AIBU to ask how parents prepare older teens for work?

I had no involvement at all, but I did pay for flights when older DD had been offered a job abroad. Younger DD specifically asked me not to get involved when I came up with suggestions. She got sorted very quickly as a TA- nothing to do with her degree, but it was an OK starting point (first class degree, RG university and a masters). Had already been working since she was 16. I had helped when she was that age, creating a CV etc.

They should already be in work if they are young adults.

Its exactly the opposite ime too many peole chasing too few jobs at all levels.

Isn’t part of the problem that many young people (and their parents) won’t even consider low status jobs - pot washing, shelf stacking, cleaning etc at unsocial hours? So many expect to walk straight into a well paid job in a nice office with easy hours. That’s no way to develop a work ethic.

I dont think that they need special skills for most entry level work beyond the types of things we should be teaching them anyway.

Its more evidencing they have these things that can be a challenge so I guess supporting volunteering is a good help.

Its very hard finding work though, doing cvs and interviews and tasks and I think these need support as they are a specific skill set that is often completely irrelevant to the job itself.

I dont think trying to gane the system works when there is a poor market for employment. You need more than academics plus the easy extras (many of which come from priviledge). If you dont have a network to supply you have to really stand out.

Despite living on their phones, many young people are actually quite unconfident on the phone when its not a conversation with their mates. And they find public facing difficult. Some are pushed into "well paid industries" by well meaning parents when they have no passion or necessarily obvious aptitude for it. Its those things that help one stand out in a hard market

I was very tight with their allowances for a start.

Then made them volunteer from a young age (accompanying other adults to start with) - walking dogs for a local charity and helping with community food bank via church.

Worked from 14 pot washing then worked up to waitoring and bar work among other volunteering work. Got onto bank admin at 17.

Had no problem getting paid work to date and now in early 20s. Learning team work and dealing with conflict was really the biggest payoff IMO.

I didn’t at all mean to imply that!

Your job is to try your best to turn out a well rounded adult, I was replying to a post that implied a parent didn’t need to prepare a child. You do need to give them all the tools, but they need to choose if to use them.

My kids all worked for a hospitality contracting company at weekends from the age of 15. They were young enough to appreciate the personal income and we encouraged them by making it a thing the first time they bought a round of drinks when we went out as a family - ‘first step towards being adult’ kind of thing. By the time they went off to uni,they were experienced waiters, bartenders and kitchen workers, so they worked through uni. They knew all about tax and NI and how to budget and manage banking. One started doing call centre work for a bank and ended up as shift supervisor before he graduated. One did part time PA admin for a lawyer around uni work. One worked as an accounts clerk for a small business in the evenings and at weekends. One started out at uni as a bartender and ended up managing the bar during a year out. By the time they were looking for graduate jobs, they had very healthy CVs, and all walked straight into good jobs, one with a generous golden handshake.

My dd did a levels in the summer. As she was finishing up doing her exams i was busy applying for retail jobs on her behalf. She had a job paying living wage the following week. She had to do the actual interview and all the online tests but I searched for roles and filled in the application forms. There weren’t that many open roles though.

Not not at all sadly, I agree we should try, I have other younger children now and I still
do very much but in all respects and yes I do see the positive impact of doing so. However I resent the assumption that if you don’t get the perfect functioning adult at the age of 18 then it’s because you failed as a parent. Just as I can’t take all the credit for how amazingly one child turned out, I tried bloody hard with the other one from the off and no one who has known us since they were born holds me responsible as they know how hard I tried

I work with secondary pupils and part of my remit includes employability and preparing those not planning further education, for the world of work. It is HARD. It is so obvious who has had a part-time job and who hasn’t. Some of the sessions are really challenging because many of the pupils just don’t get it and don’t care, and that’s from someone who desperately wants them to succeed!

We also get a lot of feedback from employers that pupils just aren’t work ready. It’s really hard but they seem to be a lot less prepared than I was (and my peers) at the same age.

It would be great for pupils to get some volunteering or work experience while still in school to prepare them for when they leave. It is also valuable for going into further education too!

It would also be good to help young people identify their skills and experiences and how they can help. It’s amazing how often they don’t realise their skills are transferable so just recognising that and letting them know, would also help them.

Out of interest do the kids have much contact with their fathers? Because maybe they’re just learning from them too?

I agree you don’t get to shape your child’s personality, but you do get to give them skills and tools to use. They might choose not to implement those skills and tools, but it’s not good parenting to not even bother because you can’t force them to do anything.

