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Original poster

How do I cope and support teen with self harm?

7 replies

Pleaetellmethiswillpass · 18/09/2026 13:35

Post for traffic.

DD16 has been self harming for a year, superficial cuts in her arm. She has a therapist but starting with a new one as new school timings don’t agree with current therapist.

It was ok for a few months but has gone worse since started year 11; she has never been academic, doesn’t like school and experience emotions very strongly.

We offer love? support, encouragement. I don’t know what else to do. It causes me huge anxiety and I feel worry about leaving her alone. I do remain calm, steady and in control when I am with her; but I am breaking inside.

How do I support her and support myself?

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Original poster
Pleaetellmethiswillpass · 18/09/2026 16:14

AnotherDayAnotherWay · 18/09/2026 15:48

DBT is a very well regarded form of therapy for people who self harm, if you are able to I would recommend finding a practitioner privately, as it is sometimes available on NHS but not always and wait might be too long. Mind Reframed are really good, I think they work with adolescents.

I will definitely look at this.

I just had a chat with her and told her we don’t want her to suffer alone and that there are options out there and how can we help her. She didn’t want to say much at this stage.

OP posts:
AnotherDayAnotherWay · 18/09/2026 15:48

DBT is a very well regarded form of therapy for people who self harm, if you are able to I would recommend finding a practitioner privately, as it is sometimes available on NHS but not always and wait might be too long. Mind Reframed are really good, I think they work with adolescents.

Original poster
Pleaetellmethiswillpass · 18/09/2026 15:42

I will ask her if she needs a reduced timetable and how else can I help her

OP posts:
Original poster
Pleaetellmethiswillpass · 18/09/2026 15:41

Thank you. We do things together; had a lovely summer and outings, she has fun with her friends, etc.

OP posts:
JLou08 · 18/09/2026 15:13

Does she have a safety plan and box? Who she can call when feeling low? If not, find the local numbers for mental health services-NHS and charities, let her know she can send you an SOS, for some an emoji can be easier than saying it, so you could agree a certain emoji let's you know she is struggling. Box can include fidgets/sensory toys to distract, elastic bands are useful for some, photos or objects that make them happy.
Speak to school about how to keep pressure low. If she isn't academic there's no point in pushing academics. Explore and ensure she knows there are options for her future that don't require strong academic skills.
Find your local carers service or contact the council, there should be support available for you. It may include peer support groups. Lean on people you trust. I get it's your DDs private info but you do need to be able to talk. These are very specific and impactful parenting experiences

Maybe look at mindful techniques you can do together. Do nice things like walks/painting/spa whatever your both into that can be relaxing and low pressure.

Forgottenmyphone · 18/09/2026 13:43

I think she needs to change schools or take a year out. As she gets towards the end of year 11, teachers are going to be piling more and more pressure on them. I think mental health takes priority over exam results.

Fidgety31 · 18/09/2026 13:41

Advise her to download the Calm Harm app - so she can help herself .

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