AIBU to let my adult nephew move in after rent rise from my sister?

Where did the figure of £1600 come from? Totally up to her whether she wants to replace him with a lodger, she probably thought she was doing him a favour as if food included too and she’s got a fancy house then £800 was probably still well under the market rate

This is an able bodied man on a good salary in his 20s, not a kid 🤷🏻‍♀️ maybe it’s about time he did independently support himself at long last? However if his aunt is keen on him moving him then that is absolutely fine too, that’s between him and his aunt, good for him. Just like good for him if he won a house on the lottery tomorrow. Happy for him, all I’m saying is he’s not ‘entitled’ to either and don’t quite understand the reasoning for all the pity except for his mother being so funny about it. I do feel sorry for him for that as she sounds a bit toxic being annoyed at her adult son moving out

Who the F is going to pay £1600 a month to live in a couples spare room?
The kids been living away at uni for 3-4yrs, he's been back a year, you're talking about him like he's still at home at 40.

I don't believe for a second she's so short of money and so in need of the space that she's actually going to replace him with a lodger, she just wanted easy money.

Well now she can. Question is why she's so pissed off at her sister though.

Although I've never heard of a lodger paying £1600/month.

She’s giving up space and privacy in her home, shouldn’t she expected to be compensated for that just like she would if she had a lodger? In fact she could have taken a lodger and made double

Why are you so determined to kick this kid down the ladder?
If the mum wants someone to help her out financially, maybe she should be expecting it from the partner she's moved into the house rather than her son.

Asking your child to contribute to bills is one thing. Trying to make money out of them is not something a good parent does.

I’m not bitter, just think this new expectation on parents to provide so much well into adulthood is unfair. Some people have plenty so is no skin off their nose to be giving some of it away, maybe they’re lonely empty nesters too, I’m sure people have their reasons for doing what they do but it’s not all saintly altruism. We have one of our adult DC still living at home in his 20s and we could do with the room but not desperately, they’ve overcome alot and work extremely hard, they only earn the minimum wage at the moment but that’s still a huge achievement to have a full time job given their disability. In fact I never thought they would ever live or be able to care for themselves independently so things have turned out far better than we could have expected . I would love for them to have the security of their own house and if had the spare money would buy them one, the next best thing we can do is let them stay here and charge a minimal contribution towards bills so we’re not out of pocket as haven’t got any spare money ourselves. They’ve done amazingly well and already saved up a really good deposit but just need to wait for their salary to increase so they meet the affordability criteria. That’s been our choice to do that, we wouldn’t of done that with the other adult DC, not because we love them any less but we could do with the space and after 18 years of sacrifice raising them we do deserve our own life and they are perfectly able to support themselves and enjoy life as long as are prudent, why should we be obliged to feather their nests. Do we not deserve to build our own security and be able to look forward to at long last being able to enjoy a few nice things for ourselves?

The fact is she hasn’t been ‘fleecing’ him, she’s been charging him half the market rent for years and who’s to know any extras she’s thrown in with that like food. Also how do you know she doesn’t need the money, tax is very high on that salary, not to mention she may have no pension, her mortgage might not be paid off etc. Do for example, what you’re basically saying is all mothers have a duty to transfer a portion of their own security, space and wealth to their adult children before they’re even dead 🤷🏻‍♀️ Yes she doesn’t sound great for being annoyed at him for getting a better deal, sounds very strange and not sure what the back story is here?? When I told me of my adult DC who was working they would need to start paying a contribution towards bills at 18 they decided to move in with their partner’s parents as the contribution would be less, win win all round, we got the space back and they got a better deal, they’ve now got their own house they bought together with the minimal deposit and we all still get on brilliantly

You really do sound bitter and jealous. Can’t you just be happy when others have people to help them and get a better chance. It would be lovely if everyone had that, but lacking that, be happy for those that do. I think this young man has had enough hardship anyway to teach him all about how life can be, with losing his father already.

I would hate to be so bitter.

Completely agree.
It can be a very mixed bag.
My son is in a capital city paying high rent for a central location.
His flatmates are respectful and yet it's still not easy.
He loves coming home for a break from it all at nearly 26.
Shared housing can be a mixed experience.

He wouldn’t have much security or rights as a lodger anyway. If she had wanted him to leave them just ask him to get a place of his own, I rented until I was well into my mid thirties, why should every adult DC expect to be able to jump straight into buying a house?

