Am I being too friendly and helpful at the reception school gates .?

OP you are being lovely and kind, and I wish I had more friends like you .

i don’t think you need to completely stop what you are doing, in what sounds like usual mornings chaos in reception, I expect most parents are just grateful.

there was a thread on here from a reception teacher the other day, talking about how many children came into reception seemingly not able to eg hang their coat on their peg, etc. and some posters have also mentioned about trying to teach their dc to be more independent, so my only advice would be not to jump in to help too soon, give them a chance to work it out for themselves, and if they ask for help, encourage them to have a go, and if they still need help then that’s fine.

if you are going to volunteer more
often at the school - and if you have the time to do this, it’s a lovely thing to do - then the staff may also suggest this approach, so something to think about?

in general through, just carry on being you

I’ve got mixed thoughts on this one.

Being friendly is one thing but what you described seems overbearing. As someone who is shy, I feel very intimidated and uncomfortable by people who are over-friendly. I really struggle with people in my personal space and have always taught my children to respect people’s personal space.

My children are teenagers now but I’ve always encouraged them to be independent. I wouldn’t have wanted another parent helping them with things like that. If I was there and not helping, it would be because I was wanting them to do it for themselves. Otherwise I would help them myself!

Sounds a bit weird. Why are you talking to the kids and not the parents? Why are you babying someone else’s child? It’s not ok without asking the parents too - and honestly I want to be in and out - I have my own village and can mind my own child. Think it’s an off kind of friendly. Why not show your son healthy behaviour by engaging with the parents?

You would be a refreshing delight to the children
Never be someone you are not
Sometime we need people lile you.
Parents and english behaviour is not part of who you are so stand tall and shine.
I love the connections of some cultures and the happiness.

Disagree

You sound lovely

Chatting is fine, but helping with sleeves, dropped bottles and bags is not so fine. The children need to learn to do this themselves. Of course they’re going to accept your help if you ask! Who wouldn’t want someone else to do it for them. If I saw you constantly doing this, I’d get annoyed that you were stepping in too much. Especially if the child’s parent is there! You’re undermining the parent who is most likely trying to teach their child to be more Independent.

If your children are now adults they must have started school at least 15-16 years ago.School life is very different now and parents(and children) get upset by the least little thing.I actually work in a school so I’ve seen it all! Emails at 9am to remind everyone that their child doesn’t have gravy on dinner,requests that children should wear slippers in school so they’re comfy and my favourite a parent concerned about the size of the hole that workmen had dug out down the road and could school do something about it 🤔

Yes but that kind of overthinking just doesn't exist in other more open cultures and being friendly just isn't perceived in that way - don't you see?

Why on earth would you interpret it that someone is being desperate or wants something?

If youre closer to the child i can see why you might ask. Id probably try and befriend the parents first and model those behaviours with them first.

I wouldnt mind someone I knew helping my little one, but if we hadnt spoken and you were overly friendly with my little one, asking them if they wanted your help when Im there, id not like that.

One of the reasons being I try with my little ones to give them a chance or two to do something themselves before I step in. I wouldnt like a helpful stranger stepping in. But if we were semi friendly and had talked and you helped when it was helpful id be appreciative

You sound lovely! My husband is Portuguese and we lived there when my oldest was born, it’s a much warmer more open culture and I miss that enormously in the UK. I think if you helped my child with something I could be doing my mind would immediately go Oh! What did I miss that I should have been paying attention to? For most people it would soon be clear you mean well. Please don’t feel you have to change.

You sound lovely.

Any other parents I have come across like this have all been from eastern cultures - Nepalese, Thai, Vietnamese etc. I’ve seen it enough to notice it as a pattern in these cultures and always think it is very kind and well intentioned.

if people like me have noticed this pattern they would probably think similar.

if they haven’t seen this before they would probably just think “oh that’s kind”.

I think the vast majority of people would take this in the spirit it is intended. You would have to be very unlucky to come across someone who had an issue with it.

Just play it by ear. But you will hopefully be fine

I'm going to be a hundred percent honest.

There are far worse things than being friendly, so you are doing nothing wrong Op - although I do understand why some parents might prefer you left their child's needs to them if they are there.

However, there have been a lot of comments on this thread about why are the English so reserved etc, and I think you deserve what is, from my perspective, an honest answer.

I think politeness is always welcomed, but overstepping not so much.

Politeness leaves no-one feeling awkward, and allows just enough friendliness for people not to feel snubbed, but, importantly, also doesn't create a sense of being smothered. Sometimes if someone is unusually friendly, it can come across as a bit self-ingratiating. In other words, whereas politeness is something you do to make others feel comfortable, it starts to seem less something you are doing for the other person, and more as though they are the target of you trying to make them like you. That can get people's spidey senses up, because it makes them wonder why you need people to like you so much. Are you covering up that you are NOT a nice person? Do you find it difficult to make friends and keep them? Have you a particular favour in mind or something you want to gain from befriending them? There a point beyond politeness where friendliness can tip into this sort of dynamic. Of course as you get to know people, friendships develop and deepen and a warmer and more attentive dynamic becomes normal. But laying it on thick when you don't have that relationship can make people feel forced into an interaction style they are not ready for.

I don't mean that unkindly, but since you have posted, you are obviously aware that it can be an issue, and, in a nutshell, it can come across as trying to play on someone's politeness to accept advances or respond in a way they are not ready for. And no-one likes feeling forced.

For that reason, I would be a little guided by the levels of friendliness around you, and remember to respect that as well as demonstrating an openness to people.

You sound a lovely person to have around. I hope people appreciate you

I think you sound lovely and I wouldn't particularly mind you helping but I also prefer to encourage independence. I volunteer once a week at a school and at least once a week a small child asks me for help putting on their shoes. I always say "you try, and I'll help you if you need it". Sometimes they put them straight on, sometimes I give a few tips like "other foot'! Very rarely I need to physically help. Once they've done it I say "well done I knew you could do it". I think that's better for their self esteem than just helping.

I agree. Please move house to near me!

Nooooo, you sound lovely. Do not adjust your behaviour.
We should ALL be more Sofisofi 😍

Please can you come to our school, the arrival and leaving chaos could do with a friendly assistant.

You sound lovely. Please don’t change. Hopefilly people will follow your example.

You sound fabulous and I would want to befriend you! I’m British but chat with the other kids at the Reception gates.

You sound absolutely wonderful. The only thing for me is, I am trying to get my daughter, (nearly 4) to try and do more things for herself. So it might look to others that I’m maybe ignoring her need for help, when I’m trying to get her to learn. If you came in and helped, I’d be both annoyed and happy that you are lovely.

OP please carry on unapologetically being yourself & being friendly & kind. You are clearly mindful of boundaries but you like children and helping comes naturally. I'm very similar.

Also, please, please come and be a helper in my Squirrels section, I think you'd be perfect!

Absolutely you are being lovely and I'm the sort of parent if anyone offers to help I'm incredibly grateful! I'm English and do the same but probably a bit more reserved. I'll make eye contact, ask if I can help and reactions are mixed. Some say yes please and others ignore or say no I'm fine.

You sound absolutely lovely and very self aware and sensitive to other people. I’m a KS1 teacher and would be so grateful for such a positive role model. Will you join the PTFA? As I think you’d be a godsend.

We need more people like you in the world 🌎 build your village and I hope other people at your sons school are inspired by you