I agree but I bought up children (different fathers) and much as I tried to impart these skills to them, one ended up being dreadful with money etc (quite like their father) The other absolutely amazing with money (in fact far better than me) unsurprisingly their father’s family are also all fantastic with money. In so many respects my efforts at a range of life skills seemed a dip in the ocean of influence compared to their natural
inclinations. I’m not saying what parents do doesn’t matter but I do very much resent the idea that parents have this unweilding influence (beyond the genes they pass on) as to how their children turn out. My huge efforts with the one child has virtually no impact and I’ve little doubt that my other child would of still turned out as they did regardless of my efforts (not that I had to make much effort with them at all)

I didn’t suggest any micromanaging? Preparing your children for work starts when they’re young, showing them the value of money, contributing to a team, respecting hierarchy, importance of learning, a strong work ethic, an ability to be pro active and problem solve. These are all taught skills that come primarily from parents. You don’t need to write their CV for them, but you absolutely need to prepare them for work.

They are going to spend long enough working to the benefit of other people, there's no way I'm going to start 'preparing them for work' at age 12.

It's like 'preparing for school' - which pretty much exists supposedly to prepare them for work.

How about actually allowing our children some sort of childhood where our adult needs and expectations are not pushed on to them so they can have some period of life without stress and worry?

Where they can run around, roll in the mud and play rather than learn about geopolitics and climate change?

There may or may not be enough work for our children in the future or it may look totally different. Maybe if we let them just enjoy themselves for a bit they actually end up building some useful skills anyway.

Or continue stressing them out from an early age which means they can't cope with work at all - or life.

By making them get a job as young as possible.

I absolutely hate it when parents post on Facebook asking about jobs for their teens or ring/go into companies on their teens behalf. This is what the teens/young adults need to be doing themselves. I wouldn't give a job to a teenager who couldn't ask about jobs themselves and needed mummy to do it.

I enrolled mine into an nplq lifeguarding course as soon as they turned 16, then helped them apply for casual lifeguard roles at local sports centre. They did as many or as few hours as they wanted, fitting it around their school work and other activities.

I also scoured the internet for work experience relevant to their likely paths. DS1 (maths focussed) did an online work experience with a bank in sixth form during Covid years. DS2 did a week in the office with a civil engineering company.

As soon as they started their degrees I set up email alerts for relevant summer internships and encouraged them to apply. DS1 didn't get one in his first summer, but got one in his second summer which eventually turned into a graduate job offer. DS2 got an internship in his first summer and is now starting to apply for internships for summer 2.

I give them as much help with the applications as they will allow me to give. DS1 was pretty independent and preferred to do them himself. DS2 will let me proof read his applications and offer suggestions.

I only send them links to things I think they will be interested in - it cuts out a lot of the noise.

Many parents are not equipped to help their children because they don't understand the current job market or where/when jobs are advertised. Researching this can be helpful. I see it as a team effort.

It's in my interests to get them out the door and into good jobs and homes of their own, so I'm happy to help until the point I feel they no longer benefit from my help.

I try to teach them resilience, how to talk to people, be confident, solve problems. Being able to keep calm in difficult situations, do things that are uncomfortable (DS2 hates going to places or courses where he doesn't know anyone, and I it's important to overcome these fears).
Of course I'm also working on the academic part of things, but that's far from enough today.

Precisely. I was starting to feel like I was living in an alternate universe 😂

Lots of teenagers around here have jobs and their parents do nothing other than give them lifts if needed (we're rural with rubbish public transport). They all found their jobs on their own, applied on their own etc.

But what I'm asking is - what does this preparation look like in real terms?

Because unless you know someone who will employ them, a 16 year old looking for a job just needs to keep applying until they're successful. There's very little you can do as a parent to help them - they just need to keep looking until they're lucky enough to get an interview (and hopefully a job offer).

They don't need mummy and daddy to force them into random activities or volunteer roles. They need to go out there on their own and get on with it. By all means give them lifts to interviews or pay for the bus ticket but otherwise, they're 16 - they can do it on their own

Sorry I’ve got several children/adult DC and I don’t buy this idea that extreme micromanaging creates these perfectly rounded functional adults

I did, but I have no illusions that I was a helicopter parent.

I disagree it's the parent's job, it's the young person's job to get off their bottom apply for jobs and learn how to do interviews. When I was at sixth form I got my own Saturday jobs and made my own applications for university and then for jobs afterwards. I had a bit of help from the careers services, but my parents didn't help me although they supported in other ways like taking me to and from university and paying my air fare for a summer job overseas.

Also I wonder when parents are meant to find time to sit down with their kids and go through applications with them when they have jobs of their own.