Page 4 | AIBU to let my adult nephew move in after rent rise from my sister?

YearsOfLife · 2026-09-18T07:38:35+00:00

My nephew is 24 and has been working full time for about a year after finishing university. When he first started working full time, my sister was charging him £500 per month to live with her and her partner. She has now told him he needs to pay £800 per month which he isn’t happy about as he is trying to save for a house deposit as well as having other costs and wanting to socialise. He spends a lot of time at work or with his girlfriend and friends so I do think £800 is a lot. Our children are similar ages and my nephew has asked if he could live with us, paying £400 per month. We are happy for him to live here but it is causing a huge problem with my sister and her partner. They don’t think we should allow him to stay with us. On the one hand I can see why my sister thinks we shouldn’t get involved, but on the other, he’s our nephew and an adult and if we’re happy for him to live here, he should be able to. My sister has accused us of trying to make money from him which is untrue as we don’t charge our own children anything to live here and IF we take anything from our nephew, it won’t be £400 per month. This isn’t about money for us. I agree with my nephew that £800 is too much and want him to be able to have a life and save like my own children. AIBU to say he can live here?

Original poster

YearsOfLife · 20/09/2026 12:39

Needingarest · 20/09/2026 12:33

I’m not against him having an even more chilled life at all but I am against the portrayal of his mother as the wicked witch or the west on the basis of her wanting to charge him rent. Criticism as to her behaviour since he has chosen to move out, yes is quite justified!

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Charging him far more than he adds to household bills when he only earns £35k is poor parenting. Increasing his rent to more than his net pay rise is poor parenting. Wicked? Probably not. I would call her behaviour when he chose to move out wicked.

OP posts:

Needingarest · 20/09/2026 12:37

walrushurricane · 20/09/2026 12:32

Why would all parents need to tell their children to move out at 18 to not be accused of exploiting them. It's not hard to avoid. It is reasonable to charge for the actual extra costs of him living there but not reasonable to try to make a profit from the living arrangements in a way a private landlord would.

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If you have an adult who is earning and living in your home then why shouldn’t you get some benefit from that, no one would think anything of a mother who has their partner or a friend (even if he didn’t own his own house) move in being asked to pay rent 🤷🏻‍♀️

Needingarest · 20/09/2026 12:33

pointythings · 20/09/2026 12:13

But I don't understand why you are so against him having it a little easier, living in a household where he is with people who love him, getting his house deposit together earlier. It really does smack of wanting young people to experience hardship.

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I’m not against him having an even more chilled life at all but I am against the portrayal of his mother as the wicked witch or the west on the basis of her wanting to charge him rent. Criticism as to her behaviour since he has chosen to move out, yes is quite justified!

Original poster

YearsOfLife · 20/09/2026 12:33

Needingarest · 20/09/2026 12:02

Yes absolutely her behaviour is strange and not nice at all, I completely agree and must be very hurtful to him.
As for him being asked to pay rent, he’s perfectly able to do that on his salary with a huge amount left over too, why is he being talked of as if he hauls coals on one leg all day and his mum wants to take every penny off him, it’s very strange. My DC is not much older than him and owns own house, has a perfectly happy life

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Being perfectly able to pay that amount, doesn’t mean it is justifiable from a parent who should want to balance their child covering what they add to the monthly costs in the house and possibly teaching them about budgeting (although my nephew doesn’t need that as he has budgeted well for years) with doing the best for their child. £800 per month from your son, who is earning £35k and spends a lot of time away from the house, isn’t justifiable to any loving parent I know.

If my nephew continues how he has been, in a few years of living here, he will have a large house deposit which will help set him up for a better life than if he was paying £800 to live with his mum. He could ‘manage’ without me helping, but there is no need for him to. He can do even better and have more with my help, so why not when everyone is happy, other than my sister who i believe was unreasonable charging so much and has now proved herself to be nasty to me and her own son. Her behaviour and some people’s attitudes to young people on here, which I’ve shown my husband, just makes us more determined to help him and our own children. I think it’s a real shame that my sister seems to have follows in our parents footsteps on this. I could never.

OP posts:

walrushurricane · 20/09/2026 12:32

Needingarest · 20/09/2026 11:01

We don’t know where she lives and if it’s in London and not in a dive then £800 would be well below the market rate. Perhaps parents should just ask their adult DC to move out at 18 then if they’re going to be accused of exploiting them 🤷🏻‍♀️ there is no indication that this young man lacks mental capacity to make his own decisions, if he didn’t think he was getting a good deal (and he absolutely was at £400 a month) then he would of left

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Why would all parents need to tell their children to move out at 18 to not be accused of exploiting them. It's not hard to avoid. It is reasonable to charge for the actual extra costs of him living there but not reasonable to try to make a profit from the living arrangements in a way a private landlord would.

