AIBU to let my adult nephew move in after rent rise from my sister?

Could be she's trying to step out of the parent-child dynamic and promote him to full adult status. Housemate rather than child-at-home. So she's making him pay an equal share of the bills and expenses finally.

I think you will end up subsidising him if you let him move in at that price, like you would your own children, OP.

Of course you should!

The rent his mum wants to charge is £800. He thinks that's too expensive and has found a cheaper room to rent at your house for £400. That's market forces. If you and your sister were both landladies and her tenant gave notice to move to your cheaper rental what business is it of hers? If you are happy to rent to him at that price and she isn't that's her choice, your choice and his choice. If you think he'll be a good tenant at that price that's entirely yours and his business. Nothing to do with your sister. He's an adult and can make adult choices.

Id make sure you've got the full facts tbh before determining she is charging too much!

What is the 800 made up of? Does it include all his food and cooking? Does he still get her doing his washing amd cleaning for example?

Would she be able to move to a smaller property/cheaper area if he moved out? Maybe it really is a third of the monthly mortgage/rent, utilities and food and its reasonable to charge that because he's using all of the house.

Yes he's her child, but if he's earning, she may need to charge him that much to house him! Not everyone can afford to charge peppercorn rent to house their adult children im afraid.

If however he's buying all his own food, cooking, cleaning and washing for himself, earning minimalyl and its literally for his room and utilities then perhaps its too high?
You need more information tbh.

Is that just rent? Does it also include your insurances, car costs, streaming services, internet, power, water, gas, appliances and replacement of those as necessary, utensils, pets, phone plan, to name a few?

So what? Lower earners have to struggle so he should too? Why? When he is lucky enough to have other options available to him?

He’s saved in excess of £12,000 towards a deposit whilst also covering his own expenses at his mother’s house. He hardly sounds financially incompetent, unmotivated and/or lazy. Not sure why you seem to think scraping by and struggling is necessary to foster independence and impart financial acumen.

We can hold on for now. It's not so simple as one child has a disability. We do want to support them. Eventually we do plan to move somewhere more elderly friendly (good while before we will really have to seriously do that though), but we're considering that we may have to look for somewhere that both meets our needs and the needs of a child who may not be able to leave home so easily. It will likely mean we never release equity as it will be a sideways move. We'll deal with it when the time comes but will be making sure our child is set up right.

People saying if he was in a flat share he would be paying more - I rent a two bed period house with bath, large rooms and garden for £800 per month?!

In your case if this is what you want to do, couldn't you just explain to DC that you will be putting your house on the market at x date so need them to move out by then.

Your situation sounds totally different to OP nephews case, if you wish to move for your own life plan then your ability to help has come to an end. You have done what you can while you can but cant put your life on hold

Didn’t the recent change in housing and renting law make it illegal to double rent with no justification? Just saying…

Wait, is she not saving the money for him? She can’t intend to keep it?

Even if they cover their expenses, these kids staying home do prevent their parents from being able to downsize. We'd love to downsize to a simpler home, which would also release equity for us which would earn interest, but that's not on the cards right now. I don't mind but ,realistically, it does affect our financial standing quite a bit.

The parents would be paying their rent or mortgage with or without him living at home.

The only cost he would be adding to their bills is minimal electricity or gas. If the heating on it is on. So talking lights, electronics in 1 extra room, a few baths or showers. Plus food. £500 with 100% more than cover this. They will have some left end of every month towards their personal expenses they will still be paying when he moves out.

These are his parents, not a stranger. Parents should only be charging costs. Unless he is a nightmare to live with, which it doesn't sound so in this case, but if he was then he should be expected to move out. Not pay towards his parents equity

But he's not covering his living expenses. He's living on cheap or no rent. Family are paying for his expenses. He's a freeloader on a terrific salary.

It's not sponging if they are covering their living expenses. Which at the £500 he was previously paying, he would be. A child paying this much would add no financial hardship to parents, so if they are OK to live with, why wouldn't they help them out?

It isn't acting like a child is on the breadline to not expect them to contribute to the parents rent or mortgage if the child is saving for a deposit on a house. If the parents own their house, they would have done so when house price to salary ratio was much lower. Also rent on a home would be lower, so if they had moved out they would have still been in a better position to save. On the OP nephew salary he would be able to get a £157k mortgage, that is before student loan payments are deducted, but if no loans this still wouldnt buy you an average house on this pretty decent wage. These days kids need all the help they can get.

