your solicitor to check what Land Reg do for death of a joint proprietor when a tenants in common restriction is present. I think they will remove his name but the restriction will remain, meaning you should distribute in accordance with the Will. But you could administer it without reference to her (I'm being petty and just wondering whether you can make the admin for her harder, and you would have more control) until you need to pay her. Assuming she is the beneficiary. Could be your daugnter. If not, definitely contest. Good luck. I really hope your daughter inherits.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 19/09/2026 22:43

Oopstheregoesanotherhouseplant · 19/09/2026 16:44

The divorce is underway. There may be things she can do to lay the groundwork or put in a claim. Better to be prepared.

Put in a claim to challenge a will, the contents of which aren't known?

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 19/09/2026 22:42

FrangipaniBlue · 19/09/2026 15:25

He had an affair, severed the joint tenancy on the house without discussing with the OP and is effectively taking half the house that OP paid for along with the share of his pension that the OP would likely have got in the divorce and given it to his mistress.

Not even his child. His mistress.

The fuck sort of be kind planet are you living on??

Where the fuck did you read it was going to his mistress?

Periperi2025 · 19/09/2026 16:57

You don't need to sort this on a weekend, probate is a long winded process, just chill (easier said than done).

You may find that his new girlfriend is actually a human with morals and values who will be concerned about your DDs welfare and doing what is right.

My friends dad (a family well and truely in a different kind of wealth bracket to most of us - high value property & business) tried to cut my friends mum out of the will as she was having an affair, this also created inheritence tax issues and there were half siblings involved too, total mess, my friend (19 at the time) sat down with her mum and a solicitor and unpicked the whole thing, and it all got worked out satisfactorily and fairly in the end. It might not be a quick process but you will get there.

gardenflowergirl · 19/09/2026 16:47

You will still have your half of the house.

Oopstheregoesanotherhouseplant · 19/09/2026 16:44

burnoutbabe · 19/09/2026 16:42

I don’t think there is much point paying for legal advice now. Until a will it produced and you know what is in it what can be done?

The divorce is underway. There may be things she can do to lay the groundwork or put in a claim. Better to be prepared.

burnoutbabe · 19/09/2026 16:42

I don’t think there is much point paying for legal advice now. Until a will it produced and you know what is in it what can be done?

ChristmasCwtch · 19/09/2026 16:12

YANBU. Hopefully he hasn’t written a Will in her favour!

Oopstheregoesanotherhouseplant · 19/09/2026 15:45

bebanjo · 19/09/2026 14:08

Up date from DD, he may not make tell Monday,
I get that I will still get 50%. But so will she and she has done nothing for him, the house or DD to ‘deserve’ it.
i am pissed off, fed up and angry.
yes he would have got 1/2 in the divorce but it’s still very unfair that she gets this.
ok legally he has done nothing wrong but it still hurts.
will I be consumed by this, no.
it may take me sometime to come to terms with it though.
And DD will know he favoured a woman his only known for 6 months over her.

It’s a really shitty if he has prioritised his partner over his daughter and if he hasn’t acknowledged the input you had to the house being paid off, raising his child etc. but men like him don’t tend to. Good luck with the solicitor.

Oopstheregoesanotherhouseplant · 19/09/2026 15:41

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 19/09/2026 13:52

Enlightened self interest? Bitterness and hatred can be corrosive and if you can't move on from that OP will be the loser.

She can move on without forgiving him or making peace with him. You can let go of anger without forgiving. I’m getting A LOT of practice at doing just that currently. I will never forgive my ex for what he’s done. The choices he’s made and the impact it’s had on me and DC. But whenever I catch myself feeling anger and resentment I try and let the feeling go and focus on the here and now and living well. I hope that the OP can do similar but she has no need to forgive him for his sake. He’s cooked his goose.

FrangipaniBlue · 19/09/2026 15:25

nofacenonamenonumber · 19/09/2026 06:46

Your partner of 20 years has 2 weeks to live and all you are concerned with is what he does with his money.
You have an opportunity to be better than this

He had an affair, severed the joint tenancy on the house without discussing with the OP and is effectively taking half the house that OP paid for along with the share of his pension that the OP would likely have got in the divorce and given it to his mistress.

Not even his child. His mistress.

The fuck sort of be kind planet are you living on??

alcovecupboards · 19/09/2026 15:23

W0tnow · 19/09/2026 15:21

OP, iirc, a pension does not form part of an estate, and the trustees determine to whom it is bequeathed. It’s a separate process to what is stated in the will regarding division of assets.

Edited

The trustees are also under no obligation to follow his directive if he has changed it to his mistress from his wife. Does he have death in service, OP?

W0tnow · 19/09/2026 15:21

OP, iirc, a pension does not form part of an estate, and the trustees determine to whom it is bequeathed. It’s a separate process to what is stated in the will regarding division of assets.

TheSquareMile · 19/09/2026 15:18

@bebanjo

Which region of the UK do you live in, OP?

PuzzledObserver · 19/09/2026 15:17

Not RTFT, only OP’s posts.

So sorry about all this, OP. To add to all the advice about seeing a solicitor I would add: contact the trustees of your husband’s pension scheme.

He may have made an expression of wish in favour of the OW, but that is not binding. The trustees decide who any survivor’s pension goes to. They may well look favourably on the needs of a wife of 20 years and a 19 year old daughter compared to those of a partner of 6 months, irrespective of him making a declaration of wish to her.

AprilMizzel · 19/09/2026 15:14

If anyone knows a solicitor that works weekends let me know, otherwise I can’t do anything tell Monday.

Well no they won't be there till Monday but I'd be making a list of solitors now - and trying to find one with the specailist background in my area with on-line searches - so can get in touch via e-mail over weekend in hope of a Monday reply or so I could phone first thing monday to get first urgent appointment.

I'd also write out a clear as summary as posible of sitution and finding out any documents I may need and have - so I was as ready as I could be at start of the week though it may take some time to get an appointment with one.

prh47bridge · 19/09/2026 14:52

bebanjo · 19/09/2026 14:30

If anyone knows a solicitor that works weekends let me know, otherwise I can’t do anything tell Monday.
some of you are right, I have nothing idea what his will says, but knowing how he has been with DD these past few months it’s very unlikely she is going to benefit.
we didn’t find out about his illness tell Thursday when he was moving to the hospice, he has been awake for only a few moments at a time, can’t really ask him anything

As per my previous posts, if he has made a will leaving everything to his new partner you will be able to make a claim against his estate under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975. You will get at least as much as you would have got in divorce. However, that may not be much given that you already have half the house.

As you have been married 20 years, the house is regarded as an asset of the marriage to be split between you. This would be true even if it was just in your name. The starting point would be a 50/50 split of the assets, but there are various factors that could lead to you getting a larger or smaller share. A solicitor will be able to advise the likely split in your divorce. You will then be able to decide if it is worth pursuing a claim against his estate.

bebanjo · 19/09/2026 14:30

If anyone knows a solicitor that works weekends let me know, otherwise I can’t do anything tell Monday.
some of you are right, I have nothing idea what his will says, but knowing how he has been with DD these past few months it’s very unlikely she is going to benefit.
we didn’t find out about his illness tell Thursday when he was moving to the hospice, he has been awake for only a few moments at a time, can’t really ask him anything

OP posts:
Pearwoman · 19/09/2026 14:25

I would ensure you get legal advice. He must make provision for you and the daughter. So challenge it.

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