AIBU to let my adult nephew move in after rent rise from my sister?

Because the option of living with family is available to him, it sounds like he gets on well with his aunt, uncle and cousins, he’ll be paying less than market rent and will be able to save towards a deposit more quickly. Why shouldn’t he live with family?

But they are all living as children of the family, living in your home, not being responsible for the bills or running the household, living by your house rules, not deciding them as equal adults. This is not the same at all to being responsible for a household, sharing the bills, deciding the house rules between them.

Wow your sister is a piece of work, jacking up the rent like that to kick him out! Thank goodness he has you to help him. I wonder if your sister realises the damage she’s doing to their relationship? What a shame for him. But he is very lucky to have a lovely aunty to step in and support him.

Also why are people concerned about the potential severed relationship between the OP and her sister? It seems like the sister is emotionally blackmailing OP and her own child. And why are her finances more important than his need to save?

I know you say you wouldn’t charge him, but if he’s offering the £400 I would take it and save it for him (but don’t tell him!). It would be a wonderful gift when he saves enough.
it really does sound like your sister is profiting from him….

I lived with my parents until I bought my own home. I didn't have any problems running my home.

You keep goalpost moving.

He's already lived away from home anyway. And living with OP means he gets to buy a home sooner, meaning he'll get more time being fully responsible for bills and a household than he would be if he had to spend time in a flatshare.

Any possible advantages of a non-familial houseshare with that anyone might be able to barrel scrape up are outweighed by the clear benefits of being able to save a deposit to buy his own place sooner.

I don’t know where they live but £800 is double my monthly mortgage payment. I can’t see how she’s accused you of trying to make money off him when she wants £800. He would be better off him and his girlfriend trying to rent somewhere - again depending on where they live. Doesn’t answer your question because I am not sure what I’d do. I’m very close to my nieces and nephews as well as my siblings

He is lucky to have you and being able to save a large deposit will help him so much

This was in response to the OP claiming her nephew and adult children living with her was the same as them living as a group independently. It’s really not! It’s fine, most people can learn fast how to run a household (although houseshares teach different skills to moving out to live alone or with a partner!), but living as a young adult with older family in their home, in the “child” position is very different to being in a houseshare situation.

Again, the OP responded to another poster saying he’d be better off living in a houseshare by saying he’d be living with people his own age at her house as her adult dcs are also living at home. I pointed out it’s not the same thing at all. Because it’s not! And while it’s fine to live with family as a young adult until buying your first home and living alone or with a romantic partner, claiming her home would be just like young single professionals living together just isn’t true.

The OP has said that he has already lived independently at university and describes him as a fully functioning man who can cook, clean, iron etc. he will have budgeted at uni, he has worked part time and now full time and is saving. He wants to live with family, he wants to save, what the fuck is some peoples issue with this? This attitude of “Life must be hard, that’ll show ‘em is pathetic. I think it’s jealousy from some people on here, they and it tough so song want anyone else having an easier time. I had it really fucking tough and will do everything 8 can to make sure my family never have to go through that now I’m in a position to help them. Some parents are just cunts.

In fact, your first post was about saving and living with other young people (and no guarantee a houseshare would necessarily feature agemates, unlike OPs house). OP pointed out that he'll be with young people and saving more with her. She didn't say it was just the same as living with her at all and I don't know where you got that from. If anything it's an argument that living with her would offer more of the benefits that were being specifically cited.

You then goalpost moved to bills and stuff, but you weren't refuting OP because neither you nor she had mentioned those until then.

I think it’s a lovely thing to do, we are about to do some building work to make sure ours have the opportunity to stay home for as long as needed.

i do think this will do some damage to your relationship with your sister. She is being a twat though, and doing nothing will jeopardise the relationship with your nephew. So I think it’s a case of doing what’s right

I am glad that you offered your nephew a home to live and where he can save money to buy his own place in time. His mother was trying to build up her own financial position at the cost of her son's and you know she has a good income. My feeling is that her partner could be behind this and they both saw a chance to get more money off her son.
At this stage she has ended up souring her relationship with her son and with you.