So because he earns a decent salary as a mother l am justified in fleecing him instead of helping him getting a deposit for a house especially when the household has a joint income of £142k and obviously doesn't need his money, nice one.
Does the mother realise that she's ruining the relationship between her DS and DSis, l am glad that you and your DH have decided to take him OP, well done at least you and your DH have a heart.
Wishing you all, all the best.

how long has this partner been around - I’ve seen cuckooing and he may be trying to engineer these events so that he gets the house - happens a lot - he puts in a new kitchen then puts a charge on the house and ensures that family are estranged so he has no witnesses - they move from unsuspecting woman to woman - and can turn nasty when they are called out does he own his own home has he landed on his feet with your sister … she’s lost her husband and maybe this has coloured her judgement … glad you are standing by your nephew - just check she isn’t being manipulated - as these guys are charmers and no how to worm their way in ( quite often the women on the surface are strong and professional types and they emotionally grind them down ) if they own the house jointly then that’s different but check he’s not put a charge on it if it is hers )

She only gave him two days to get his stuff out? That is appalling. I have no words for your sister, she reminds me of my partner's mother. Some people seem to think being an adult involves the most amount of struggle possible, "I had it hard so everyone else has to" sort of mentality. Not great from a parent...

Yes, it's rather odd. Maybe they're all landlords or something.

Lots of people do enjoy houseshares, especially if staying with friends which wouldn't necessarily be the case here. But others are doing it out of financial necessity only, sometimes for much longer than they want to. It's not some inherently positive experience that it's a shame to avoid, particularly when you've already done some communal housing as a student anyway. It's just one way of living, frequently a more expensive one than living with family.

I find it strange that some people think living in a shared house is a good thing for everyone. I did it when I was younger and hated it. People aren’t considerate of others, they leave mess, are noisy, steal your food etc. The houses are often badly maintained with shit landlords. It wasn’t good for me, it was the most miserable time of my life. If I’d have had the choice of living with a kind aunt and uncle with cousins I got on well with, I’d have chosen that.

Lots of people I knew had to live in shared housing and most couldn’t wait to leave to go back and live with family or get their own place.

I’m glad he hear he has moved in with you OP. Despite what some people believe, you don’t need to struggle in life to be a real adult. The lesson doesn’t need to be in the struggle, it can be that asking for help is ok and having loved ones who you can depend on is a good thing.

In order to save a relationship with your sister charge him the £400 he offered and save it secretly then whatever you dont need return to him as a gift for furniture when he goes. Its good to learn to budget £400 he psys you now wont touch surface of rent and bills, paying nothing isnt a good lesson.
Its great he reached out to you. Your response to your sister is you dont feel comfortable him getting a room share and unscrupulous landlords and just keep low neutral stance with her.
24 is too young and too low a salary to move out if in SE

I think that OP knows her sister better than you and other posters on this thread. OP has said

'He is not entitled in the slightest. He is a genuinely lovely person who I am proud of. He has dealt with losing his dad and has had many setbacks in life but has come through them all to be resilient, kind and hardworking.'

OP's posts are factual and measured but it is very clear that her sister isn't a particularly nice mum at all.

Your double standards are ridiculous. You charge your adult children £100 per month. OP's sister charged her son £500 per month, which he paid with no issues so if he was subsidised, it was to a much lesser extent than your own children.

His mum then pretty much doubled his rent from £500 to £800. If she was a private landlord and her son was a tenant, under the new Renters Right Act, his mum would have needed to give him two months notice of a rent increase, which she obviously didn't do. Her son then had the worst of all world, a massive rent increase but no tenants' rights.

The fact that his mum has given him two days to remove everything he owns from his mum's house, including anything in the loft and in the garage is very clear evidence that his mum couldn't give a shit about her own son and all she cared about was getting money from him.

I don't see how you can defend her behaviour but you are like a dog with a bone trying to do so.

Ds23 is living in a hmo in the south and is paying £450 a month which includes all bills. I think the nephew should look for his own accommodation. If my ds was able to live at home - his work is too far away - I'd ask for about £250 a month to include most meals. I am on a very low income so couldn't afford to subsidise him but wouldn't want to make a profit on him while he's saving a house deposit.

Completely agree

Maybe including food, washing?

The market rate to rent a room is between £600-1000 do she’s proposing charging him somewhere in the middle of that, she would have to pay £70 tax on £800, who on earth doesnt have up to date smoke alarms on every floor and a carbon monoxide alarm, have their boiler checked etc, these are basic things most people have in their home anyway. Most lenders allow a lodger without issue and really how much work does it take to put a listing on spare room and look at a passport and some payslips. Worth it for £730 a month she could have had for all these years. If you would like a lodger to leave you only need to give them ‘reasonable’ notice to leave which can be considered as little as 1 week. Personally I think there is more to this. Maybe she didn’t downsize when the market was more buoyant as he lived there and now finds she’s renewing onto a much higher rate mortgage,
maybe she’s got no savings/pension behind her, it all sounds a little strange she would fall out with him just because he’s flying the nest

You can easily get rooms in shared houses for less than £800 here - about 15 miles from Central London. So why would his mum be charging top whack for her own son?
And why would he choose to rent a room elsewhere with people he doesn't know when OP has generously offered him a room in her house with people he knows and a lower rent?
His mum is probably being influenced by the partner. I hope she doesn't come to regret her stupidity.