Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel uneasy about my nearly 17-year-old dating a 15-year-old?

115 replies

JESSICAASHLEY · 18/09/2026 09:35

My daughter is 16,17 at the end of this year, just started college.

She met a boy over the summer who is 15, just gone into year 11 and is 16 early next year.

They clearly like each other, but I am feeling a bit icky about it due to the stage of their lives they are at.

If they were in year 9 and year 10, ok.
First year of college, and second year of college, not a problem.

My issue is she's at college and is two months away from being 17, where he is at school and still 15, hes not 16 for another 6 months.

She's not overly confident with boys, so I'm not worried about sex and things like that just yet, but as I have explained to her, once you have been in a relationship for a while, these things can happen and he is under age.

I'm explaining implications if something did happen between them and they were found out, she would be the one in trouble.

She's got a couple of friends who are in her situation, and dating a younger boy, so she thinks its fine.

AIBU that's its just a bit off and encourage her to not pursue this? I can't physically stop her but I have already voiced my concerns so she is aware or am I being completely over the top? It just doesn't sit right with me.

OP posts:
Madamecholetsbonnet · 18/09/2026 14:58

I was 18 and dating a 16 year old. We were married at 30/28

Hoppinggreen · 18/09/2026 14:56

Denim4ever · 18/09/2026 09:46

Gen Z themselves are normally the biggest critics with sixth formers dating anyone still in year 11 or below. Their etiquette can seem very picky and she might come across that.

I agree one Ds's friend group started dating a girl who was 15 and still at school while he was 16 and at 6th form college
I never thought i would see a group of 16 year old boys clutch their pearls like that!!!

Dollymylove · 18/09/2026 14:50

At 17 I wasnt interested in 15 year old boys. Too immature.
19 or 20 would have been an ideal BF for me

HelmholtzWatson · 18/09/2026 14:41

Would anyone even raise an eyebrow if this was a 15yo girl and 16yo boy with only 16 months between them?

x2boys · 18/09/2026 14:30

Denim4ever · 18/09/2026 09:46

Gen Z themselves are normally the biggest critics with sixth formers dating anyone still in year 11 or below. Their etiquette can seem very picky and she might come across that.

This is so true my son is 19 and horrified at dating anyone who is even just a year younger then him
Which i find very strange

britnay · 18/09/2026 14:24

How does he treat her? Does he make her happy? Does he make her feel better about herself?

Josie67 · 18/09/2026 14:19

Why don't you have a chat with his mum? Make sure she is on b/c.

Ablondiebutagoody · 18/09/2026 13:15

I think from her college friends point of view, this would seem a bit paedoy

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 18/09/2026 12:45

It sounds like this is less about legalities and more about you being embarrassed your daughter is dating a younger boy.

SendforJulietOne · 18/09/2026 12:40

JESSICAASHLEY · 18/09/2026 11:38

I know this sounds so hypocritical, but if he was older and she was the younger one I don't think i'd be bothered.

I'm not sure why it's made me feel a bit weird, I suppose I just don't want anyone thinking bad of her.

She will be learning to drive soon, she already goes to parties / went to the pub with friends during the world cup etc ( she has friends older and younger ) so she's quite grown up when it comes to socialising and then he seems so young being 15 still.

We shall see what happens, I will just let her get on with it and treat it as any other relationship, which she hasn't had any really so this is all new!!

Show quote history

Can you explain your reasoning behind this? Why would it be "ok" to you if the sexes were reversed? That's a bizarre take on it.
Hypothetically, what if your daughter was dating a 15 year old girl? Would that seem acceptable to you?

My DP is 13 months older than me. I don't view him as in a different life stage!

user1464187087 · 18/09/2026 12:40

OnlyUsername · 18/09/2026 12:30

They don't tend to prosecute age gaps of a year (so 15 and 16, can on paper be peers in same school year) unless there was coercion or exploitation so I really wouldn't worry about it - apart from making sure she has thought about contraception.

I also meant to say in my previous post OP, not to worry. With regards to prosecution (not that I think that would happen) The CPS can make a decision not to prosecute because it is not in the public interest, which I think would apply here.
As I say, i really don't think you have anything to worry about.

maggisimpson · 18/09/2026 12:40

Is it actually the age gap that's a problem, or the feeling/social norm that girls should have older boyfriends?

