To wonder what is like to have a healthy mind?

Possibly stupid question, but when are you letting yourself think @Passionfruitsndorange ?

I used to spend my nights desperately trying to get my brain to turn itself off at bed time, to stop ruminating on what needed doing etc.

And then I realised I wasn't giving it any time to do it any other time of day. I was always doing something with it. Working, or listening to a podcast while cooking, or reading, or watching TV, or a other podcast while out for a walk. My brain was never not engaged in some outside stimulus. I ditched some of the podcasts. Switched to music when cooking and during the commute home, and the change was spectacular. All that stuff that would whirl roundy brain at bedtime got the chance to be dealt with earlier, and I'd got to bed and could actually sleep.

Me too. I don’t know how someone else can replicate it unfortunately!
I don’t think about the past at all and little about the future bar normal planning eg pension etc. I don’t worry about my dc , I automatically expect they will be fine.
if something is out of my control I don’t give it any headspace.
If it’s in my control, I’ll do my best to sort it then see what happens.

I totally appreciate that I’m lucky in this mindset and it’s probably the result of a very mundane ( in a good way) , problem free childhood and life.

Someone recommended Ashwagandha to me. It oddly switched off my inner monologue. I didn’t stick with it for various reasons. But am finding that wli have a similar (but not so striking) effect which I prefer. I feel calmer and more focused. Easier to stick to good habits, less self sabotaging (not trifles like eating and drinking - I mean like being tidy and more orderly, checking my diary regularly, doing what I’m supposed to be doing - all without an interior running commentary fretting and/or doing me down.

What I’m saying is not automatically drug yourself. But that there may be more going on than a need for “inner work” or a response to the madness of modern life. It’s probably not your fault, but it probably can be improved.

It’s peaceful. It doesn’t just arrive with a pill or a specific treatment.

I worked at it. I healed. I did the inner work. I read, a lot. It was long, arduous and progress was not linear.

It isn’t just a case of luck. Lots of people don’t do the inner work because it requires huge amounts of humility, reality and a drop in one’s own defence mechanisms.

Im the same op

Other posters have given great advice with their books and different techniques CBT mindfulness they really do help

I think it is something that you have to practice each day at least a little bit regardless of how you feel if you're having a good day practice it if you're having a bad day practice it

The way in my mind is comes from past trauma and I've had plenty of therapy but until I cut family off permanently it was still there because incidents were still occurring

Definitely try some of the things suggested cut back on caffeine and alcohol try to get enough sleep

I am normally you @Passionfruitsndorange and have been for 60+ years but the past three days I have morphed into @WallaceinAnderland and it feels...weird. Nice though, and I hope it lasts.

The only thing I've done differently is starting the new WLI tablets. I need to lose a lot of weight anyway but my main reason is because I've read about so many people having their autoimmune pain and inflammation reduced to negligible amounts. The calmed brain is a lovely side effect.

I'm fortunate enough to have a calm and healthy mind.

I don't borrow potential worry from the future.

I just deal with what I can the best and I can and realise I can't control everything.

I don't dwell on stuff for long tend to just go on gut.

I think all you can do in life it is play the best hand with the cards you are dealt.

I've been like this since my 20s.

I will worry about it at 7pm on Monday

Scarlett O'Hara's mantra 'tomorrow is another day' is a good one to tell yourself when you can't deal with something right now.

I call it 'future me's problem'. Conversely, when I reap the rewards of my own labour I thank myself, 'Thank you past me'. It can be something as simple as getting into freshly laundered sheets. Anything that you did for yourself that you might not have felt like doing at the time but are now glad you did. I honestly think life is just a series of moments and if you can be glad of those moments, which do happen to everyone if you acknowledge them, you will be glad of each day.

I’m also a fan of the Mark Manson book recommended.

I take duloxetine for anxiety and read a Stoic diary every day.

That sounds entirely miserable. Do you work? Can you plan a few fun trips out? What’s nice about your town? What are small things you enjoy doing every day (the smell of your coffee, growing geraniums, whatever it might be? Gardening and knitting are both quite soothing activities…)

I’m pretty fortunate in this regard.