AlwaysExtraHot · 20/09/2026 12:27

pointythings · 20/09/2026 12:13

But I don't understand why you are so against him having it a little easier, living in a household where he is with people who love him, getting his house deposit together earlier. It really does smack of wanting young people to experience hardship.

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Yeah, I don’t get why people seem so angry about this.
His mother wants to take twice the money off him as the OP has proposed. If he was looking for a rental flat he’d be perfectly at liberty to choose a cheaper one so he could save more, and that’s just what he’s doing here.

pointythings · 20/09/2026 12:13

Needingarest · 20/09/2026 12:02

Yes absolutely her behaviour is strange and not nice at all, I completely agree and must be very hurtful to him.
As for him being asked to pay rent, he’s perfectly able to do that on his salary with a huge amount left over too, why is he being talked of as if he hauls coals on one leg all day and his mum wants to take every penny off him, it’s very strange. My DC is not much older than him and owns own house, has a perfectly happy life

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But I don't understand why you are so against him having it a little easier, living in a household where he is with people who love him, getting his house deposit together earlier. It really does smack of wanting young people to experience hardship.

Needingarest · 20/09/2026 12:02

pointythings · 20/09/2026 11:57

He's already done living in a house share, managing budgets and bills etc. at Uni. So basically your arguments are about wanting to make it harder for him. I don't get it, I really don't.

Maybe the mother does have financial worries - but even if that is the case, they're HER worries, not his. And her behaviour in making him clear out in 2 days and threatening to bin his stuff suggests she is the one with the issues here.

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Yes absolutely her behaviour is strange and not nice at all, I completely agree and must be very hurtful to him.
As for him being asked to pay rent, he’s perfectly able to do that on his salary with a huge amount left over too, why is he being talked of as if he hauls coals on one leg all day and his mum wants to take every penny off him, it’s very strange. My DC is not much older than him and owns own house, has a perfectly happy life

Needingarest · 20/09/2026 11:58

childrenaremyworld · 20/09/2026 11:03

Before your update I was going to say if I was in your position I would definitely let my nephew stay with us. Your nephew sounds like a wonderful young man with a bright future. I can’t understand your sisters reasoning behind all of this. I struggled when I left home even though my mum was in position to help. It’s made me more determined my children will receive full support from myself. I’m so glad your nephew is staying
with you now, your a wonderful aunt and your nephew will never forget how you helped him xxx

In what way did you ‘struggle’ I can’t see that this guy would ‘struggle’ without his aunt’s help

pointythings · 20/09/2026 11:57

Needingarest · 20/09/2026 10:41

This is an able bodied man on a good salary in his 20s, not a kid 🤷🏻‍♀️ maybe it’s about time he did independently support himself at long last? However if his aunt is keen on him moving him then that is absolutely fine too, that’s between him and his aunt, good for him. Just like good for him if he won a house on the lottery tomorrow. Happy for him, all I’m saying is he’s not ‘entitled’ to either and don’t quite understand the reasoning for all the pity except for his mother being so funny about it. I do feel sorry for him for that as she sounds a bit toxic being annoyed at her adult son moving out

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He's already done living in a house share, managing budgets and bills etc. at Uni. So basically your arguments are about wanting to make it harder for him. I don't get it, I really don't.

Maybe the mother does have financial worries - but even if that is the case, they're HER worries, not his. And her behaviour in making him clear out in 2 days and threatening to bin his stuff suggests she is the one with the issues here.

Needingarest · 20/09/2026 11:56

Pumpkindice · 20/09/2026 11:03

You said she could make double. If you were referring to his previous payment, who the F would pay £1000 to lodge a room with a couple? Do you live in Kensington or something?
The OP said he wasnt eating much there and when he did, he'd cook for them. She's not going to find a lodger who wants to pay that and feed her, unless theres a massive drip feed about how fancy this kids house was!

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He was paying £400 before and who said he bought any food for them??

Needingarest · 20/09/2026 11:55

Pumpkindice · 20/09/2026 11:05

The Op said he was on 30k and paying £500 a month, and he's just got an increase to 35k so she was changing it to £800 a month.

Edit I just used a take home calculator and assuming he's paying a pension and student loan, he would have gone from approx 2k take home to 2300 take home, so her rent increase would have taken up his full wage increase, so no better for saving to move on.

Edited

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Perhaps she was subbing him while his wage was lower and now no longer feels she needs to?

Needingarest · 20/09/2026 11:54

CormorantIsland · 20/09/2026 11:10

How kind.

i often think about how we treat our family can so easily be reflected back when one is elderly, ill, near end of life or say a critical illness.

Obviously, there is a big difference between being there at those times and facilitating a fully grown man to build a bigger house deposit, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with giving him a helping hand if it’s what you want to do but it’s not the same

distrussful · 20/09/2026 11:33

I think you’ve done the right thing - well done!

CormorantIsland · 20/09/2026 11:10

How kind.

i often think about how we treat our family can so easily be reflected back when one is elderly, ill, near end of life or say a critical illness.