One of my friends has a mother like your sister. She has been mean with money for year's despite having a good income and savings. She tried to pull a similar stunt on my friend as your sister did to her son. Another friend of ours told her don't do what she wants and if she keeps this up tell x and y what she's up to.
She left my friend to deal with and sort out several difficult situations on her own. She been verbally nasty at times. She has moaned anytime she was asked to mind grandkids by another daughter.
One of her daughters recently got a new job and got several nasty comments about this job from her mother. The other girl is planning to move jobs as well to one with more hours and money.
Both girls have had enough of there mother and her behaviour. With the new job and the other girl changing jobs they are not going to be as available for help, to drive her places or provide care in time.

There mother is now in her late 70's and it just a matter of time before she will need help.

If you're in a position to help someone out why would you leave them to struggle and not help them out. It harder for young people now to get on the property ladder than it was years ago.

My friend has a relative that has been very good to her for years. I know that in time my friend will help this person out.
I can tell you now that you're nephew is glad to move into your home and he will remember what you did for him long term. My feeling is that when his mother is older he won't be rushing to help her out but he will be good to you.

Your sister is really greedy. Even £500 is extreme but £800 is next level. She’s the one trying to make money out of her son.

His mum is not throwing him out. She is still setting his “keep” well below what it would cost him to live independently, and at a level he could easily save £1k a month, if he can keep his social spending to around £100-120 a week.

This young man has an inheritance and already had a pot of savings and the OP hasn’t suggested her nephew talk properly to his mum about why she’s moved the rent level, or talk about how much he’s saving a month or what his target amount is. She’s just gone straight to offering him a cheaper option and decided her sister’s motivation must be evil.

There is no timeframe on any of this, no idea of saving targets or what he is managing to save a month now. After he pays his mum now (which includes food) he has around £1500 a month, what he actually saves of that, the OP doesn’t know and doesn’t think she needs to know before offering to have him stay indefinitely and blowing up her relationship with her sister.

No one seems to think this above average earning man should be treated like an adult, this isn’t about saying “we had it tough so you should too”, but “he’s an adult with a professional job who went running to his aunt, not having a proper conversation with his mum.”

His mum is still offering to have him live with her, subsidising his lifestyle so he can save. He just thinks he should get an even better deal with his aunt. That he even asked is incredibly entitled.

You have no idea what OP has spoken to him about. She said she wouldn’t tell him he had to save a certain amount but they’ve obviously talked about things as she knows how much he has saved and his plans for the future. She said the situation has been going on for a while so I imagine lots of conversations have been had between mother and son, sister and sister as well as between OP and her nephew as she said she knows him well. No timeframe? she has said he wants to buy in the next 2 to 3 years but that she is happy for him to stay longer. You’re making up your own narrative, your post is full of bs. You clearly have your own issues. Are you OPs sister? 🧐

At £800 ( or even the £750 the mum offered to reduce it to) his Mum would be making profit from him. Who does that to their children? Even if you need the money, the only costs your child should be contributing to are food and utilities. They should not pay towards a mortgage or rent and that are a given anyway.
Did you charge your children these sort of figures? If so why?
We didn’t charge our children anything.

I find it so funny that people think that people can't go from living with parents to running their own home.

His mother can set his "keep" at where she wants to and that is her choice. Take it or leave it is his choice. He has made a deal with his aunt which suits them both better. I's not his mother's business.

Sorry but charging your child £800 is fucking evil. I understand they would pay more living out but it’s your own child for god sake. Have some shame. Our adult DC pays £200 a month and the odd takeaway.

Why does he have to live in a house share at all? It isn’t a requirement for independence.

The relationship OP has with her nephew is independent of the one she has with her sister. He wasn’t prepared to accept his mother trying to profit of him, so he made other arrangements that will allow him to save faster for a deposit. What’s wrong with that, exactly? That he isn’t struggling like you seem to think he should have to? That his mother is upset because he didn’t in fact have to suck up the increase she was trying to impose? Too fucking bad 🤷🏻‍♀️

He is an adult that you say is lovely and responsible. You and your family are happy to have him live with you. I don’t think anything else matters.

If you weren’t happy to have him it would be different but you are. I don’t see why when you are happy to have him you should refuse him so he’s more of a man in other pp’s eyes or so he can contribute to his mums household.

The only people who are unhappy are his mum and partner because they cant make money from him/ save whilst he is there. Throwing a tantrum because he’s chosen to live elsewhere is ridiculous and nasty. It would be different if he was a little shit and you were enabling him.

I would never have my nephew as he is horrid! If he was like yours it would be an entirely different thing.