What is her problem?!

And why do you think he “sheepishly” told you? He’s loving all the attention you’re giving him over his “horrible” wife.
Your ego allows you to believe his side of chat because it makes you feel important. He’s a playing you - you’re just too arrogant to see it.

As they say on reddit.... ESH.

Big time.

Stop giving this so much emotional energy.
Let her slag you off, it will only matter to people who are influenced by her.. and if they are they aren’t worth your time either

Would you not follow that up if you know she is genuinely ruining chances of promotion and have it out with her in a controlled way ... and separate whatever her husbands doing as that isnt fair on you I understand your feelings.

I wonder what your friend has to say to his wife about her behaviour towards you. Does he stick up for you or her?

Why are you friends with someone who lets their partner ruin your chance of promotion, when you’ve done nothing wrong? That would be the end of the friendship for me unless he encouraged the partner to apologise , corrected it to the manager?

I also wouldn’t be friends with someone who had an affair, no matter how much they moan about the partner. Because essentially I just don’t share that morality so it wouldn’t work out. If you don’t like your partner end it! Fair enough mistakes happen, but after a year of an affair it’s really poor behaviour and morality. So I’d question why you bother with someone like that.

also if you’re the sort of person to help cover up bad behaviour then I think it’s fair the partner doesn’t like you. Because you aren’t a mutual friend or support to their relationship. So her gut is right anout you.

id encourage my friend to tell the truth or end the relationship. But I’d take a step back because I’d question how much he brings to your life!

You don't sound very nice tbh.

You should stop being friends with him because he's a cheating twat, not cos he's a man.

My promotions were blocked for 15 years by a man I barely knew. Someone eventually told me. He'd got a bizarre idea about me from a colleague, which had no basis in reality and wasn't what the colleague said. I had no idea.

I agree, though, @Bupsy17, you're likely investing too much in your friend. Be more circumspect.

@Bupsy17 So you only have your friend's word for it that his wife rubbished your promotion? Interesting. And he's letting you take loads of other shit. Are you sure he's on your side as much as you are on his? I'd be thinking about his motives and this "friendship" a lot more carefully if I was you OP.

Another poster who asks if she is being unreasonable, only to argue that she isn’t throughout the thread 🙄 Why ask?

Why on earth would you want to be “close friends” with such a sleazy tosser?

You genuinely think she had the power to prevent you from being promoted?

Hes already proven himself a cheat and a liar - how do you know what she’s been hearing about you?

You gone across as you dislike her - I bet she’s picked up on this

She sounds right to be suspicious! Because you said it yourself, he IS having an affair, just not with you.

Honestly, I don't know what you intended from this post, but you've just come off sounding like a jealous, toxic 14 year old.

Ha! Or do that!

Agreed. As she's probably sussed out he's up to something, and she was already uncomfortable about the amount of social time you spend together, he can let her think you're the other woman. That'll stop her looking around for further clues.

She doesn't sound like a nice person. However, I worked in what sounds like a very similar industry and most people's partners could've been excused for feeling very insecure and twitchy about work friendships! If I were to advise anything, it would be a consistently positive, yet professional attitude towards this woman. A combative approach won't achieve anything except provide entertainment for others who know either of you.

Why don't you just tell him what his wife's doing, ask him to sort it out as you've done nothing wrong especially to his wife if he says no or won't do anything about the situation, just say to his wife, "look i know you think I'm a threat in your marriage or that you think I'm having an affair with him, but I can honestly say, you're looking at the wrong woman" and walk away..

I think it’s because you kind of sound a bit self important about your friendship with this man. It’s all a bit ‘he’s my work husband’ type of vibe. That may not actually be how you have behaved but it’s sort of giving that feel?
I wonder how this man has spoken about you over the years to his wife. Has he had a bit of mentionitus. Has he been delighted by whatever you gave him for Christmas in the work secret Santa or whatever and that has led her alarm bells to ring (unfairly), and that is what you are experiencing now in terms of her dislike of you. He is actually having an affair and she probably knows he has always had it in him, but she has just attributed it to the wrong person. She has probably felt insecure for years and that’s a horrible way to feel and it makes people angry, possessive and resentful which is being directed unfortunately at you.

If you are honest are you a touch over familiar with him? Have you done it in her presence? I go out with my DH and his work colleagues and one woman repeatedly says things to me like ‘ well you know what DH is like…haha’ . It’s totally harmless, and I choose to find it amusing because she is weirdly trying to get in with me as her bosses wife in a weird and futile attempt to curry favour, but I could find it irritating, as it attempts to imply a deeper relationship or that she has knowledge of him beyond that of a normal colleague relationship. Have you ever done or said anything like that? If her alarm bells are ringing anyway, you would catch it off her, because it would be adding to her unease about his behaviour.

But agree that this whole story doesn’t really hang together

How do you know about all this alleged ‘slating’ of you? Is the source of this information your cheating male friend? If you were supposedly denied a promotion merely based on gossip then you should reflect on how you are perceived by your employers.

You sound vile about her. Angry, judgey, inconsiderate.

She isnt insecure, he husbands a cheating pig shes just focused it on an incorrect target. She thinks its you. Shes right in the wrong place.

Do I agree men and women can be friends. Yes. My best friend is a married man. Do I think if a woman cant trust her husband her husband is the problem, also yes. And if youre getting backlash from her AND hes cheating, hes 50% of your problem.

YABVU to encourage his affairs. She knows hes cheating, forgive her for mistaking you for the OW and tell him to sort his marriage out because you dont deserve the backlash of his affairs or the effect on his wife

Why don’t you mind your own business and stay out of other people’s marriages? It sounds as if you like this man and are trying to have a relationship with him through your “friend”. Grow up and find your own partner.

Is this truly the only friend you have?

I think you like the attention and you like the drama otherwise you would have left this married man alone
It sounds like being associated with him isn't doing anything for your career either

It’s weird that he wants to be friends with someone who doesn’t like his wife and vice versa. It’s also in his interest that he has your loyalty and discretion around his affair. If he upset you it could go very badly for him, I think your friendship might be a bit one sided 🤡