AIBU to let my adult nephew move in after rent rise from my sister?

That's how I feel about it. Something seems to be missing from the mother's side. OP may find out what that is in time. Sometimes things can look wrong until you learn the whole story.

As far as nephew moving in though, he's an adult and can live wherever he wants.

Exactly, something doesn’t sound quite right from the picture being painted of her

Gosh what a situation!
For his mum to have supported him all his life, including when his dad died. Then through university for them to now fall out because of money?
I assume that’s her only son. How awful.

Im hoping once they’re away from each other, they can resolve things and be back together soon.

She'd have to pay 40% tax on the difference if she charged more than £625 a month though. And do all the vetting, admin and associated costs such as up to date fire alarms on each floor, gas safety checks, ID checks, insurance, and get permission from her lender. And share her house with a stranger.
I said it up thread, she is greedy because she wants the benefits of a commercial set up without any of the inconvenience or responsibility.

Not that she sounds a nice person regardless but if she really was so ‘greedy’ she would of asked him to leave and rent the spare room out years ago

I just looked up what I could get in my nearest city at 2 days notice, for one week, and the cheapest (room only, not city centre) was £600 for the week. Even with a discount for a longer stay, I'm not sure how you are doing the maths for 'a few months' to be affordable. He's on 35k, not 350k.

I don’t see a problem with that either, I’m really glad to be doing it for our lovely DS but do really resent the idea that after 18 years of hard work bringing up our DC, when they are adults (with compassionate exceptions) that we should remain ‘responsible’ for continuing to sub them, I don’t sub our other adult children, another one has always worked incredibly hard, been no trouble at all and I’m so very proud of them but we can’t afford to and when we eventually do have some money we’d actually like to be able to enjoy doing something for ourselves at long last, just as they do. Still, adult DC and us enjoy treating each other birthdays and Christmas, love cooking them Sunday lunch etc

I didn’t say his mother was leaving him homeless. He should make himself homeless and leave. She can rent out the room for the market value if money is the motive for her greed.

You go in Airbnb for a few months. The guy is not short of cash.

Have you tried walking into a letting agency and getting a place to live with two days notice?
In our nearest city the agencies get double figure applications the first day that properties are available, before they even go on the website. That's for studios and one beds, and house shares aren't much easier to come by. And he'd have to be paying fees, credit checks, deposit and rent in advance up front, it's a lot of money to find without notice even if you are on a good wage.
Seriously the stuff you're posting makes me wonder if you have any idea of the housing market or if you're basing all your answers on what it was like in 1986.

For goodness sake she’s not leaving him homeless, he earns a very decent salary!

Sounds like your sister is embarrassed she has been caught out for trying to extract money from her own son. Awful behaviour to give only 2 days notice. Glad he has somewhere safe and secure with you.

I've no idea where you get that impression from as you said that your own DC lives with you and is considerate and that you don't charge them. What you say doesn't describe the nephew in this thread either. It remains unclear who you are referring to.
I've already said a couple of times on this thread that things are much harder for current young people in the financial sense (and other ways too). That's the chief reason that many parents of working, young adults continue to accommodate them at home. Most parents want the best for their children and, as long as they behave in a considerate way, do a fair share of housework, contribute to expenses, etc, I can't see a problem.

Your sister is being grabby. Let him leave and take him in. You couldn’t leave him homeless.
Some parents treat their children like strangers when they’re young adults.

They aren't obliged, but if you've got a joint income of 150k and benefited from significantly cheaper rents and house prices yourself and a much better job market, it's a shitty thing to decide that you don't want to help your own DC. They didn't choose to be born into an era where they'd be graduating with some of the worst job prospects and highest living costs we've seen for years.

First and foremost your nephew is an adult. It’s not up to his mum to choose where he lives.

Secondly, as a young adult one of my uncles stepped in to help me at a critical time with my parents. I’m in my 60’s now and still have a great relationship with him. Both of my parents have passed along.

i am concerned what’s behind your sister’s driving force for him to remain and to be paying what appears to be an excessive amount of money. Is she having financial troubles ?

do what you think is best for him. Unless DSis has some extraordinary reason for you not assist him, then she has to let him lead his own life. I would put money on there being a secondary reason though why she doesn’t want him to go… (financial, protection, company etc ?).