I say that as someone who had no help, rented for 10 years and managed to save a deposit for a house during that time on a much lower salary. It was less than 10 years ago I bought my 1st home and already know I would have had no chance getting in the same position if I had the same experience now

I'm saying that young people are refusing to live independently even into their late 20s when they can actually afford it, and that is having a negative effect on society. And we as the older generation are prolonging entitlement, arrogance and dependence by letting them do so.

You sound like a kind, caring aunt OP. I had to leave home at 16 & life was very hard, so I completely understand your thought process. I am also close to my Nephew’s (my Sister’s children) & I would house either of them in a heartbeat. I’m aware that my life may have been quite different if I’d had a supportive Aunt or Uncle. I think it’s completely natural & a good thing to want better for our children, nieces, nephews etc. Your nephew sounds like a great young man & I’m sure he appreciates having a supportive aunt.

Your sister is therefore a greedy cow. Your nephew sounds lovely, as do you. I would agree to him living with you. Your sister should be ashamed of herself.

At that price, he could go get a room in the house share and probably still have some money left over. To me, it felt like she was putting his rent up enough so that he would move out - is that what she’s wanting? What’s the reason for her not wanting him to live with you. Is it because it makes her look bad? Why is she trying to charge him so much? Is she secretly going to save it for him and give him a big deposit when he’s ready to move out? Or are they struggling massively financially and haven’t told you? Something doesn’t add up but you’re not being reasonable at all to offer him somewhere to live. I’d absolutely do the same if I had the space.

Exactly. All the PP saying to stay out of it and worrying about your relationship with your sister are acting like your relationship with your nephew is insignificant. Of course you should care and want to help him out if you got the room.

She is taking the piss asking for £800, there is no way he is adding that extra cost to their cosy of living by being there. For anyone saying he would pay more for a house share, the difference there is that he would have equal rights, not be a son living in the parents home and playing by their rules.

If they are accusing you of making money off him while charging £400 a month, they are admitting to making a lot of money off him by charging £800 a month. They are grabby, selfish & cold hearted. Guessing the partner is not their dad. Mum putting partners ego and wishes 1st most likely. Help the young lad out and give him the opportunity to save for a deposit if you can.

Edited to add, my grandmother is in her 80s, she still tells us now at least once a month that when she lived at home and got a job her parents could take such a great chunk of her pay, by the time bus trips to work was paid she wouldnt have much left. Over 60 years on and she still havnt got over it. Your sister should be greatful you are giving him option to not let this resentment grow

So your argument is that because some people who are older than this 24 year old man need to live independently 'stand on their own two feet' in your words, he should also do so. That is a completely illogical argument. Would you argue that all privileged Brits should leave the UK to live in a poor, war torn country so that they can learn to confront true reality for so many others? Would you argue that every child who has the privilege or being sent to a private school should be made to leave because others cannot afford this?
Your other argument seems to be that he isn't learning independence, money management and planning for the future. That just isn't correct thought as the OP has stated, more than once, that he has lived independently for 4 years at Uni, does all household chores, is pleasant to have around, has been working and saving constantly and plans to buy with his girlfriend in the future.

Thirty years ago when young people on equivalent wages left home and set up their own households, what was the cost of housing relative to salaries? It was completely different. Those young people could afford to live independently and many could afford to buy as the cost of houses was affordable relative to incomes. That is not the case now, particularly in London. Just because you may think you suffered, it doesn't follow that other should also. That's a really unkind way to look at things.

He is saving up to buy a house. People in their 20s and even 30s can rarely afford to do that nowadays without help from family.

You just made this up based on no knowledge of the nephew. Do you often go on public forums and chat shit?

You sounds like a wonderful aunt, and I would let him move in with you!

Because there are grown adults in their 30s, 40s and 50s on lower incomes who are having to stand on their own two feet.

He is earning above the median (50% of people above, 50% of people below) annual salary of £33,176 for men aged 22-29. He has no responsibilities and is being subsidised by family. How is he learning independence, money management and planning for the long term?

This is not a young man fresh out of university on minimum wage trying to find his feet. The question is why do young people earning more than an average wage, want to stay at home and NOT be independent?

Thirty years ago young people on an equivalent wage had left home and set up their own households. He is not struggling. He is taking advantage.

I would not risk my relationship with my sister over yhis even if shes trying to earn a living off her own son.

Help him find a room in a shared house.