I read “Don’t sweat the small stuff” at a young age and it really helped. I also worked at a company where the CEO said “Control the controllable” which is a really good way to approach life. I always think about people in a worse situation than myself. Self pity is a really destructive emotion.

What I do do - eat well, sleep enough, walk everywhere I can. Read a lot. Work very hard (keeps you busy so stops you ruminating.) Avoid people with issues or who don’t treat you well. Do things I enjoy (usually watching interesting documentaries on TV) Avoid sad or depressing films or TV. Make sure I have something in the diary (trip out or holiday) booked.

I actually think a balanced diet, enough sleep, someone to talk to and being busy are huge factors in mental health.

Anyone who has lots of time on their hands to be introspective is going to suffer, I reckon.

My son once said 'I don't understand why everyone isn't depressed ' and that's how I feel. I've had therapy, a stay in a psychiatric hospital, every kind of tablet known to man and nothing much helps. I live alone in a town I don't know and I can't go 'home' because I'm priced out.

Not an expert, but my understanding is that Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is good for this sort of thing? All about retraining your brain to react differently and not spiral down old pathways

I recommend this too.

I was a lot like you when I was younger and over time have learned the hard way, and also through an act of will, that

a) you can't change the past and you have limited control over the future
b) people are overwhelmingly concerned with their own lives and devote far less attention to you and your behaviour than you might assume so there is no point worrying about what people think of you
c) you can't live your life trying to please other people, and in fact there's usually an inverse correlation between trying to please other people and actually pleasing them ie the more you care about what other people think of you, the less they will think of you

Anecdotally, (though I've never tried it) I've heard CBT is very helpful for this.

I'm not sure how you define a "healthy mind" and everyone has their vulnerabilities and foibles but over time these things have really helped me stop agonising over things I can't control.

I have a very calm and rational mind. I remember being in absolute turmoil in my 20s and it was exhausting and stressful. What helped me was things like mindfulness - noticing when your mind wonders and returning it purposefully into present moment. With practice, it works wonders.
Also my life mantra is if there is something that worries you and you can change it - change it. If you can't change it, there is no point worrying about it.
Some people also get great success with "worry appointment" and "fuck it bucket". You set an appointment with yourself once a week for 15 minutes to worry about things. Every time outside that frame, a worrying through arises, you write it down and say "I will worry about it at 7pm on Monday". If after a month the thing that you worried about still didn't happen, you put the note into a wastepaper basket marked "fuck it bucket".

Well like my user name. I’m going to recommend Knitting, crochet or even cross stitch. The feel of yarn and the repetitive motions are very calming and you get to create something. The problem can still be worked on in the background but your immediate focus is on what you’re doing. You do enter a flow state which can have similar benefits on the body like meditation except you have a hat or a jumper at the end of it. And a yarn stash. I find it really calms and relaxes me.

Do reach out to your local knitting and spinning guild if you’re interested. Most knitters are warm and welcoming.

Yes, I agree with @WallaceinAnderland about accepting things you cannot change - I like the wording of the Serenity prayer (doesn't matter if you're not religious).

Quetiapine might help if it is noise you need to drown out to focus on the present.

I am the same!
On the rare occasion that I find I’m not actively worrying about something, my brain will helpfully fill that gap, and dig something out of the archives for me to start fretting over or a previous event/situation to analyse.

I can tell you what it's like. It's relaxing, calm and gentle. It means that you can trust your gut and be confident in your decisions. It means that you can rationalise anxiety and fear and reason logically. It means that you can enjoy moments, literally moments, of pure contentment by acknowledging the here and now. It means that you can identify and accept your emotions as they come and go without looking backwards or forwards.

My mind is almost always calm. If you have something bothering you, going round and round your head, it will help to talk about it. Even if you're just saying the same thing over and over and not actually looking for a solution. This is one thing that AI is good for. (As long as it doesn't lead you to worry about the future of AI). Or write it down and throw it away. Just get it out of your head.

Also, accept the things you cannot change and change the things you can. Tiny changes can make big differences.