AIBU to let my adult nephew move in after rent rise from my sister?

But they are all living as children of the family, living in your home, not being responsible for the bills or running the household, living by your house rules, not deciding them as equal adults. This is not the same at all to being responsible for a household, sharing the bills, deciding the house rules between them.

Because the option of living with family is available to him, it sounds like he gets on well with his aunt, uncle and cousins, he’ll be paying less than market rent and will be able to save towards a deposit more quickly. Why shouldn’t he live with family?

Well no, because OP and her family are perfectly happy to have him at their house. His mother isn’t happy about it, but so what? That’s her problem.

I think you are doing the right thing by bringing him to live with you. I do not understand why your sister wants to charge him so much when she is on a good wage too. I wonder if her partner is behind this. Either way he sounds like a decent young man & living with you he can save & eventually buy his own property. I hope the move goes well & he settles in nicely with your family.

@YearsOfLife

he can live in a house share and still do some saving bonus is he gets to live with other young people and you don’t compromise your relationship with your sister - win, win all round

@walrushurricane

maybe not quite as much but he can still save

He won't be able to save as much for a deposit.

I was going to post saying if he wants to move in with you and you’re happy then go ahead - it seems your sister has some sort of problem and is pushing him away!
After your latest update I’m glad he has you and your family and I hope things settle for him over the next while x

Why can’t he live in a house share with other young professionals?

he can still save then

he doesn’t need to live with family

Yes I agree, as I said she’s wrong for not being happy for him to have found something that will work out better for him

Expecting them to sub or majorly inconvenience themselves for adult children, obvious exceptions apply e.g your adult DC gets disabled in an accident or their spouse dies etc then I would hope most parents would absolutely be there for their adult children

She isn't just asking for compensation for cost though. She wants more than that and clearly hopes to profit from him being there. If it was that inconvenient she would be happy for him to move out.

Can I suggest OP that you don't reduce the £400 that has been discussed as going lower would be like a red rag to a bull for your sister. If you'd like to charge less, put the excess into a savings account and give it to him when he is eventually going to move out. We did this with all of ours and it went down very well

I was initially going to ask whether your sister and her partner were in receipt of Housing Benefit. I remember having to pay rent directly to the Council and full Council Tax, and keep to my mum when I first started working because she got housing benefit but I wasn’t entitled to that, so a huge portion of my wages vanished straight away, but having seen your post on their salaries, clearly not!

I think you’ve got an opportunity to give your nephew a real leg up here, and it’s lovely that you’re able to do that for him. I think he’ll remember your kindness for a long time. I suspect your sister and her partner are looking at it that if he’s going to be living there, he can pay a third of the bills. Technically fair, but not helpful.

Your Nephew will be able to save for a house deposit quicker living with you then his own mum. You are a kind aunt and a supportive one. He is lucky to have you looking out for him. I dont understand why your dsis is the way she is with your Nephew. He works hard, helps out and he just wants to save to get on the housing market. You would think she would help him in anyway she can and not make things harder for him.

Growing up i never had any support with my own parents but learnt how to stand on my own two feet at a young age. It was hard as I needed guidance but I got there in the end. I dont want my dc's to feel like i did.
I see things so differently with my own dc's and I am supportive with them all. Even with them growing up, they need guidance, support whether it is emotional or financial. I hope the move goes smoothly today.

I think your DSis doesn't like being shown up by you, and instead of backing down is doubling down

What entitlement towards parents is that?

@YearsOfLife well done to you and your husband. Your nephew is earning well for someone not long finished uni that doesn’t mean its not crazy that his own mum wants to take more than his salary increase off him. Even more strange when she and her partner earn well.

I hope he soon settles in with you and his cousins. I wonder if some debt/financial worries will become clearer with your sister.

She’s unreasonable to create a rift out with her son and sister just because he’s found a better deal, absolutely, and sounds like the sort of person who would have resented him for moving in with a partner if that had been the case. However on the other hand he’s an adult, why on earth shouldn’t she be compensated for the cost and inconvenience of having him still living with her. Personally we have my adult DC living with us and don’t charge any rent ( only a small contribution towards bills) they’re no trouble at all and saving toward a house deposit, I don’t mind at all and they are happy to help us out anytime whenever we need never asking for anything in return. Obviously be nice when we have the extra room again but happy to be helping. However I don’t think this should be the expectation on all parents, there’s enough of a sense of entitlement towards parents as there is

I think you’ve done the right thing. You and your husband sound lovely. I’d do that for my nephews too if they wanted it.

I can’t imagine being on over £100K and wanting to make my child’s life harder. It would be different if he were a layabout but it doesn’t sound like he is. Why wouldn’t you help someone get a good start in life if you can afford to?

She is unreasonable to try and make a profit out of her own son.

Your sister is not being unreasonable charging that level of rent and you’re wrong to have the view that she should be subsidising him now he’s an adult. However at the same time he’s an adult and entitled to chose to live where he likes, your sister should be glad he’s able to get a better deal at yours, she can get a lodger if she really needs the money