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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel uneasy about my nearly 17-year-old dating a 15-year-old?

115 replies

JESSICAASHLEY · 18/09/2026 09:35

My daughter is 16,17 at the end of this year, just started college.

She met a boy over the summer who is 15, just gone into year 11 and is 16 early next year.

They clearly like each other, but I am feeling a bit icky about it due to the stage of their lives they are at.

If they were in year 9 and year 10, ok.
First year of college, and second year of college, not a problem.

My issue is she's at college and is two months away from being 17, where he is at school and still 15, hes not 16 for another 6 months.

She's not overly confident with boys, so I'm not worried about sex and things like that just yet, but as I have explained to her, once you have been in a relationship for a while, these things can happen and he is under age.

I'm explaining implications if something did happen between them and they were found out, she would be the one in trouble.

She's got a couple of friends who are in her situation, and dating a younger boy, so she thinks its fine.

AIBU that's its just a bit off and encourage her to not pursue this? I can't physically stop her but I have already voiced my concerns so she is aware or am I being completely over the top? It just doesn't sit right with me.

OP posts:
Allthebubbles · 18/09/2026 19:21

My son is this age 16 early next year- I don’t think it would bother me especially as your daughter is not experienced.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 18/09/2026 19:21

ThatJadeLion · 18/09/2026 19:18

Legally and morally people may think it's ok today. Ten years from now.. who knows. I would feel very uneasy if my daughter was being intimate with a boy under the age of consent.

So you'd have a problem in ten years' time when they are 25 and 26? That seems rational Confused

ThatJadeLion · 18/09/2026 19:18

Legally and morally people may think it's ok today. Ten years from now.. who knows. I would feel very uneasy if my daughter was being intimate with a boy under the age of consent.

bryceQ · 18/09/2026 19:17

Nahh I wouldn’t be concerned at all this is a thing gap.

StripedTee · 18/09/2026 19:17

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 18/09/2026 19:15

And the chances of that a) happening and b) actually going anywhere are so minuscule as to not be worth even thinking about.

I don't disagree. It's weird to me though that you're so in favour of ignoring the law, given that it exists to protect youngsters.

XenoBitch · 18/09/2026 19:17

YABU they are not even a year apart.

Although, when I was in 6th form, one of my friends was seeing a yr 7. That was a bit grim.

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 18/09/2026 19:15

StripedTee · 18/09/2026 19:14

Agreed, provided the one who's under the age of consent doesn't later say they were taken advantage of.

Edited

And the chances of that a) happening and b) actually going anywhere are so minuscule as to not be worth even thinking about.

StripedTee · 18/09/2026 19:14

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 18/09/2026 19:03

Right, but nothing will actually happen to two consenting U18's who choose to have sex, especially not when the age gap is barely over a year.

Agreed, provided the one who's under the age of consent doesn't later say they were taken advantage of.

stichguru · 18/09/2026 19:11

No it wouldn't worry me. My best friends were 18&28 when they first went out, now 55&65 - still the most devoted couple I know!

Butchyrestingface · 18/09/2026 19:10

Not so much of an age gap as an age CHASM. Whatever will they find to talk about?

said no-one ever

YankSplaining · 18/09/2026 19:10

YABVU. This is a totally normal age gap between two teenagers.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 18/09/2026 19:09

So he's in the year below? Pfft. Pick your battles.

StripedTee · 18/09/2026 19:07

CalamityJane81 · 18/09/2026 17:26

I’m glad you wrote this. I was nervous to but I agree it is very unlikely that this would be something that the CPS decided to prosecute.

It's still illegal though whether it's likely to be prosecuted or not, because 15-year olds aren't legally able to consent. The law exists to protect young people so isn't it best to encourage them to follow it?

Grumpyoldcat · 18/09/2026 19:06

Leave them be. You cant interfere here.

AshCullen1894 · 18/09/2026 19:04

There is a mum on this site with a seventeen year old daughter who is dating a 32 year old man. Now that's something to worry about.
I think the young people will be okay 👍

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 18/09/2026 19:03

StripedTee · 18/09/2026 19:01

It's still illegal to have sex with a 15-year old, whether it's referred to as statutory rape or not. So my point remains that it's wise to advise against it.

Right, but nothing will actually happen to two consenting U18's who choose to have sex, especially not when the age gap is barely over a year.

StripedTee · 18/09/2026 19:01

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 18/09/2026 15:17

There's no such thing as statutory rape in the UK.

And even if it did, it only applies if one party is over 18 and the other is under 16.

Edited

It's still illegal to have sex with a 15-year old, whether it's referred to as statutory rape or not. So my point remains that it's wise to advise against it.

diddl · 18/09/2026 18:21

I think it might be because she's at college & he's at school.

Possibly unusual for a girl of her age to date a younger boy.

AzureFinch · 18/09/2026 18:10

There no issue here imo.

user1464187087 · 18/09/2026 17:46

CalamityJane81 · 18/09/2026 17:26

I’m glad you wrote this. I was nervous to but I agree it is very unlikely that this would be something that the CPS decided to prosecute.

I agree. It wouldn't be in the public interest to prosecute in this case.

CalamityJane81 · 18/09/2026 17:26

pigsDOfly · 18/09/2026 16:34

Statutory rape is not a term used in the UK - I'm assuming the OP is in the UK - so is not something the OP's daughter would be guilty of.

The boy is almost 16, which is the age of consent, a young person of 16/17 wouldn't be prosecuted for having sex with another young person of 15/16 in the UK.

I’m glad you wrote this. I was nervous to but I agree it is very unlikely that this would be something that the CPS decided to prosecute.

CalamityJane81 · 18/09/2026 17:24

I don’t think an 18mths gap is weird. It’s a very difficult age, I agree it does feel a bit icky when you first read it but you have to ask yourself why and that actually boils down to the possible sexual element for me. I also am very judgemental about older males with younger females and I still think I would be cautious but not massively suspicious even if the sexes were reversed here. My opinion is, ensure you keep talking to her about the legal age of consent (even if he pressures her) but I think you know your daughter best and if she is a little immature then I think it will be okay. I suspect the worst thing that will happen is that one of them gets their first heartache that we’ve all been through.

Try not to worry too much.

MyZippyCostume · 18/09/2026 17:20

Ablondiebutagoody · 18/09/2026 13:15

I think from her college friends point of view, this would seem a bit paedoy

This. She will have to keep it under her hat until he leaves school.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 18/09/2026 17:20

JESSICAASHLEY · 18/09/2026 11:59

Obviously I don't really know him but he seems quite mature from what she's said, she is also mature and quite sensible.

Have you discussed contraception with her?

SandandSky · 18/09/2026 17:18

Seriously though, I think it’s fine they aren’t that too far apart in age. Some sixth forms are attached to secondary aren’t they? So just one year apart from each other in the same school

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