AIBU to let my adult nephew move in after rent rise from my sister?

£800 is a disgusting amount to ask from her son. Your sister is only concerned about losing money . Your poor nephew .

Then why object at him moving out and accuse OP of trying to make money off him?

No, she's delaying him becoming an independent adult.

He wants to buy a place, and so needs a deposit. He can save for this much more quickly being charged £400 per month at OPs than £800 at his mum's. Yet she wants him to remain in his childhood home, not independent, and make it harder for him to save up.

You have this completely arse about face.

My divorcing parents sold our house when I was 21, in a low paid job, and with just a few months' notice. I ended up scrabbling around and joined with a friend to buy a flat with a disastrous 100% mortgage (i had no savings and no deposit). These were the 80s, with spiralling 10%+ interest rates. I lived day to day off credit cards, and it took me years to pay them off.

Asking £800/m is just dreadful. So I thank you for looking out for your nephew. I had dreadful parents; it's great your nephew had you on his side.o

Definitely help him. Like you say, he is doing the right thing and your sister is not.

it’s really hard for young people to buy a house nowadays without some sort of help.

Can’t believe your sister and her partner earn over 140k and are charging him like that!

absolutely fine, nice of you. your sister and let's face it probably her partner are f wits

I’d let him stay. 800 a month is ridiculous for a parent to charge a child for a room they’ve been living in for free for 18 years. She’s absolutely fine to increase the amount to £800 but as an adult he’s also entitled to look for alternative accommodation.

@YearsOfLife Take him in if your children are ok with it. Your sister is taking the piss.

If his contribution covers the additional cost of utilities and the food he eats, he isn't freeloading. He offered £400 which would easily cover his share of the bills (gas/electricity, broadband, water, council tax, food). If OP wishes to charge him less that's up to her.

His mum sounds greedy. People are saying that she put his rent up to £800 in order to make him leave. If that were the case, she wouldn't be cross with OP for offering him a home with her family.

You sound like a lovely aunty. If my sister put my nieces or nephews in the same position I would do the same as you, especially as your nephew sounds like a nice young man with his head screwed on.
I wouldn’t care about the relationship with my sister over my nephew in this instance, she sounds very unreasonable. He will remember this for the rest of his life, i’m sure he’ll be very grateful and it won’t be forever. If you can afford to and have the space then go for it!

Don’t be ridiculous! The op has described her nephew and he is very clearly a responsible adult. It is sensible for him to live with his aunt while he continues to save for a deposit. His mother doesn’t come off well in this - she seems money grabbing and manipulative, overcharging her son and trying to stop her sister from offering alternative accommodation.

How is she encouraging independence by rinsing him for money that she doesn't need. Surely she is slowing down his ability to save for his own home and therefore reducing his independence. She sounds like a terrible parent.

Why, in your opinion, should a 24 year old not be living in their parents home at all? Why does it matter to you what choices others make in this regard?

She’s trying to force him to become an independent adult but you’re undoing that. You could offer him 6 months while he finds something else, but don’t un do her parenting efforts here. IMO a 24 year old shouldn’t be living at home at all.

OP, I think it is very nice of you to help your nephew. Your sister is being unreasonable in my opinion. If there's a way to help the younger generation, especially those who are being responsible to get ahead in life, I believe we should do it. I don't undestand the mentality of parents treating their children as if they were born with a contract in hand for x number of years.

800?? For what exactly ? You have said he isnt home much . Thats madness.
She and her partner will have rent/mortgage bills to pay when he moves out anyway. So they should not rely on him to cover those things.
As for the extra due to him being in the house like electric/water/food. Its probably nowhere near 800.
He is 24 not 18 she should be happy for him to live with you. So long as he is happy and safe. That's the main thing. It sounds more like she doesn't want to lose the money. Not him.

Exactly

But then just let him move out? Then any costs for housing him would disappear.

I agree 500 is not necessarily a lot, but if he doesn't want to pay 800 and can find something more affordable for him (and he has), why stand in his way?

Yanbu. I would still try and understand where your sister is coming from, for the sake of that relationship, but unless she can suddenly explain in a way that makes sense to you, I would go ahead and agree to him living with you all.

Given her high income, combined with her partner's average income, it doesn't sound like their household needs an £800 rent from him. He sounds responsible and pleasant so not about teaching him a lesson either.

I do wonder if her partner's influence is at play here. Possibly a childish "why should he get to live here for £400 when he earns nearly as much as me" type sentiment. Or his ego had been dented by your nephew's pay rise. Impossible to know, but I think you could gently ask your sister what her partner's thoughts on the matter are.

I think it's lovely he feels close enough to you all to even ask you about moving in. I think you've been doing something right in terms of that relationship so keep listening to your instincts.

Your sister is angry she will be losing her cash cow/ATM. I think £500 is already disgusting - Imagine using your own child to make a profit, earn spending money, to make yourself more financially comfortable than you already are. Honestly, she's robbing her own son. This is why she's angry: No rent money = No more treats for her. £175, would be enough.

Please take your nephew in and lower the rent right down, then save it for him.

Every question you raised is already answered by op.

Depends if the 800 covers personal expenses too? I mean, mine have just rolled over with the family phone plan as it's cheaper, while at home they remain on our medical insurance, there are pet costs for pets they wanted and I didn't as adults, gym memberships, streaming services I wouldn't have if they didn't want them. Some of these things come off my credit card because they don't have one (which is a good thing). So the amount they pay might look high but it's actually not and none of it is just 'rent'. They live home for free.

It's pretty clear that you have a huge chip on your about this topic, with your ageist comment about young people's entitlement and arrogance. You should really do some self reflection on why you feel like this.

As I have already said twice, the cost of housing is many multiples of what it was when you were young 30 years ago. Many young people are living with their parents longer in order to save up for a home of their own. Many parents understand this and want to help their DC in a much tougher world than they grew up in. Older generations were much more fortunate. Apart from this, there is a very clear trend of multi generational living amongst lower earners, what was previously called 'the working class'. I've seen this happen in the UK in the last 10 years or so. In addition, you seem to have a lack of awareness of other cultures, where it is entirely normal to have 3 or even 4 generations living together under one roof to help and support each other. Are we dismissing all these people from other cultures and countries as entitled and arrogant and spongers too?

£800 a month? Sure he should cover his own personal bills but feeding and housing a child i take as my responsibility for having them

If they're covering their expenses there'd be nothing to keep for yourself as it would all be going on bills.

If i felt the need to teach my child to be an adult ii would give them 2 options save a certain amount themselves or give it to me and i would save it for them

There is no reaon to charge them and keep the money yourself