OnlyUsername · 18/09/2026 12:30

They don't tend to prosecute age gaps of a year (so 15 and 16, can on paper be peers in same school year) unless there was coercion or exploitation so I really wouldn't worry about it - apart from making sure she has thought about contraception.

user1464187087 · 18/09/2026 12:24

bumblingbovine49 · 18/09/2026 12:03

What a load of garbage. Whilst having a conversation about sex and consent and appropriate ages etc ia fine, this is just not true in the UK. We don't have a Statutory rape law.

We do have a legal age of consent but it would be highly unlikely that a 15 and 17 yr old having consensual sex in a relationship would result in the prosecution of the 17 yr old . I'm not saying it would never happen so it is good advice to avoid the situation but it unlikely to be criminally prosecuted

Show quote history

I was thinking along the same lines as you regarding statutory rape law.
It is covered by the Sexual Offences Act of sometime in the early 2000's.
This seems to be a grey area because a female cannot rape a man apparently, but obviously if the man is under the age of consent but consenting then, like you say, prosecution would be unlikely.

Jadebanditchillipepper · 18/09/2026 12:12

I don't understand how year 11 and 12 is any different to year 9 and 10, which you said would be ok?

bumblingbovine49 · 18/09/2026 12:03

user293948849167 · 18/09/2026 11:40

I think apart from explaining that she would be guilty of statutory rape if they have sex before he is 16 there’s not much else you can do.
I wouldn’t allow them to be alone in her bedroom or any sleepovers either if it were my DD

What a load of garbage. Whilst having a conversation about sex and consent and appropriate ages etc ia fine, this is just not true in the UK. We don't have a Statutory rape law.

We do have a legal age of consent but it would be highly unlikely that a 15 and 17 yr old having consensual sex in a relationship would result in the prosecution of the 17 yr old . I'm not saying it would never happen so it is good advice to avoid the situation but it unlikely to be criminally prosecuted

Original poster
JESSICAASHLEY · 18/09/2026 11:59

Quine0nline · 18/09/2026 11:42

Setting aside the actual ages, how are they both, maturity wise? Girls tend to be more mature than boys, but it can of course vary.
Good luck to them both.

Obviously I don't really know him but he seems quite mature from what she's said, she is also mature and quite sensible.

OP posts:
PermanentlyExhaustedPigeonZZZ · 18/09/2026 11:51

I'd be relieved she's with a young guy rather than a 19yo.

Quine0nline · 18/09/2026 11:42

Setting aside the actual ages, how are they both, maturity wise? Girls tend to be more mature than boys, but it can of course vary.
Good luck to them both.

user293948849167 · 18/09/2026 11:40

I think apart from explaining that she would be guilty of statutory rape if they have sex before he is 16 there’s not much else you can do.
I wouldn’t allow them to be alone in her bedroom or any sleepovers either if it were my DD

Original poster
JESSICAASHLEY · 18/09/2026 11:38

Favouritefruits · 18/09/2026 10:05

This age gap seems fine and totally normal, if your DD was dating a boy the year above would you feel the same way? I wouldn’t get worried about this at all.

I know this sounds so hypocritical, but if he was older and she was the younger one I don't think i'd be bothered.

I'm not sure why it's made me feel a bit weird, I suppose I just don't want anyone thinking bad of her.

She will be learning to drive soon, she already goes to parties / went to the pub with friends during the world cup etc ( she has friends older and younger ) so she's quite grown up when it comes to socialising and then he seems so young being 15 still.

We shall see what happens, I will just let her get on with it and treat it as any other relationship, which she hasn't had any really so this is all new!!

OP posts:
Sadcafe · 18/09/2026 11:05

As per multiple comments, it’s a one year age difference, seriously not worth worrying over

wildnwilde · 18/09/2026 11:02

Theirs a year up year down 'social' rule apparently
I honestly wouldn't sweat this . My son's exactly one year older than his gf she's 15 in November he's 16 in November. On ioisly we have discussed with him how he becomes at the age of consent but she still .kat definitely will not be and drummed into him that that is really important .

mindutopia · 18/09/2026 10:59

It’s a completely normal age gap.

When I was 15, I had a 20 year old boyfriend. 😂 Who wasn’t a groomer creep. We were together for 3 years and there was no sex in that time! He was just a guy I met who I liked and decided to date.

Propagandalf · 18/09/2026 10:42

So a 16 y/o is dating a 15 y/o?

Better call the cops@JESSICAASHLEY

Swipe left for the next trending thread