Mum guilt - wraparound care

Lots of children at the school we use are in wraparound care 5 days a weeks.

I’m sorry, I know how tricky it is when they’re little and you’re split in two trying to manage work and kids. Does she like wraparound care when she goes for four days a week, currently? If she likes it, and you’re just worried about losing one days extra flexibility, I wouldn’t worry as much, she may find it easier to keep the same routine every school day

I remember the guilt.

My dc are teens now and I can confidently say it didn't negatively impact them. And investing in my career was well worth it!

It depends on the child, is your child happy to go or are they upset?

My DC hated the breakfast club and so I asked to adjust my hours to send them to the afternoon club instead which they loved, their friends went to and they got fed. It was more expensive but worth it.

I wouldn’t automatically jump to feeling guilty, this is about how your child is feeling.

My DDs really enjoyed wraparound care. It gave them extra time with friends and, in all honesty, was probably better for them than coming home. They played outside a lot of the time, no screens.

At that age, they are pretty good at being looked after by any appropriate person. It's actually when they get older that you can't really get someone else to look after them. Once they are secondary age, they need you and childcare both doesn't exist and wouldn't really substitute for a parent. Not necessarily immediately after school, but in the evenings and weekends, particularly to help them navigate the complexities of being a teenager.

Agree that the question is does she like it there? DD does 5 days of after school club. A few of her friends are regular attendees, so for her it feels like a play date. She gets cross if picked up early and she's in the middle of a game. But I know I'm lucky in that. If she hated it, it would be a much more difficult choice. Also they do get very tired in Reception and it can take a while to build their stamina.

This OP. My kids want breakfast club and afterschool everyday. They enjoy it. Its play time for them. But even if your child doesnt completely love it, sometimes a parent has to do what they have to do. What is realistic for you in terms of adjusting your work times or working fewer days. If not, then forgive yourself. Whatever you are doing its out of love and best interests. And working to earn a living is sort of out of your control. You have to. You are not choosing it as a hobby (Even then, parents need hobbies to stay sane)

I had this plus other care as both parents worked long hours - I’m super proud of what they did and think it teaches kids an important lesson that things dont come for free

Providing a sound financial base for your children is fantastic parenting, OP. Don't forget that.

Both my kids were in ft childcare from under 1 year of age. Wrap around morning and after school for 5 days. I had to financially.

They are now young adults and are absolutely brilliant in every way. Settled, happy, hard working, grateful for what they have, and we are extremely close.

Oh please, please don’t feel bad or guilty. As others have said, you being financially secure is going to benefit your DD way more than any impact of an extra (or indeed any) days in wrap around care.

If you have a flexible job that means you can work from home or be flexible about when you work, then use that flexibility to skip breakfast club on the odd day or pick up earlier from after school club. That’s what I did, but really helped to know that if I needed it 5 days a week I had wrap around care in a location that my DC knew, were very happy in, and loved going to.

My DD was in wraparound care throughout nursery and primary. As a single parent I had no choice in the matter so guilt didn’t come into it but it used to enrage me when people posted things on here like “why bother having children if you only farm them out to childcare”.

She’s now nearly 16 and happy, healthy, doing well at school and very well adjusted with a great group of friends. And we get on like a house on fire.

Now when I read these sorts of statements on Mumsnet and elsewhere I just feel quietly vindicated. I strongly suspected at the time that it was spiteful trolling and not based on any meaningful evidence about children’s outcomes in childcare and now I wonder why I gave it so much headspace.

OP its totally understandable to struggle with these feelings. It feels unnatural and its a huge wrench with a small child. But know that you are doing the right thing for your child bt working to support them and support their financial stability and know you will both be fine. There’s enough pressure on you without you feeling guilty. Guilt has no place in this equation so don’t give it airtime.

I'm in exactly the same position and feel the same as you.
I saw someone say
"As a kid I dont remember going to breakfast and clubs after school, but i do remember i was loved, provided for and the holidays/experiences we were able to afford because my parents worked full time."
I guess it also makes the time you spend together extra special, as you'll be less preoccupied with anxieties about finances etc etc., and give them your all as you'll have missed them throughout the week.

Holding on to this!! Hope it can help you too.