I never said that lodgers get house share equivalent rights, but depending on where he is, he could get lodgings for considerably less than £800 so why should he pay that to have zero rights at all, less even than a lodger? It doesn't seem like he had any rights or security, despite the mum wanting to charge him a commercial rate.
And no, no one does expect an adult child to get equal rights in the household, so why would the partner expect him to pay an equal contribution as though he is, unless it's just because he has a bruised ego that the kid is going to out earn him?

If his mum is so keen to maximise her income, she should get a lodger. When she realises the risks involved with that, and the compromise on your sense of privacy by having a stranger in the house, she'll realise that she had a good deal with the contribution he was paying.

If she actually wanted him to fly the nest, she could have allowed him to save more and buy sooner. Presumably her housing costs are the same whether he was living there or not, granted utilities probably a bit higher, he wasn't eating there much, so whilst it was saving him money it wouldn't have been at much additional cost to her at all.

She's royally screwed up her relationship with him, I'm glad he's got the OP to live with, though it sounds as if he hadn't he would have been perfectly capable of getting somewhere, just would have taken him longer to buy.

Well obviously as they are choosing to heavily subsidise their adult DC, that’s fine just as some parents gift their adult DC 50k towards a house deposit but similarly no parents should feel obliged that they have to do that

Not at all, we only charge our DC £100 a month so we’re not out of pocket with the extra water they use etc, we’ve never been in a position to help with driving lessons, a house deposit etc so is nice to be doing this for him, given that he’s overcome many challenges and works incredibly hard and would always be willing to help us out it’s especially something we’re happy to do. However from what you say it’s a moral duty of all parents no different to the duty you have to them until the age of 18. Sorry I don’t agree with this, yes it’s a moral duty if something awful happened to them that you would give them that love and care and take them into your home while they recovered but it’s not the duty of parents to have their adult DC living subsidised in their parents home indefinitely

This is so lovely OP. You sound wonderful as a family, as does your nephew. Wishing you all lots of luck. 100% the right decision x

And equally I as a lodger paid less than £800 in various places just a few years ago before I got my current flat.

We don’t know where they live so we can’t say either way if it’s market rate. But even if it’ say London, I have friends /colleagues in London with kids that age and they charge way less than that for a rental contribution. Some of them don’t earn as much as 140K per household as well.

And as a lodger you’d get more than a weekend notice before being booted out.

Your post is very much do as I say, not as I do.

Your children enjoy cheap lodging but you don’t think this guy should expect to pay so little as £400pm, that it’s reasonable to charge him £800.

Do you see this guy as competition for your children or something?

@YearsOfLifewhat a wonderful aunt and mum you are xx

I know people with lodgers who are paying similar amounts and more and they certainly don’t have a house share arrangement, they are lodger who rents out a room and that’s it. If he wanted a contract he could of asked for one and if she wanted to ask for a deposit etc similarly, she’s not even been charging him £800 until now, only half that so significantly less than any market rate. Of course an adult child doesn’t get the same say in the household as someone’s partner, why would anyone expect them to? This isn’t a paraplegic adult child who was unable to fly the nest but a well earning young man who had the freedom to fly the nest years ago and has effectively been subbed by his mother well into adulthood. All that aside she doesn’t sound like the nicest of people.

She shouldn't be charging him standard lodger rates though, that's the point. Not because she should be acting like a charity, but because an adult child living with a parent has to live with the dynamic that the parent and partner are in charge of the household. Genuine lodgers don't have many rights, but you at least get a written agreement about what you are getting for your money, eg use of kitchen or common areas, if you can have guests etc. A principle of reasonable notice to leave. And for £800 unless they're living in a naice London suburb, you're nearing the level where you should be getting tenants rights, ie an equal say on the space compared to the others renting it. I very much doubt that's what this mum was offering. It's telling that it came about because the partner was put out that the nephew was earning close to what he does, but I bet the nephew doesn't get the same say in the household as the partner does.
If he lives with family he should be paying accordingly. If he is paying commercial rent, he should be getting the benefits of a commercial arrangement, not be at the whim of his mum and partners moods, and whatever rule changes they want to bring in.