CormorantIsland · 20/09/2026 11:10

How kind.

i often think about how we treat our family can so easily be reflected back when one is elderly, ill, near end of life or say a critical illness.

Pumpkindice · 20/09/2026 11:05

Fleetingmoment · 20/09/2026 11:03

Where was his salary stated? I’ve read the thread but I think I might have missed it?

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The Op said he was on 30k and paying £500 a month, and he's just got an increase to 35k so she was changing it to £800 a month.

Edit I just used a take home calculator and assuming he's paying a pension and student loan, he would have gone from approx 2k take home to 2300 take home, so her rent increase would have taken up his full wage increase, so no better for saving to move on.

Fleetingmoment · 20/09/2026 11:03

Needingarest · 20/09/2026 10:41

This is an able bodied man on a good salary in his 20s, not a kid 🤷🏻‍♀️ maybe it’s about time he did independently support himself at long last? However if his aunt is keen on him moving him then that is absolutely fine too, that’s between him and his aunt, good for him. Just like good for him if he won a house on the lottery tomorrow. Happy for him, all I’m saying is he’s not ‘entitled’ to either and don’t quite understand the reasoning for all the pity except for his mother being so funny about it. I do feel sorry for him for that as she sounds a bit toxic being annoyed at her adult son moving out

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Where was his salary stated? I’ve read the thread but I think I might have missed it?

Pumpkindice · 20/09/2026 11:03

Needingarest · 20/09/2026 10:47

Where did the figure of £1600 come from? Totally up to her whether she wants to replace him with a lodger, she probably thought she was doing him a favour as if food included too and she’s got a fancy house then £800 was probably still well under the market rate

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You said she could make double. If you were referring to his previous payment, who the F would pay £1000 to lodge a room with a couple? Do you live in Kensington or something?
The OP said he wasnt eating much there and when he did, he'd cook for them. She's not going to find a lodger who wants to pay that and feed her, unless theres a massive drip feed about how fancy this kids house was!

hardshoulderr · 20/09/2026 11:03

I think you're being really sly

childrenaremyworld · 20/09/2026 11:03

Before your update I was going to say if I was in your position I would definitely let my nephew stay with us. Your nephew sounds like a wonderful young man with a bright future. I can’t understand your sisters reasoning behind all of this. I struggled when I left home even though my mum was in position to help. It’s made me more determined my children will receive full support from myself. I’m so glad your nephew is staying
with you now, your a wonderful aunt and your nephew will never forget how you helped him xxx

Needingarest · 20/09/2026 11:03

OnlyOnWeekends · 20/09/2026 11:00

You’re the one calling him entitled. He asked if he could move in and after what sounds like much deliberation, OP has said yes. Since when has a younger family member at the start of their adult life, asking an older one for something, been entitled. He hasn’t told his aunt he should be allowed to live there, he’s just asked.

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So where have I called ‘him’ entitled??

Needingarest · 20/09/2026 11:01

walrushurricane · 20/09/2026 10:54

800 is a lot more than the market rate where I live and probably in many other parts of the country too. Regardless the mother is not running a business and shouldn't be treating her son like a customer.

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We don’t know where she lives and if it’s in London and not in a dive then £800 would be well below the market rate. Perhaps parents should just ask their adult DC to move out at 18 then if they’re going to be accused of exploiting them 🤷🏻‍♀️ there is no indication that this young man lacks mental capacity to make his own decisions, if he didn’t think he was getting a good deal (and he absolutely was at £400 a month) then he would of left

OnlyOnWeekends · 20/09/2026 11:00

Needingarest · 20/09/2026 10:41

This is an able bodied man on a good salary in his 20s, not a kid 🤷🏻‍♀️ maybe it’s about time he did independently support himself at long last? However if his aunt is keen on him moving him then that is absolutely fine too, that’s between him and his aunt, good for him. Just like good for him if he won a house on the lottery tomorrow. Happy for him, all I’m saying is he’s not ‘entitled’ to either and don’t quite understand the reasoning for all the pity except for his mother being so funny about it. I do feel sorry for him for that as she sounds a bit toxic being annoyed at her adult son moving out

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You’re the one calling him entitled. He asked if he could move in and after what sounds like much deliberation, OP has said yes. Since when has a younger family member at the start of their adult life, asking an older one for something, been entitled. He hasn’t told his aunt he should be allowed to live there, he’s just asked.

walrushurricane · 20/09/2026 10:54

Needingarest · 20/09/2026 10:47

Where did the figure of £1600 come from? Totally up to her whether she wants to replace him with a lodger, she probably thought she was doing him a favour as if food included too and she’s got a fancy house then £800 was probably still well under the market rate

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800 is a lot more than the market rate where I live and probably in many other parts of the country too. Regardless the mother is not running a business and shouldn't be treating her son like a customer.